CURTIS  DUNHAM 


THE    CASINO    GIRL    IN    LONDON 


"  Do  I  look  like  a  Marchioness  ?  " — Page  267. 


BY 

HERSELF 


EDITED  BY  CURTIS   DUNHAM 


(Illustrated} 


R.  F.  FENNO  &  COMPANY,  9  AND  n  EAST 

SIXTEENTH  STREET    :      :     NEW  YORK 

1898 


Copyright,  1898 

BY 
R.  F.   FENNO   &   COMPANY 


The  Casino  Girl  in  London 


Contents 

CHAPTER  PAGE 

I.    ME.  SQUIBS  CLEARS  THE  WAY 9 

II.    THEY'RE  OFF  ! 17 

III.  COMPLIMENTS  OF  LORD  DANGEHFORD  ...  29 

IV.  I  VIEW  MY  NEW  POSSESSIONS 44 

V.    ON  THE  PRIME  IMPORTANCE  OF  "KICK- 
ING"    57 

VI.  THE  GINGPOOR  OF  KERHOOT 71 

VII.  Two  FLAGS  THAT  WAVE  AS  ONE  ....  87 

VIII.  I  MEET  A  DUCHESS  OR  Two 101 

IX.  THE  LIAR  FORGETS  His  LINES 113 

X.  THE  MAN  WHO  KNEW  DICKENS 125 

XI.  THE  ASCOT  CUP 137 

XII.  '"Appy  'OMK  IN  CLAPHAM" 153 

XIII.  CAPTAIN  LIVELY  BECOMES  TROUBLESOME,  170 

XIV.  How  THE  WITS  UNBEND 184 

XV.  TOMMY  ATKINS  IN  THE  TOILS 203 

XVI.    COUNTESS  PIPEDREME  FORGETS  HERSELF  .  222 

XVII.    THE  PRINCE  SAYS:    "How  Do  You  LIKE 

ENGLAND?" 236 

XVIII.    MY  DIPLOMATIC  RELATIONS 246 

XIX.    I  DECIDE  NOT  TO  BECOME  A  MARCHIONESS,  261 

7 


"They  never  proceed  to  follow  that  Light, 
But  always  follow  me." 

— The  Belle  of  New  Y<n  k. 


CHAPTER  I 

MR.  SQUIBS    CLEAES     THE   WAY 

I  HAD  just  finished  dressing  for  the  second 
act  and  was  applying  to  my  lips  those  touches 
of  rouge  which  give  them  their  demure  expres- 
sion, when  there  came  a  tap  on  my  dressing- 
room  door. 

"If  it  is  Lord  Dangerford,  Prue,"  said  I, 
"  thank  him  for  the  tiger's  skin  and  say  that 
I'll  be  at  home  to-morrow  at  three." 

"Lord  Dangerford  be  blowed,"  said  a  fa- 
miliar voice  the  moment  Prue  had  opened  the 
door.  And  then  the  voice  continued  :  "  Are 
you  presentable  ?  May  we  come  in  ?  " 

The  voice  belonged  to  the  American  Friend 
— a  most  accommodating  and  useful  person. 
So  I  replied  in  accents  as  amiable  as  I  could 
command  under  the  circumstances — a  foggy 
first  act  blighted  by  a  dull  tea  at  the  Honorable 
Mrs.  Pebblestone's: 

"  Gome  in  ;  I'll  give  you  just  two  minutes — 
and  the  tip  is  tuppence." 

9 


lo         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  I  say,  really,  talking  of  tips,  you'll  be  sur- 
prised, you  know." 

This  remark  proceeded  from  Squibs,  of  the 
Gazette,  a  nice  sort  of  chap,  one  of  the  first,  in 
fact,  to  predict  for  me  the  flattering  social  suc- 
cess in  London  which  was  so  soon  to  be  real- 
ized. I  shook  hands  with  Squibs. 

"  Mr.  Squibs  is  right,"  said  the  American 
Friend.  "  You  will  be  surprised.  We  are  here 
to  tip  you,  but  not  with  tuppence,  my  dear." 

"  'Arf  a  crown  goes  'ere,  sir,"  chimed  in  Little 
Bobby,  appearing  from  behind  the  broad  shoul- 
ders of  the  American  Friend.  "I  say,  Miss 
Casino,  lend  me  a  needle  and  a  bit  of  thread. 
My — ahem — arum-a-tum-tums  caught  on  a  nail, 
and  the  Censor's  in  front.  Evening,  Squibsey. 
You're  looking  out  of  sight.  When  do  I  get 
that  notice?" 

Little  Bobby  is  not  responsible.  But  she  is 
pretty  and  clever,  and  so  we  bear  with  her.  At 
a  sign  from  me  Prue  took  her  behind  a  screen, 
from  whence  occasional  shrieks  announced 
plainly  enough  that  the  needle  was  doing  its 
work. 

"  What  is  this  extraordinary  tip  you're  so  ex- 
cited about?  "  I  asked,  as  I  made  a  last  dab  into 
the  rouge  pot.  "  Not  the  races.  I  warn  you, 


Mr.  Squibs  Clears  the  Way         11 

never  again  the  races.  Not  to  be  flippant, 
there  are  two  things  I  shall  always  remember : 
first,  the  Maine  ;  second,  the  Ascot  Cup.  With 
respect  to  the  latter,  my  dressmaker  and  a  cer- 
tain worthy  greengrocer  with  a  growing  family 
are  my  comrades  in  adversity.  If  it  is  the 
races,  good  evening." 

"  On  the  contrary,  it's  a  sure  thing,"  said  the 
American  Friend. 

"  Exactly  what  the  welcher  said  about  his 
tip  on  the  Cup,"  said  I. 

"Squibs,  you  tell  her,"  said  the  American 
Friend ;  "my  clothes  still  seem  to  smell  of  that 
beastly  race." 

The  journalist  beamed  upon  me  again. 

"It's  something  awfully  jolly,  you  know, 
Miss  Casino.  You  are  to  write  a  book." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  Mr.  Squibs  ?  " 

"  I  say,  old  chap,  you  tell  her,"  said  Squibs, 
who  seemed  disconcerted  by  my  evident  in- 
credulity. 

"  That's  perfectly  straight,"  said  the  Amer- 
ican Friend ;  "  you  are  to  write  a  book  about 
your  London  experiences." 

"Who  is  foolish  enough  to  want  to  read 
about  my  London  experiences  ?  "  I  demanded. 


12         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  The  American  public,  my  dear ;  the  great 
American  public." 

"  And  the  London  public.  'Pon  honor,  the 
London  public  would  be  charmed,  you  know," 
said  Squibs. 

"  But  what  experiences  have  I  had  that  peo- 
ple would  care  to  read  about  ?  "  I  asked,  still 
more  than  half  believing  that  the  American 
Friend  was  chaffing  me. 

"  Rubbish ! "  piped  Little  Bobby  over  the 
screen.  "  Did  you  meet  the  Prince,  or  didn't 
you?" 

Whereat  Mr.  Squibs  nodded  his  head,  still 
smiling  reassuringly. 

"  Do  you  mean  that  I  could  do  that  without 
exhibiting  vulgar  disrespect  ?  How  could  I  go 
about  boasting  of  such  things — least  of  all  put 
them  into  a  book  ?  " 

"  Oh,  really,  now,  you  know,"  said  Mr. 
Squibs,  "that's  all  your  American  idea.  It 
depends  on  how  it's  done." 

"  Exactly,"  said  the  American  Friend.  "  Why 
half  the  country  inns  in  England  are  patronized 
by  the  royal  family,  if  you  may  believe  their 
advertisements." 

"  And  I  wash  with  the  same  soap  the  Queen 


Mr.  Squibs  Clears  the  Way         13 

does,"  chirped  Little  Bobby;  "it  says  so  on 
the  box." 

And  Mr.  Squibs,  the  best  mannered  and  best 
dressed  man  I  had  met  in  England,  sat  and 
smiled  and  nodded  his  head  as  much  as  to  say  : 
"  You  see  how  we  do  it  over  here,  my  dear.  It 
is  little  things  like  these  that  have  made  us  the 
greatest  nation  that  ever  ruled  the  earth.  Why 
can't  you  take  a  leaf  out  of  our  book,  Miss 
Casino  ?  When  you  are  in  Rome — you  know 
the  rest." 

"  First  of  all  you  owe  it  to  your  profession 
at  home,"  said  the  American  Friend,  "  to  write 
this  book." 

"  What  interest  has  my  profession  at  home 
in  the  matter,"  I  asked,  "  besides  its  natural  joy 
at  the  spectacle  of  a  fellow  member  making  a 
fool  of  herself?" 

This  rude  inquiry  seemed  to  put  the  Amer- 
ican Friend  on  his  mettle,  and  he  proceeded  to 
argue  the  matter,  with  a  certain  logic,  I  must 
admit,  as  follows : 

"My  dear,  you're  too  modest.  You  don't 
half  appreciate  the  significance  of  your  achieve- 
ment. It  was  reserved  for  you  to  turn  the  tide 
of  conquest.  For  how  many  years  had  that 
tide  flowed  uninterruptedly  from  East  to  West — 


14         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

from  London  to  New  York  ?  Consider  the  long 
procession  beginning  with  the  original  British 
Blonde  "— 

"  Oh  Lord !  the  British  Blonde !  "  sniffed  Lit- 
tle Bobby,  behind  the  screen. 

"  And  ending  with  the  Gaiety  Girl." 

"  The  girl  we've  left  behind  us,"  commented 
Little  Bobby  with  unction. 

"  Always  moving  with  the  Sun  from  East  to 
West.  My  dear,  is  it  nothing  to  have  headed  a 
procession  that  moves  in  the  opposite  direction? 
To  have  represented  your  profession  with  dis- 
tinction? To  have  compelled  the  leaders  of 
society  " — 

"Not  forgetting  'Is  Royal  Tghness,"  said 
Little  Bobby,  grasping  another  opportunity  to 
practise  her  brand  new  cockney  dialect. 

"To  open  their  doors  to  you?  Is  such  a 
conquest  to  go  unchronicled  merely  because  its 
heroine  has  scruples  about  exploiting  herself  in 
the  light  of  attentions  paid  her  by  Lord  Dan- 
gerford,  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury,  and  one 
who  "— 

"  Oh,  I'll  answer  for  the  Prince,"  said  Little 
Bobby,  cheerfully ;  "  he'll  be  tickled  to  death." 

"  Really,  Miss  Casino,  the  matter  doesn't  ad- 
mit of  argument,  you  know,"  urged  Mr.  Squibs. 


Mr.  Squibs  Clears  the  Way         15 

"But  I  don't  know  the  first  thing  about 
writing  a  book,"  I  protested.  "  It  is  one  thing 
to  sit  down  and  write  to  a  friend  about  your  ex- 
periences, and  quite  another  to  put  them  into  a 
book  for  everybody  to  read.  I  shouldn't  know 
how  to  begin,  even.  Perhaps  if  I  could  imag- 
ine that  I  were  whispering  my  confidences  into 
the  ear  of  a  discreet  and  loyal  friend  in 
America  "- 

Another  interruption  from  Little  Bobby,  who 
now  appeared  from  behind  the  screen  with  her 
garb  repaired  and  her  shapely  limbs  fit  for  the 
Managerial  Censor's  most  critical  scrutiny. 

"  The  Statue  of  Liberty,"  she  said,  with  a 
triumphant  glance  at  Mr.  Squibs. 

"  Bravo !  "  exclaimed  that  gentleman,  clap- 
ping his  gloved  hands.  "  I  say,  Miss  Casino, 
there's  an  idea  for  you.  It  makes  all  plain  sail- 
ing, with  opportunity  for  a  genuine  Homeric 
touch  at  the  beginning  of  the  first  chapter." 

"  For  example  ?  "  said  I,  insinuatingly.  And 
Mr.  Squibs  rose  and  declaimed  my  first  chapter 
in  this  wise : 

"  Into  your  ear,  O  chaste  and  beneficent  God- 
dess, I  venture  to  whisper  these  confessions. 
Since  last  I  saw  you,  draped  in  your  classic 
robes,  bearing  aloft  your  steadfast  torch,  no 


16         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

triumph  won  in  a  strange  land  has  driven  from 
my  memory  the  smile  of  encouragement  which 
I  seemed  to  see  hovering  upon  thy  chiseled  lips. 
It  was  that  smile,  O  Liberty,  that  revived  my 
drooping  spirits;  that  bade  me  resign  myself 
with  confidence  to  the  good  ship,  to  the  vener- 
able ocean,  and  to  the  arms  of  the  mother  coun- 
try. Therefore,  dear  Goddess,  when,  in  my 
crude  and  untutored  way," — 

"  Tommy  rot ! "  broke  in  Little  Bobby. 
"  Chuck  it." 

"  Second  act ! "  yelled  the  call  boy,  thrusting 
his  head  into  my  dressing-room. 

"  So  be  it,"  I  said,  as  Mr.  Squibs  escaped  with 
the  American  Friend.  "But  'my  crude  and 
untutored  way '  shall  speak  for  itself  without 
apology." 

And  so  the  die  was  cast. 


CHAPTER  II 

THEY'KE  OFF  ! 

"  MY  dear,  do  be  calm,"  said  the  Artiste,  who, 
swaddled  like  a  mummy  in  her  Scotch  plaid 
steamer  rug,  was  placidly  reading  a  French 
novel.  "Sit  down.  Be  quiet.  You'll  annoy 
the  Captain.  He  knows  what  he's  about." 

"  It's  all  very  well  for  you  who  have  crossed 
before,"  I  said,  "  to  have  confidence  in  the  Cap- 
tain. As  for  me,  I  think  I  know  how  to  sym- 
pathize with  Columbus'  poor  sailors.  Here  we 
have  been  for  six  days  floating  about  in  a  fog. 
We  are  supposed  to  be  somewhere  in  the  Eng- 
lish Channel.  Yesterday  we  were  promised  a 
glimpse  of  Scilly.  Last  night  we  were  to  have 
seen  the  Lizzard  light,  but  didn't.  I  have  faith 
to  believe  that  when  we  lost  sight  of  Sandy 
Hook  the  Captain  had  aimed  the  ship  for  that 
fly  speck  off  somewhere  beyond  the  Northeast- 
ern horizon  called  England,  but  what  assurance 
have  I  that  he'll  hit  the  mark  ?  I  don't  blame 
the  Captain.  It's  a  mighty  small  mark  to  hit  in 
a  fog." 

17 


i8         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

The  last  words  of  my  plaint  were  drowned 
in  the  groaning  shriek  of  the  siren.  Presently 
there  came  an  answering  groan,  faint  but  omi- 
nous, from  somewhere  off  the  port  bow — the 
first  we  had  heard  since  our  ship's  dismal  solo 
began  off  the  Banks. 

"  Cheer  up,"  said  the  Artiste,  closing  her 
novel  and  preparing  to  emerge  from  her  rug. 

"Does  that  mean  land? "  I  asked  eagerly. 

Again  our  siren  spoke,  and  its  voice  seemed 
to  have  an  upward  inflection.  Again  came  the 
answering  groan,  louder  and  with  a  menacing 
note  in  it. 

"  It  means  a  ship  crossing  our  bows." 

"A  companion  in  misery  is  something,"  I 
said. 

The  dialogue  between  the  two  sirens  was  be- 
coming rapid  and  emphatic.  We  stood  by  the 
rail  straining  our  eyes  to  catch  a  glimpse  of  the 
stranger  through  the  swirling  mist.  Little 
Bobby,  her  tossing  curls  beady  with  moisture, 
came  flying  toward  us  from  the  door  of  the 
wheel  house. 

"  Buck  up,  me  'earties,"  exclaimed  our  indus- 
trious imitator  of  the  cockney  Second  Steward. 
"  Hit's  only  two  hours  to  Southampton." 

"  How  do  you  know  ?  "  I  asked. 


They're  Off!  19 

"  The  First  Hofficer  just  said  so." 
"How  does  the  First  Officer  know?" 
"  'E  says  as  'ow  the  other  boat  is  a  French 
packet  making  for  Jersey." 

"  Then  but  for  the  fog  we  should  be  within 
sight  of  the  Isle  of  Wight,"  I  said.  "  Oh  what 
a  beastly  entrance ! " 

I  had  set  my  heart  on  a  more  propitious  ap- 
proach to  the  scene  of  the  conquest  expected 
of  me.  The  gloomy  passage  had  intensified  all 
the  superstitions  of  ,my  profession.  I  trembled 
at  the  thought  of  the  opening  night  in  London 
— London !  The  name  of  this  centre  of  the  the- 
atrical universe  seemed  to  gain  new  dignity 
from  my  present  standpoint.  I,  a  miserable 
atom  tossed  by  wretched  little  Channel  waves, 
buried  in  a  fog,  crawling  blindly  toward  the 
giant  to  seize  him  for  my  prey  !  Already  tre- 
mors of  stage  fright  were  shaking  my  poor  knees. 
An  effective  entrance  upon  the  scene  is  half  the 
battle.  Would  that  first  terrible  London  au- 
dience be  frozen  into  indifference  by  an  en- 
trance upon  the  stage  as  wretched  as  that  I  was 
now  making  upon  England  ?  What  a  dreadful 
omen  !  Oh,  that  the  fog  would  lift ;  oh,  for  a 
single  ray  of  sunlight ! 

"  How  are  you  feeling,  dear  ?  "     It  was  the 


2o         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

Comedienne,  the  maddest,  merriest,  most  irre- 
sponsible of  our  party.  Her  expression  was 
woe-begone.  The  light  had  gone  out  of  her 
eyes.  Her  nose  was  red.  She  rubbed  it  on  my 
shoulder  tearfully  as  she  put  her  arm  around 
me  and  snuggled  up  as  though  to  a  natural 
protector. 

"  Goodness  gracious,  go  away !  "  I  exclaimed. 
"  You  are  free  enough  with  your  pranks  when 
the  sun  shines.  Now  that  a  little  artificial 
warmth  would  be  appreciated  you  are  as  limp  as 
a  rag.  Go  away  ;  I  hate  red  noses  in  a  fog." 

"  Very  well,  dear.  I  knew  it.  You  feel  just 
as  I  do,  and  I  feel  just  as  that  prince  of  bluffers, 
Monte  Cristo,  looks  from  the  front  as  though  he 
must  feel  when  he  stands  on  the  rock  in  his 
rags  and  shouts  like  an  idiot :  '  The  world  is 
mine  ! '  Darling,  I  want  to  go  home." 

To  cap  the  climax  of  our  misery  Daffy  came 
up  leaning  tenderly  on  the  arm  of  the  Liar. 
They  had  been  sworn  enemies  for  months. 
Now  her  dank  hair  brushed  his  cheek,  and  they 
leaned  upon  each  other  for  support  in  their 
despair.  Little  Bobby,  dancing  up,  broke  the 
spell. 

"  Buck  up,  me  boy,"  she  said  to  the  Liar, 


They're  Off!  21 

giving  him  a  slap  on  the  back.  "  The  bloomin' 
ship's  still  afloat." 

"  Look !  the  fog  is  lifting,"  I  exclaimed,  as 
the  shadowy  form  of  the  other  ship  hove  in 
sight  a  quarter  of  a  mile  away,  having  crossed 
our  course. 

"  The  Sun !  the  Sun  !  "  said  the  Comedienne. 

Far  behind  us  the  dull  sea  gleamed  with  a 
touch  of  silver.  It  looked  like  a  patch  the  size 
of  a  city  square.  It  seemed  to  be  overtaking 
us.  A  glorious  acre  of  blue  smiled  above  it. 
The  banks  of  fog  rolled  back  still  farther. 
The  rent  in  the  clouds  broadened.  The  patch 
of  silver  danced  forward  and  enveloped  us. 

"  Hip,  hip !  "  said  the  Comedienne.  "  Hurrah 
for  us ! " 

The  sound  of  angry,  sarcastic  voices  reached 
me.  Daffy  and  the  Liar  had  resumed  their 
feud. 

"  How  dare  you  speak  to  me,  sir ! " 

"  Excuse  me  for  being  alive  ?  " 

In  front  of  us  the  horizon  was  still  blurred 
by  misty  clouds.  I  searched  eagerly  among 
them  for  outlines  more  stable  than  their  chang- 
ing shapes.  My  eyes  were  keen  for  the  first 
sight  of  land.  My  eyesight  is  famously  good. 
It  had  already  given  odds  to  several  glasses 


22         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

ostentatiously  carried  about  by  fellow  passen- 
gers. I  said  to  myself  that  if  I  could  be  the 
first  to  discern  the  Needles  and  their  neighbor- 
ing white  cliffs  all  the  bad  omens  of  the  voyage 
would  go  for  nought.  I  should  accept  the  new 
augury  as  a  foretaste  of  victory  over  there  a 
little  way  beyond  the  misty  clouds.  I  was 
conscious  of  a  powerful  attraction  in  the  ship 
that  had  crossed  our  course  almost  at  right 
angles.  She  seemed  to  be  proceeding  with  a 
confidence  that  we  somehow  lacked.  I  glanced 
at  the  bridge  and  saw  the  Captain  scanning  a 
wide  expanse  of  the  horizon  with  his  glass. 
"Is  he  looking  for  a  pilot?"  I  asked  myself. 
"  Or  is  he  in  doubt  about  his  course  ?  "  Even 
idiots  find  short  cuts  to  the  truth.  I  could  not 
help  feeling  that  we  were  sailing  too  much  to- 
ward the  East.  So  I  continued  to  bend  my 
gaze  in  the  direction  of  the  stranger  ship,  past 
her  deep  into  the  mist  that  each  moment  grew 
more  diaphanous  as  the  rays  of  the  afternoon 
sun  became  warmer  and  more  penetrating. 
Presently  certain  clouds  appeared  to  me  to  take 
on  the  quality  of  a  veil  swaying  over  rugged 
outlines  that  were  immovable.  I  rubbed  my 
eyes  and  looked  again.  No.  I  was  not  mis- 
taken. Something  solid  was  behind  that  veil. 


They're  Off!  23 

It  was  land — the  first  foreign  shore  I  had  ever 
beheld. 

"  It's  mine,  mine  !  "  I  cried  joyfully. 

"  What's  yours  ?  "  queried  a  chorus  of  voices. 

"  England,  London,"  said  I. 

"  And  pray  why  is  England  yours  ?  "  inquired 
the  Artiste  regarding  me  with  amazement. 

"  Because  I  saw  it  first,"  said  I. 

"  Oh,  that  settles  it,"  said  the  Comedienne. 
"But  where?" 

"  The  other  ship  is  making  straight  for  it." 

"  I  see  nothing  but  clouds,"  said  the  Artiste, 
turning  away.  "  The  nearest  land  must  be  the 
Isle  of  Wight,  and  if  the  Isle  of  Wight  lies 
over  there  what  in  the  name  of  goodness  are 
we  steering  for  ?  " 

A  profane  exclamation  from  the  Liar  directed 
our  attention  to  a  new  phenomenon.  He  was 
leaning  over  the  rail  and  apostrophizing  our 
ship's  wake,  which  was  curving  like  a  rain- 
bow. 

"  Look ! "  I  cried  in  triumph.  "  We  are 
turning  toward  the  North.  We  are  following 
the  other  ship.  What  did  I  tell  you  ?  " 

My  triumph  was  complete.  Our  ship  com- 
pleted a  sweeping  semicircle  and  then  headed 
straight  for  the  white  cliffs  that  now  showed 


24         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

distinctly  in   the   sun,  all   but  their  summits 
which  were  wreathed  in  a  film  of  vapor. 

When  we  had  finished  dancing  about  the 
deck  and  hugging  each  other,  Little  Bobby  ap- 
proached me  with  exaggerated  humility,  her 
forefinger  at  the  side  of  her  bicycle  cap,  and 
said : 

"  Hi  begs  yer  pardon,  missus ;  Hengland  is 
yours.     Hi  'ereby  renounces  hall  claim." 
Followed  by  the  Come'dienne  praying : 
"  Please,  mum,  all  I  asks  is  one  little  Duke." 
"  My  dears,  if  Dukes  are  to  be  had  for  the 
asking  each  of  you  shall  go  home  a  Duchess. 
At  this  moment  I  feel  that  London  is  already 
mine.     You   may   have   the   Dukes   and   wel- 
come." 

To  me  these  details  of  first  impressions  are 
not  trivial  or  unworthy  of  a  place  in  this  chron- 
icle. All  of  them  had  a  significant  bearing 
upon  the  momentous  object  of  my  pilgrimage. 
London,  presented  to  my  mind's  eye  lurking  be- 
hind a  rampart  of  fog,  seemed  a  monster 
crouching  in  ambush  eager  to  crush  and  devour 
me.  It  did  not  seem  to  me  that  I  could  sur- 
vive a  landing  on  English  soil  under  such  ma- 
levolent conditions.  The  coming  of  the  sun, 
the  glistening  welcome  of  Britain's  white  cliffs, 


"  Dancing  about  the  deck.1' — Page  24. 


They're  Off!  25 

changed  all.  London  and  that  crucial  first 
night  lost  all  their  terrors.  As  the  red-tiled 
roofs  came  into  view  beyond  the  white  cliffs, 
and  the  sweet  English  landscape,  with  its 
charming  richness  of  verdure,  seemed  to  smile 
upon  me  with  a  countenance  clean  and  glowing 
as  though  just  washed  by  heaven  in  honor  of 
my  coming,  I  had  a  prophetic  vision  of  my  first 
London  audience  showering  upon  me  its  favors 
from  boxes,  stalls,  pit  and  gallery.  At  that 
moment  I  knew  the  vision  would  be  realized. 
And  though  I  knew  it  would  have  faded  away 
hours  before  my  great  need  of  it  should  come  I 
was  grateful  for  it,  and  I  kissed  my  hands  at 
the  green  hedges  and  the  close,  dark  foliage 
again  and  again. 

Up  the  Solent,  past  Cowes  where  the  towers 
of  Osborne  House,  beloved  of  the  Queen,  point 
their  fingers  upward  through  green  domes,  on 
past  gently  sloping  hillsides  checkered  with 
different-hued  crops,  lights  and  shadows  play- 
ing hide  and  seek  everywhere,  their  outlines 
softened  and  vague  in  the  humid  atmosphere. 
Yes.  This  was  the  England  of  my  dreams. 
Who  would  not  die  fighting  for  her  ? — Who  of 
her  sons  ?  Who  could  hope  to  wrest  her  from 


26         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

them  ?     Shade  of  Julius  Caesar,  what  were  you 
thinking  of? 

Evidences  of  an  unusual  commotion  about  the 
decks  disturbed  my  reverie.  A  donkey  engine 
awoke  into  spasmodic  industry.  Excited  voices 
reached  my  ears. 

"  Little  Bobby !     Little  Bobby  !  " 

"  Comin',  mum,  comhi'." 

"  Look,  Little  Bobby.  Coming  through  the 
gate.  Your  namesake." 

We  were  within  a  stone's  throw  of  the 
Southampton  Docks,  and  the  Comedienne  had 
caught  sight  of  a  burly  and  awesome  figure 
surmounted  by  a  black  helmet  strapped  under 
his  moustache.  He  raised  an  authoritative  fore- 
finger and  an  obstreperous  cart  horse  reared 
back  on  his  haunches,  saluting  with  his  fore- 
feet in  the  air,  and  instantly  became  meek  and 
law-abiding. 

Safely  landed.  Special  train  for  London 
waiting  in  the  background.  Money  changer  in 
foreground  doing  a  rushing  business.  Hand 
over  known  value  in  Uncle  Sam's  pledges 
to  redeem ;  receive  unknown  value  in  coins 
bearing  Her  Majesty's  portrait.  Pocketbook 
stuffed  with  them.  They  must  be  good  for 


They're  Off!  27 

everybody  wants  a  sample.  Porters  on  all 
sides,  smiling  and  expectant. 

"Boxes,  mum?  This  way,  mum.  Thank 
you."  Two  and  six. 

"Customs  hofficer?  Division  C,  mum. 
Thank  you."  Two  bob. 

"  Cable  hoffice,  mum  ?  First  turn  on  the 
left,  mum.  Thank  you."  One  and  six. 

"  Change  for  a  sovereign,  mum  ?  Hover  by 
the  door,  mum.  Thank  you."  Threppence — 
all  the  coppers  in  my  purse. 

"  Luggage  to  London,  mum  ?  This  way, 
mum.  Thank  you."  One  bob. 

"Check  for  luggage,  mum?  An  Hamerican 
custom,  mum.  Quite  superfluous  'ere,  mum. 
Thank  you."  Sixpence. 

"  First  class  carriage,  mum  ?  'Ere  you  are, 
mum.  Thank  you."  Tuppence. 

"  Compartment  hexclusive,  mum  ?  Difficult, 
mum — thank  you  (half  a  crown) — but  possible. 
'Ere  you  are,  mum.  Thank  you."  Two  shill- 
ings. 

The  Comedienne  is  flushed  and  disheveled. 
She  throws  herself  back  in  a  corner  of  the  com- 
partment, breathing  hard. 

"  My  dear,  have  you  any  of  those  portraits  of 
the  Queen  left  in  your  purse  ?  " 


28         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  A  few.     Why  do  you  ask  ?  " 

"  Lend  me  tuppence,  won't  you.  I  have  a 
presentiment  that  the  Prince  will  be  at  the  sta- 
tion." 

Rumble  and  roar.  More  green  hedges; 
more  red  tiled  roofs.  It  is  nearly  nine  o'clock, 
but  the  sky  is  still  red  over  the  hills  to  the 
Northwest.  The  long  English  Spring  twilight 
has  just  begun.  It  still  lingers  while  we  rattle 
through  the  tawdry  modern  suburbs  of  the 
giant  city.  Cheap  new  brick  boxes  only  a  trifle 
smaller  than  the  squalid,  vainglorious  "gar- 
dens "  which  contain  them.  All  the  charm  of 
rural  England  has  vanished.  All  the  majesty 
of  London's  ancient  history  is  insulted  and 
dimmed  by  this  plebeian,  upstart  approach.  My 
recent  vision  of  certain,  speedy  conquest  has 
faded  quite  away.  Grey  old  St.  Paul's  to 
the  right ;  Westminster  and  the  Houses  of  Par- 
liament on  the  left.  Once  more  I  am  a 
wretched  atom,  the  sport  of  destiny. 

London — Waterloo  Station.  "Alone  in  Lon- 
don!" 


CHAPTER  III 

COMPLIMENTS    OF   LOKD   DANGEKFOBD 

A  SMALL  residential  hotel  at  the  bottom  of 
some  fag  end  of  a  street  near  the  Strand  which 
I  never  could  find  without  the  assistance  of  a 
policeman,  sheltered  me  during  my  first  week 
in  London.  The  establishment  had  a  meek  and 
brow-beaten  exterior  wholly  inconsistent  with 
its  inner  workings.  A  "  residential "  hotel  in 
London  is  a  hotel  that  provides  all  the  discom- 
forts of  home  and  presents  an  itemized  bill  for 
the  same  at  the  end  of  each  week.  The  bill 
includes  "  attendance,"  but  that  fact,  stipulated 
in  the  bond,  does  not  absolve  you  from  the  for- 
eigner's sacred  duty  of  scattering  his  small 
change  right  and  left,  morning,  noon  and  night. 
As  he  sows  silver  and  coppers  so  shall  he  reap 
the  necessaries  of  existence.  No  planting  of 
the  seed,  no  harvesting  of  the  crop.  Fortu- 
nately for  my  physical  comfort  I  was  far  too 
depressed  mentally  to  make  any  show  of  resist- 
ance. I  was  a  veritable  fountain  designed  for 
no  other  apparent  purpose  than  that  of  spout- 

29 


30         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

ing  a  steady  stream  of  coin  of  the  realm,  which, 
descending  in  a  spray  of  shillings  and  sixpence, 
should  moisten  the  parched  palms  of  the  serv- 
ing multitude.  Though  I  must  admit  that  the 
greater  part  of  this  multitude  was  distinguished 
by  a  rugged  and  constitutional  honesty  in  most 
matters,  my  entire  willingness  to  accept  ten 
shillings  in  change  for  a  sovereign  and  an  equal 
number  of  pennies  for  a  shilling,  was  a  source 
of  no  small  profit  to  numerous  worthy  persons. 
Three  horrible  days  and  nights  had  to  be 
lived  through  before  I  should  know  my  fate. 
Between  showers  on  the  afternoon  of  the  first 
day  I  set  out  for  a  stroll  to  the  theatre,  barely 
half  a  dozen  squares  distant  on  the  other  side 
of  the  Strand,  intending  to  inspect  the  line  of 
distinguished  Londoners  awaiting  their  turn  at 
the  box  office,  and  to  determine,  if  possible,  to 
what  extent  the  royal  family  and  the  nobility 
were  represented.  After  losing  myself  seven 
or  eight  times,  and  each  time  being  assured  by 
a  policeman  that  "  the  first  turning  to  the  right, 
second  turning  to  the  left  "  would  bring  me  to 
my  destination,  I  secured  a  hansom,  and,  hav- 
ing been  driven  at  least  six  miles  in  as  many 
different  directions — for  which  I  had  to  pay 
eight  miles'  worth — I  was  at  length  deposited 


Compliments  of  Lord  Dangerford    31 

in  front  of  a  large  frame  of  photographs  exhib- 
iting my  attractions  in  different  costumes. 

Alas !  in  vain  I  looked  for  that  long  line  of 
prospective  first-nighters  representing  the  flower 
of  British  aristocracy.  The  box  office  was 
there.  Its  window  stood  invitingly  open.  A 
gentleman  with  a  beard,  a  high  forehead  and  an 
aspect  of  congealed  expectancy  stared  into  the 
deserted  lobby  through  the  aperture.  On  either 
side  of  the  entrance  fulsome  announcements  of 
my  coming,  of  my  astonishing  and  overpower- 
ing gifts,  of  my  high  personal  and  artistic  ex- 
cellencies too  numerous  to  mention,  stared  me 
in  the  face  like  hollow  mockeries. 

Presently  two  unclean  youths  smoking  pipes 
stopped  in  front  of  the  photographs,  looked 
them  over  in  contemptuous  silence,  and  passed 
on  to  one  of  the  bills,  which  they  proceeded 
with  much  deliberation  to  read  and  digest. 
Finally  the  more  unclean  of  the  two  remarked  : 

"W'otdoyous'y,  Bill?" 

"  Gammon,  I  says." 

"  Cheek,  says  I." 

And  they  went  on  their  way  puffing  at  their 
pipes. 

Scorned  by  the  pit.  Held  in  contempt  by 
the  gallery.  What  could  I  expect  from  the 


32         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

stalls?  Would  the  boxes  deign  to  recognize 
the  fact  of  my  existence  ? 

So  I  called  another  hansom  and  drove  dis- 
mally back  to  my  sowing  of  shillings  and  my 
reaping  of  small  civilities. 

Domiciled  with  me  during  these  days  of  su- 
preme trial  were  the  Artiste,  the  Comedienne, 
Little  Bobby,  Daffy,  the  Liar,  and  Tommy  At- 
kins— the  last  so  named  on  account  of  her  in- 
stantly acquired  propensity  for  running  after 
the  Queen's  scarlet-coated  protectors.  The  Ar- 
tiste wore  her  customary  air  of  serenity.  The 
others  might  have  been  festooned  with  crape 
and  gained  thereby  no  added  aspect  of  woe. 

The  state  apartments  of  the  establishment, 
consisting  of  a  sitting-room  and,  presumably,  a 
sleeping-room,  were  directly  across  the  narrow 
hall  from  my  own  comparatively  humble  quar- 
ters. They  were  occupied  by  that  mighty  per- 
sonage, our  manager,  who  was  booked  to  sail 
for  America  on  the  Saturday  after  our  opening. 
His  efforts  to  appear  smiling  and  confident  were 
really  pitiful.  Fortunately  a  cosmopolitan  in- 
dividual, hardened  by  many  years  of  managerial 
controversies  with  Italian  prima  donna  and 
French  tragediennes  on  land  and  sea — a  verita- 
ble singed  cat  among  managers — widely  known 


Compliments  of  Lord  Dangerford    33 

as  "the  American's  Friend  in  London,"  called 
daily  with  words  of  hope.  Accordingly  our 
manager  was  enabled  to  pull  himself  together 
when  in  our  presence  and  maintain  a  mild  and 
uncertain  semblance  of  authority.  On  the 
morning  of  the  day  of  our  opening  performance 
I  chanced  to  discover  how  really  desperate  was 
the  situation  which  confronted  him.  A  cham- 
bermaid entering  with  a  shilling's  worth  of  in- 
quiry whether  I  had  rung,  and  making  her 
mollified  exit  leaving  the  door  ajar,  I  was 
startled  by  the  sound  of  violent  weeping  which 
seemed  to  come  from  across  the  hall.  I  stepped 
outside  my  door  and  perceived  that  the  lamen- 
tations proceeded  from  our  manager's  sitting- 
room,  his  door  being  slightly  open.  Mingled 
with  these  mournful  sounds  were  indistinct 
ejaculations  of  protest.  The  latter  at  length 
gained  the  ascendancy,  and  my  astonished  ears 
drank  in  the  following  significant  words : 

"  No,  no ;  I  say  no.  You  shall  stay.  You 
shall  not  go  back  with  me.  I  tell  you  I  shall 
not  trust  Miss  Casino  to  the  tender  mercies  of 
a  lot  of  envious  English  chorus  people.  Now 
my  dear,  do  brace  up." 

"Boo,  hoo,  hoo,  I  don't  care;  I  want  to  go 
home.  Boo,  hoo,  hoo,  hoo." 


34         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

It  was  Little  Bobby.  I  could  hardly  believe 
my  ears.  At  the  manager's  next  words  I  nearly 
fainted. 

"  Little  Bobby,  you  are  the  limit.  I  thought 
I  could  rely  on  you.  I  expected  it  of  the  oth- 
ers, and  I  haven't  been  disappointed.  They've 
all  been  here  begging  me  to  take  them  home, 
throwing  away  the  opportunity  of  their  lives, 
weeping  buckets  full — every  one  of  them.  But 
you,!"- 

I  waited  to  hear  no  more,  but  returned  to  my 
room  and  proceeded  to  weep  several  buckets 
full  on  my  own  account.  I  had  hardly  accom- 
plished this  comforting  duty  when  the  Come'- 
dienne  burst  into  my  room  in  a  state  of  wild 
dismay,  crying: 

"  It's  all  over." 

I  gave  her  a  look  of  resigned  inquiry. 

"  London  won't  have  us.     It's  all  settled." 

And  then,  flinging  herself  into  an  armchair 
and  swaying  to  and  fro  distractedly,  the  Come'- 
dienne  uttered  these  ominous  words : 

"  Daffy  and  the  Liar  are  making  up  again ! " 

I  have  already  mentioned  the  brief  suspen- 
sion of  this  celebrated  feud  during  the  darkest 
period  of  our  foggy  approach  to  England.  It 
was  well  understood  among  us  that  the  mildest 


Compliments  of  Lord  Dangerford    35 

approach  to  an  armistice  between  these  two 
mortal  enemies  portended  calamity.  The  fact 
that  they  were  actually  making  up  was  preg- 
nant with  the  most  disastrous  possibilities. 
The  Comedienne  and  I  sat  staring  at  each  other 
in  stony  despair  until  we  were  summoned  to  at- 
tend the  final  dress  rehearsal. 

I  have  prayed  that  this  humiliating  function 
might  be  erased  from  my  memory.  Chaos  is 
the  only  word  that  approaches  an  intelligent 
description  of  it.  To  begin  with,  the  manager 
worked  himself  into  a  violent  temper  over  the 
absence  of  one  of  the  scene  shifters.  Then  he 
created  a  panic  among  the  chorus  people  by 
sending  them  all  to  their  rooms  to  dress  over 
again.  There  was  a  tempest  over  a  wrinkle  in 
one  of  the  Artiste's  first  act  stockings,  from 
which  that  usually  placid  person  retired  in 
tears.  My  make-up  was  declared  to  have  been 
applied  with  a  whitewash  brush,  whereat  I  wept 
and  spent  another  half  hour  over  it.  It  was 
after  four  o'clock  when  the  company's  outward 
aspect  finally  passed  muster.  But  there  was 
worse  to  come. 

"  Now  if  you  will  condescend  to  give  me  a 
part — only  a  part — of  your  valuable  attention," 
said  the  manager,  with  withering  courtesy,  "  I 


36         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

desire  to  make  a  few  general  remarks — perti- 
nent, I  assure  you,  and  necessary.  Is  there  any 
one  present  who  knows  how  it  seems  to  play  to 
empty  benches  ?  " 

A  moment  of  silence  relieved  by  scattering 
spasmodic  sobs. 

"  Does  it  happen  that  any  of  you  know  what 
it  is  to  be  hissed  ?  " 

More  sobs  interspersed  with  sundry  gulps  and 
moans. 

"  Perchance  a  few  of  you  know  how  it  feels 
to  be  pelted  with  cabbages — and  other  vegeta- 
bles?" 

Whimpers  from  the  ladies ;  sepulchral  groans 
from  the  gentlemen. 

"Fie,  fie,  ladies  and  gentlemen.  At  your 
ages — I  believe  some  of  you  ladies  are  more  than 
sixteen — to  still  cherish  such  childish  illusions — 
always  packed  houses,  always  applause  and  cur- 
tain calls,  always  bouquets  and  bracelets.  Fie, 
fie,  I  say." 

And  then,  after  a  ghastly  pause,  in  tones  of 
thunder : 

"Have  any  of  you  ever  had  to  WALK 
HOME  ! " 

Sounds  of  lamentation  from  all  sides.  Above 
which,  in  still  more  thunderous  accents : 


Compliments  of  Lord  Dangerford    37 

"  It  is  well.  This  night  shall  bring  to  you 
the  blessing  of  wisdom.  The  house  will  be 
empty.  You  will  be  hissed.  You  will  be  pelted 
with  cabbages.  And  to-morrow  " — 

Another  tragic  pause. 

"  TO-MOKROW  YOU  WALK  HOME  ! " 

Whereupon  Daffy  and  the  Liar  instantly  and 
publicly  fell  into  each  other's  arms. 

The  rehearsal  then  proceeded  with  tolerable 
success.  Chastened  by  mental  suffering,  re- 
signed to  the  worst,  we  were  martyrs  to  duty, 
going  through  our  parts  with  a  precision  never 
before  achieved. 

At  the  conclusion  of  the  rehearsal  the  mana- 
ger looked  at  his  watch,  smiled  the  smile  of  a 
victorious  general  and  said: 

"  Seven  o'clock.  I  have  ordered  some  tea 
and  buttered  buns  served  on  the  stage.  Any 
member  of  the  company  removing  his  or  her 
costume  or  make-up  until  after  this  evening's 
performance  will  be  fined  one  week's  salary. 
Jack !  Jack  ! " 

The  guardian  of  the  stage  entrance  appeared. 
"Jack,  lock  the  doors." 

We  will  pass  over  the  interval  of  tea  and 
buttered  buns. 

It  Was  perhaps  an  hour  later,  while  I  was 


38         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

nervously  experimenting  with  my  darkened  eye- 
lashes, that  the  Comedienne  burst  into  my 
dressing-room  wildly  excited,  saying : 

"  What  do  you  think,  dear  ?  There  are  at 
least  fifty  people  in  the  gallery!"  And  out 
she  bounded  again. 

This  was  the  signal  for  a  succession  of  start- 
ling communications  hurled  at  me  through  my 
open  door  during  the  next  half  hour. 

"  Well,  if  this  'ere  ain't  a  rum  go.  The  pit 
is  packed,"  screamed  Little  Bobby  at  me  with 
sparkling  eyes. 

"  The  stalls  are  filling  up,"  shrieked  Tommy 
Atkins. 

"  Such  swells  you  never  saw,"  added  the 
Comedienne. 

"They  make  a  New  York  first  night  audi- 
ence look  like  tuppence  ha'penny,"  declared  Lit- 
tle Bobby. 

And  then  a  succession  of  duets,  trios,  quar- 
tettes and  choruses : 

"  The  stalls  are  full.     Hooray ! " 

"  The  gallery  is  jammed.  " 

"  Gee  !     Even  the  boxes  are  sold  I " 

"  But  not  occupied  this  early !  "  I  exclaimed, 
starting  incredulously  for  the  peep  hole. 

But  even  before  I  beheld  the  crowded  house 


Compliments  of  Lord  Dangerford    39 

waiting  impatiently  for  the  curtain  to  rise  I 
saw  that  which  stilled  all  my  fears. 

Daffy  and  the  Liar  were  scowling  at  each 
other  from  opposite  sides  of  the  stage.  They 
had  resumed  their  feud. 

When  I  turned  in  amazement  from  the  peep 
hole  I  found  the  American  Friend  at  my  side. 

"  Not  a  bad  house,"  said  he,  calmly. 

"  If  only  it  was  money,"  I  sighed. 

"  What  else  could  it  be  ? "  he  asked  in  evi- 
dent surprise. 

"  Paper, "  I  said ;  "  paper  to  save  appear- 
ances." 

"  Nonsense.  It's  pounds,  shillings  and  pence, 
with  the  accent  on  the  pounds,  my  dear." 

"  But  the  boxes  " — 

"  Oh,  Lord  Dangerford,  having  just  returned 
from  his  annual  quest  of  big  game  in  the  jun- 
gle, has  a  very  natural  zest  for  civilized  amuse- 
ments. As  for  the  Honorable  Mrs.  Pebble- 
stone " — 

"The  Honorable  Mrs.  Pebblestone  here?" 
I  exclaimed,  doubting  the  evidence  of  my  ears. 

"  Certainly.  Her  party  occupies  two  boxes. 
She  is  an  ardent  patron  of  the  stage,  you 
know.  That  accounts  for  her  early  arrival." 

I  had  not  dared  to  hope  for  this.     I  had  al- 


4O         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

ready  learned  of  the  powerful  influence  ex- 
erted by  this  lady  in  London  society,  and  had 
wondered  how  it  would  seem  if  a  miracle 
should  enable  me  to  appear  before  her. 

"  Of  course  it  will  be  a  little  late  before  all 
the  boxes  are  filled,"  continued  the  American 
Friend.  "  The  Duchess  of  Edgecombe  rarely 
reaches  the  theatre  before  nine  or  half  past, 
and  you  can't  count  on  Lady  Dunstable, 
Countess  Pipedreme  or  the  Earl  of  Dripping- 
eaves  much  before  that  hour. 

"  Do  you  mean  that  all  these  have  taken 
boxes  ?  "  I  demanded  in  astonishment. 

"Certainly.  Why  not?  It  isn't  everyday 
the  Casino  Girl  comes  to  London." 

I  ran  back  to  my  room  with  my  senses  all 
awhirl.  The  overture  was  ended.  A  burst  of 
applause  from  the  gallery  informed  me  that  the 
curtain  was  up.  I  seemed  to  hear  vaguely 
from  a  distance  the  first  lines  of  the  opening 
chorus : 

When  a  man  is  twenty-one 
Let  him  drink  hot  rum ; 
Let  him  drink  it  hot  and  cold — 
Hot  and  cold. 

Then  I  pulled  myself  together,  feeling  my 
cheeks  burn  at  the  sudden  recollection  that  I, 


1  Ze  lady  from  France,  she  walk  like  zis." — Page  41. 


Compliments  of  Lord  Dangerford    41 

an  independent  American  girl,  was  allowing 
my  head  to  be  turned  by  the  prospect  of  pres- 
ently attracting  the  notice  of  half  a  dozen  pairs 
of  aristocratic  eyes.  Soon  another  sentiment, 
even  more  powerful,  enlivened  all  my  facul- 
ties. I  could  hear  the  Artiste,  in  her  precise 
manner,  giving  the  exact  shade  of  meaning  to 
each  line,  singing : 

Ze  American  girl  she  walk  like  zis 

In  a  haughty  mannaire, 
Ze  lady  from  France  she  walk  like  zis 

In  a  nanghty  mannaire. 
Now  which  do  you  like  ze  best,  M'sieur? 
Now  which  do  you  like  to  see, 
Ze  'aughty  proud  American  girl 
Or  ze  lady  from  gay  Paree  ? 

I  left  my  room  and  stood  in  the  wings  while 
the  song  continued.  I  could  see  white  gloved 
hands  leveling  lorgnettes  upon  the  singer,  in 
the  boxes  opposite.  In  stalls,  pit  and  gallery 
there  were  characteristic  evidences  of  admir- 
ing attention.  It  was  plain  that  the  Artiste 
was  making  herself  popular.  I  had  been  told 
that  an  encore  was  proof  of  extraordinary  favor 
with  a  London  audience,  and  here  was  I  hav- 
ing that  record  made  for  me  to  beat  at  the  very 
start ! 


42         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

It  is  enough  for  me  to  say  that  the  Artiste's 
example  was  not  wasted  on  the  Salvation 
Lassie.  In  my  first  song  there  is  this  quatrain  : 

And  I  therefore  cannot  see, 

When  I  go  oat  to  preach, 
Why  men  must  say  to  me 

That  I'm  a  perfect  peach. 

Advised  by  the  management  I  emphasized 
slightly  the  word  "  peach,  "  and  not  without  a 
favorable  result,  as  the  sequel  will  show. 

The  curtain  had  hardly  fallen  on  the  first 
act  when  a  note  was  delivered  to  me  in  my 
dressing-room  which  read  as  follows : 

"  Lord  Dangerford  presents  his  compliments 
and  requests  Miss  Casino  to  reply  by  the  bearer 
defining  the  word,  *  Peach,'  as  used  in  her 
charming  song." 

My  reply  written  on  the  same  sheet  was  this : 

"  Miss  Casino  begs  to  inform  Lord  Danger- 
ford  that  the  word,  '  Peach,'  as  used  in  the 
song,  is  an  Americanism  signifying  that  the  ob- 
ject to  which  it  is  applied  is  entitled  to  the  su- 
perlative degree  of  respectful  admiration." 

The  second  act  was  no  less  successful  than 
the  first.  On  returning  to  my  dressing-room- 
at  its  close  I  found  two  notes  awaiting  me. 
The  first  ran  thus : 


Compliments  of  Lord  Dangerford    43 

"  Mr.  Squibs,  of  the  Gazette,  presents  his 
compliments  and  begs  that  Miss  Casino  will  ac- 
cept his  assurances  of  the  unanimous  and  cor- 
dial commendation  of  the  London  press." 

I  may  remark  here  that  Mr.  Squibs'  assur- 
ances proved  perfectly  trustworthy. 

The  other  note — which  contained  an  odd- 
shaped  bit  of  dull  metal  heavily  mounted  in 
gold  with  a  few  links  of  gold  chain  attached  to 
it — read  as  follows : 

"  Lord  Dangerford  begs  to  assure  Miss  Ca- 
sino that  he  considers  her  a  large  basket  of 
peaches,  and  requests  her  to  accept  as  a  souvenir 
of  this  occasion  the  bullet  with  which  he  shot 
and  killed  his  first  elephant." 


CHAPTER  IV 

I  VIEW  MY  NEW  POSSESSIONS 

SEATED  in  a  golden  chariot  drawn  by  four 
beautiful  pale  blue  horses  in  ecru  trappings,  I 
was  bowing  and  smiling  right  and  left  to  the 
cheering  multitude  while  approaching  the  pur- 
ple draped  dais  upon  which  stood  a  majestic 
figure  in  a  great  iron  grey  horsehair  wig  mak- 
ing obeisances  innumerable  in  my  direction  and 
extending  politely  the  handle  of  a  gigantic  iron 
key,  when  I  felt  myself  suddenly  seized  by 
some  rude  hand  while  a  shrill  voice  cried,  as  the 
multitude,  the  golden  chariot,  the  ecru-trapped 
blue  horses  and  the  gentleman  with  the  big 
iron  key  seemed  to  fade  away: 

"  Do  wake  up,  my  dear.  Wake  up.  Wake 
up!" 

It  was  the  Comedienne  with  an  armful  of 
newspapers  skaking  me  violently  by  the  shoul- 
der. 

"  There,  at  last !  My  dear,  you  left  a  call 
44 


I  View  My  New  Possessions        4^ 

for  ten  o'clock,  and  here  it  is  nearly  noon. 
What  is  the  matter  ?  Are  you  ill  ?  " 

"  No,  dear,  not  ill,"  I  replied,  drowsily ; 
"  only  dreaming." 

"  Well,  you  don't  need  to  dream  any  more," 
and  the  Comedienne  threw  down  the  newspa- 
pers on  the  foot  of  my  bed. 

"I  was  sitting  in  a  golden  chariot  sur- 
rounded by  the  cheering  populace  and  the  Lord 
Mayor  in  a  big  wig  was  just  about  to  present 
me  with  the  keys  of  London,  when" — 

"  Never  mind,  dear,"  interrupted  the  Come'- 
dienne,  as  she  complacently  marked  an  article 
in  one  of  the  papers  with  a  blue  pencil,  "  the 
keys  of  London,  figuratively  speaking,  have 
been  delivered  according  to  the  modern  custom 
while  the  person  thus  honored  was  still  sleep- 
ing. Here  they  are."  And  the  Comedienne 
buried  me  beneath  a  rustling  coverlet  of  com- 
plimentary press  notices.  "  How  could  you 
sleep  until  you  knew  what  the  critics  thought 
about  it?" 

"  Mr.  Squibs,  of  the  Gazette,  sent  me  a  note 
last  night  assuring  me  of  the  hearty  commen- 
dation of  the  entire  London  press." 

"  And  you  could  go  to  sleep  like  a  baby  on 
the  strength  of  that  ?  "  The  Comedienne  re- 


46         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

garded  me  with  admiring  eyes.  "  Your  faith  is 
something  most  gorgeous  and  beautiful  to  be- 
hold." 

"You  don't  mean,"  said  I  in  sudden  alarm, 
reaching  for  one  of  the  papers,  "that  Mr. 
Squibs  "— 

"No,"  laughed  the  Comedienne,  "I  don't 
mean  that  Mr.  Squibs'  judgment  was  warped 
by  the  spell  cast  over  him  by  the  Casino  Girl. 
He  is  a  true  prophet.  The  notices  are  all  like 
the  one  you  have  in  your  hand — nearly  a  col- 
umn each  in  which  they  declare  unanimously 
that  London  is  yours." 

I  turned  my  attention  to  the  coffee  and  rolls 
which  arrived  at  this  juncture,  remarking,  after 
a  moment,  to  the  Comedienne,  who  was  still 
making  ecstatic  blue  pencil  commentaries  : 

"  My  dear,  I've  a  notion  to  go  out  and  view 
my  new  possessions." 

"Splendid  idea.  May  I  go  with  you?  Shall 
I  call  a  brougham  ?  " 

"No,  not  a  brougham.  I  shall  view  the 
West  End  at  another  time,  under  auspices  as 
flattering  as  they  are  appropriate.  In  fact 
Lord  Dangerford  " — 

"What!  Already?"  said  the  Comedienne. 
"  When  I  left  the  theatre  last  night  there 


I  View  My  New  Possessions       47 

wasn't  a  single  Johnny  at  the  stage  door — not 
that  it  makes  any  difference  to  me,"  she  added, 
hastily,  "but  since  you  mention  his  Lord- 
ship,"— 

"  When  you  have  looked  about  you  a  little 
more,"  I  said,  composedly,  "  you  will  learn  that 
the  nobility  enjoy  certain  privileges  which  ordi- 
nary members  of  the  aristocracy  do  not.  Stage 
door  civilities,  for  example,  while  including 
such  diversions  as  excursions  by  private  launch 
up  the  Thames,  coaching  parties  to  Richmond 
and  Hampton  Court,  besides  more  Bohemian 
recreations  which  I  prefer  not  to  discuss — stage 
door  civilities,  I  repeat,  may  have  an  aristocratic 
origin  which  members  of  the  chorus  " — 

"  If  you've  been  reading  Baedeker  of  course 
I've  nothing  more  to  say,"  broke  in  the  Come- 
dienne, in  the  jerky  manner  customary  with 
her  when  she  is  not  wholly  pleased  with  the 
outlook. 

"I  was  about  to  refer,"  I  resumed,  calmly, 
"  to  certain  correspondence  between  my  dress- 
ing-room and  one  of  the  boxes  after  the  first 
act  last  night," — 

"It's  against  the  rules  of  the  management," 
snapped  the  Comedienne. 

"  My  dear,  you  are  yet  to  learn  that  in  Lon- 


48         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

don  managers  of  theatres  make  rules  for  the 
benefit  of  the  chorus.  With  respect  to  the — er 
• — I  may  say  the  prima  donna,  and  members  of 
the  nobility,  all  rules,  as  well  as  all  bets,  are 
off.  I  shall  not  attempt  to  conceal  from  you, 
dear,  that  the  correspondence  of  which  I  spoke 
was  with  Lord  Dangerford.  You  will  find  a 
specimen  of  it  on  my  dressing  table,  I  think — 
there,  to  the  right,  the  extremely  bad  hand 
writing,  under  the  gold  mounted  bullet  with 
which  his  Lordship  killed  his  first  elephant. 
Oh,  certainly,  read  it,  if  you  like." 

There  is  a  certain  class  of  girls  who  go  upon 
the  stage,  girls  of  extraordinary  animal  spirits 
and  ambition,  with  whom  one  has  to  be  a  little 
high-handed  occasionally.  Otherwise  the  world 
would  be  full  of  prima  donnas  and  business  at 
a  standstill  for  lack  of  choruses.  I  am  sorry  to 
say  that  the  Comedienne,  otherwise  a  most 
charming  companion,  belongs  to  this  class.  Of 
course,  strictly  speaking,  she  is  one  of  the  prin- 
cipals of  the  company ;  but  after  all  there  are 
really  only  two  general  classifications,  and  I 
have  always  felt  it  my  duty  to  the  management 
to  curb  any  tendency  toward  forge tfulness  of 
this  fact. 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  Comedienne,  making 


I  View  My  New  Possessions        49 

an  effort  not  to  appear  sulky,  "  then  I'll  call  a 
hansom." 

"Don't  trouble  yourself,  dear,"  I  replied 
amiably ;  "  I'm  not  going  to  St.  John's  Wood, 
to-day.  I  shall  probably  take  a  house  there 
presently,  but  to-day  I  shall  view  my  new  pos- 
sessions, the  City  of  London,  appropriately,  in 
a  'bus,  wearing  my  oldest  boots,  my  white  cot- 
ton stockings  and  my  most  dilapidated  hat.  I 
hope  I'm  patriotic  and  all  that,  but  I  hate  to  be 
pointed  at  wherever  I  go  as  an  American  just 
arrived.  My  dear,  you  are  altogether  too 
neatly  and  becomingly  dressed  ever  to  be  in  the 
swim  in  London." 

"  If  it  is  necessary  to  be  a  dowdy  to  be  in  the 
swim  in  London,  then  I  prefer  to  stand  on  my 
record  as  an  American,"  said  the  Comedienne, 
defiantly.  "  I  shan't  change  a  thing." 

It  was  a  charming  morning  when  I  raised  the 
blind  and  looked  out.  It  hadn't  rained  for  fif- 
teen minutes,  and  there  were  indications  that 
another  half  hour  would  elapse  before  the 
natives  would  begin  to  shudder  over  prospects 
of  a  dry  season.  So  we  lost  no  time  in  setting 
out.  We  walked  up  the  Strand  to  Trafalgar 
Square  for  a  starting  point.  This  and  St. 
Paul's  are  the  only  two  localities  in  London 


50         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

from  which  I  have  ever  made  a  successful  start 
for  anywhere  else.  We  were  speedily  discov- 
ered, and  no  less  promptly  classified  as  to  na- 
tionality in  spite  of  my  white  cotton  stockings, 
by  a  policeman  who  had  not  yet  been  lured  by 
the  fickle  sun  to  remove  his  waterproof  cape. 
He  held  up  an  inquiring  forefinger.  Whereat 
we  made  a  frantic  scramble  through  the  billows 
of  vehicles  of  all  kinds  toward  the  little  island 
with  its  lamp-post  citadel  where  the  officer  was 
intrenched.  I  told  him  that  we  wished  to  enter 
the  City  by  way  of  the  Strand,  whereupon  he 
pointed  out  a  'bus  with  plenty  of  room  on  its 
upper  deck.  Then  he  held  up  that  potent  fore- 
finger again,  and  the  traffic  stopped  instantly 
while  the  Comedienne  and  I  passed  on  in  safety 
to  the  'bus,  whose  driver  seemed  to  understand 
through  some  occult  means  of  communication 
with  the  policeman  that  we  were  fragile  and  to 
be  handled  with  care. 

To  me  there  is  something  peculiarly  fascinat- 
ing about  the  top  of  a  London  'bus.  This  lofty 
perch  affords  a  splendid  view  of  the  street  and 
the  shops.  There  is  an  exhilarating  spice  of 
danger  as  the  horses  start  off  on  their  astonish- 
ingly swift  trot  considering  the  crowded  condi- 
tion of  the  thoroughfare ;  but  the  street  is  so 


I  View  My  New  Possessions        51 

well  paved  and  the  swaying  of  the  top-heavy 
vehicle  so  gentle  that  one's  confidence  is  soon 
won;  so  that,  if  the  weather  is  fine,  the  ride  is 
more  enjoyable  than  any  offered  by  any  other 
public  conveyance  that  I  know  of.  Even  in 
case  of  rain  the  waterproof  lap  robes  with 
which  the  seats  are  provided  make  an  umbrella 
the  only  other  protection  necessary.  I've  made 
a  note  of  these  lap  robes  for  presentation  to 
certain  persons  in  America  who  pretend  to  look 
after  the  convenience  of  their  traveling  public. 
My  first  experience  of  them  filled  me  with  ad- 
miration for  a  nation  which  compels  wealthy 
corporations  to  consider  the  comfort  of  even  its 
humblest  patrons. 

"Look,  look!"  said  the  Comedienne,  sud- 
denly, when  we  had  climbed  the  slender  spiral 
stairway  to  our  seat  on  top  of  the  'bus.  "  Sairy 
Gamp,  as  I'm  alive  !  " 

Though  the  horses  had  not  yet  started,  the 
vehicle  had  begun  to  toss  like  a  ship  in  a 
storm.  I  glanced  back  and  saw  an  enormously 
fat  old  woman  stuck  fast  between  the  rails  of 
the  stair.  Her  efforts  to  extricate  herself 
threatened  to  overturn  the  'bus. 

"  You're  too  'eavy,  mum,"  said  the  conductor, 
politely ;  "  hinside's  safer,  mum." 


52         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"Stoopid  !  "  said  the  fat  lady,  violently,  and 
poked  the  conductor  revengefully  with  her 
umbrella. 

Upon  this  the  polite  conductor  proceeded  to 
boost  the  gigantic  and  tremulous  bulk  up  the 
stair,  while  a  butcher's  boy  on  his  tricycle  de- 
livery cart  stopped  to  enjoy  the  spectacle. 

"  Hi,  conductor,"  yelled  the  boy,  "  w'y  don't 
yer  carve  off  'er  corners  a  bit?  " 

A  crowd  began  to  gather  and  make  similar 
comments,  to  all  of  which  the  fat  lady  turned  a 
deaf  ear.  Presently,  after  much  puffing  on  the 
part  of  the  conductor,  and  an  infinite  number 
of  grunts  from  the  old  woman,  while  it  ap- 
peared that  only  a  miracle  could  keep  the  'bus 
level  on  its  wheels,  the  impossible  was  achieved. 
Secure  in  her  seat,  which  she  overflowed  into 
the  aisle,  the  fat  lady  gasped  several  times, 
coughed  asthmatically,  glared  at  the  conductor 
and  said : 

"  Elephant." 

"  Werry  appropriate,"  yelled  the  butcher's 
boy. 

Even  the  polite  conductor  smiled  discreetly 
behind  his  hand. 

"Elephant,  stoopid,"  repeated  the  fat  lady, 
with  another  glare  at  the  conductor. 


I  View  My  New  Possessions        53 

It  was  irresistibly  funny.  The  Comedienne 
was  convulsed.  The  tears  ran  down  my 
cheeks.  The  butcher's  boy  got  off  his  seat  and 
danced  a  joyful  jig  on  the  sidewalk. 

"Elephant  and  Castle,  dark  green  'bus, 
mum,"  said  the  conductor. 

"  Stoopid ! "  said  the  old  woman,  her  face 
growing  crimson,  as  she  extricated  herself  from 
her  seat  and  lurched  down  the  narrow  stair, 
while  the  'bus  seemed  in  imminent  danger  of 
turning  a  backward  summersault. 

As  we  finally  started  down  the  Strand  the 
fat  lady  was  taking  satisfaction  out  of  the  un- 
wary butcher's  boy  with  her  umbrella. 

The  recollection  of  this  little  incident  re- 
minds me  that  it  is  the  stranger  in  London's 
own  fault  if  she  ever  suffers  from  the  blues. 
The  streets  of  the  City  present  a  never-ceasing 
spectacle  of  laughter-inspiring  sights  and 
sounds.  These  dear  old  Britons  are  so  funny, 
and  all  the  funnier  because  they  are  so  solemnly 
unconscious  of  the  fact.  They  say  that 
Dickens  would  not  know  the  London  of  to-day. 
Yet  not  five  minutes  after  our  encounter  with 
Sairy  Gamp,  before  we  had  reached  the  site  of 
Temple  Bar  and  the  entrance  to  the  City 
proper,  we  saw  the  Artful  Dodger  absorbed  in 


54         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

the  glittering  display  of  a  jeweler's  window, 
and  wondered  if  he  had  developed  from  his 
passion  for  "  wipes  "  into  an  unholy  desire  for 
diamonds  and  gold  chains.  He  was  in  all  his 
details  the  same  old  Dodger — trousers  much 
too  long  for  him,  coat  sleeves  turned  up  at  the 
wrists  and  its  tails  dragging  at  his  heels.  Even 
while  we  gazed  on  him  from  the  top  of  the 
'bus  the  suspicious  shopkeeper  came  to  the 
door  and  waved  him  sternly  away. 

And,  oh,  the  tyranny  of  the  top  hat !  How 
that  emblem  of  gentle  leisure  in  America  is 
abused  in  England !  Fancy  a  baggy-kneed, 
manifestly  poverty-stricken  lawyer's  clerk 
knocking  about  the  courts  in  New  York  al- 
ways, rain  or  shine,  in  a  frowsy  silk  hat  and  a 
shiny  frock  coat.  The  London  streets  are  full 
of  just  such  spectacles.  And  such  shabby 
coats  and  trousers,  such  abominably  dilapidated, 
fuzzy  old  hats !  It  seems  the  height  of  ab- 
surdity that  in  a  city  where  smart  showers  fall 
almost  daily — when  there  is  not  a  steady  driz- 
zle— the  shiny  beaver,  whose  polished  surface 
is  susceptible  to  the  slightest  moisture,,  should 
be  put  to  such  a  common  use.  In  Piccadilly 
you  may  see  a  Duke  in  a  hat  which  would  be 
scorned  by  a  New  York  mechanic  going  out  for 


I  View  My  New  Possessions        55 

a  walk  in  the  park  on  Sunday  afternoon.  Yet, 
no  matter  how  bad  the  hat,  how  shocking  the 
trousers,  or  how  disreputable  the  coat — even  if 
the  coat  be  only  a  sack — their  wearer  is  prop- 
erly attired  to  meet  gentlemen  in  their  offices 
or  at  their  clubs  on  a  footing  of  equality.  Thus 
attired  he  will  receive  the  beautiful,  smiling 
courtesy  so  characteristic  of  all  Englishmen  in 
their  dealings  with  their  equals.  But  let  him 
deny  the  authority  of  the  top  hat  at  his  peril ! 

It  seemed  strange  as  we  rumbled  down  the 
Strand  that  all  these  centuries  of  traffic,  and 
this  sea  of  shocking  bad  top  hats  beating 
against  the  walls  of  St.  Mary's  had  not  swept 
her  from  her  foundation.  There  she  stood  like 
the  ice  buttress  of  the  centre  pier  of  a  Missis- 
sippi river  bridge  dividing  the  torrent  into  two 
streams,  the  smaller  flowing  through  Holywell 
Street  on  the  North,  to  be  reunited  at  the 
Eastern  end  of  this  ecclesiastical  island  in 
Fleet  Street.  Here  Dr.  Johnson  used  to  bow 
his  obstinate  old  head  on  Sundays.  Perhaps 
that  is  the  reason  why  the  surf  of  traffic  and 
top  hats  continues  to  respect  the  sacred  obstruc- 
tion of  the  busiest  thoroughfare  in  the  world. 

On  past  the  Temple,  catching  a  glimpse 
through  an  arched  way  of  the  Temple  Gardens 


56         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

where  the  white  and  the  red  roses  were  plucked 
for  badges  of  loyalty  to  the  royal  houses  of 
Lancaster  and  of  York,  whose  rival  wearers 
later  mingled  their  blood  on  the  fields  of  the 
Wars  of  the  Roses ;  past  the  stone  Griffin 
which  guards  the  site  of  old  Temple  Bar  and 
the  entrance  to  the  ancient  City  of  London, 
domain  of  the  Lord  Mayor  and  the  Guilds  to 
this  day ;  down  Ludgate  Hill  to  St.  Paul's ; 
past  St.  Paul's  Churchyard,  so  calm  and  rest- 
ful there  in  the  very  heart  of  the  world's  com- 
merce, a  green  and  soothing  sanctuary  ;  through 
Cannon  and  West  Cannon  Streets,  North  by 
King  William  Street  into  Lombard,  and  down 
the  narrow  spiral  stair  to  the  pavement  in  front 
of  the  Bank  of  England,  with  the  Mansion 
House  across  the  way. 

"Behold,"  said  I,  "the  seat   of  government 
of  my  new  possessions." 


CHAPTER  V 

ON  THE  PRIME  IMPORTANCE   OF   "KICKING" 

"  ALL  very  fine  and  snug  and  comfortable," 
said  the  Comedienne.  "And  I  suppose  that 
here  in  this  solid  and  highly  respectable  insti- 
tution is  where  you  keep  your  surplus  funds?  " 

"If  you  hadn't  disturbed  my  lovely  dream 
this  morning,"  I  replied,  "  by  this  time  I  would 
doubtless  have  moved  into  the  Mansion  House 
arid  had  my  hands  in  the  cash  drawer  of  the 
Bank  of  England.  It  is  your  own  fault  that 
we  are  not  dividing  the  spoils  at  the  present 
moment." 

"  My  goodness,  look  what  a  stream  of  'buses. 
What  street  can  that  be,  dear?"  The  Corne'- 
dienne  indicated  the  thoroughfare  leading  to- 
ward the  descending  sun. 

"  That  is  Cheapside.  A  little  farther  on  it 
becomes  Newgate  Street,  then  Holborn  and 
High  Holborn,  and  New  Oxford  and  Oxford 
Street,  where  it  enters  Hyde  Park.  It  is  the 
great  plebeian  highway  from  the  West  End  to 
67 


58         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

the  East  Side.  Therefore  the  double  lines  of 
'buses. 

"  That's  Baedeker  again.  I  thought  I  recog- 
nized the  style.  But,  speaking  of  Cheapside, 
that  reminds  me.  There  are  costermongers  in 
Cheapside.  My  dear,  do  let's  walk  up  that 
way.  I  yearn  to  behold  a  genuine  coster  on 
his  native  heath.  I  don't  believe  in  the  stage 
variety.  They  say  their  profanity  is  something 
unique  and  horrible.  I  have  a  depraved  desire 
to  hear  some  original  swearing.  Perhaps  we 
can  manage  to  have  one  run  over  by  a  'bus." 

So  we  strolled  up  Cheapside  keeping  a  sharp 
lookout  for  profane  costermongers. 

Meanwhile  a  fortunate  chance  threw  in  our 
way  an  exceptionally  fine  illustration  of  the 
fundamental  principle  underlying  John  Bull's 
moral  structure,  which  causes  him  to  be  what 
he  is — the  most  uniformly  successful  and  pro- 
gressive member  of  the  family  of  nations,  Un- 
cle Sam  alone  excepted. 

The  Comedienne  and  I  had  stopped  in  front 
of  a  chop  house  to  gaze  with  watering  lips  at 
some  meat  pies — great  fat  fellows  with  rich 
brown  crusts — just  taken  from  the  oven; 
another  British  institution  which  I  respect  and 
cherish  with  all  my  heart.  There  was  an  open 


Prime  Importance  of  "Kicking"     59 

coal  hole  in  front  of  the  shop ;  but  as  such 
things  are  not  so  rare  in  New  York  as  to  oc- 
casion comment,  I  merely  glanced  into  its  dark 
depths  and  passed  on  to  the  window  and  the 
meat  pies.  As  we  stepped  up  to  the  window 
I  saw  the  reflection  of  a  stubby,  pompous, 
choleric-appearing  Briton  in  a  white  waistcoat, 
a  sack  coat  and  a  high  hat,  approaching  from 
the  opposite  direction.  Presently  I  saw  the 
reflection  stop  on  the  brink  of  the  coal  hole, 
and  heard  it  making  indistinct  objurgations. 
I  turned  and  saw  him  walking  about  the  hole 
and  poking  his  gold-mounted  stick  into  it. 
Every  instant  he  seemed  to  be  getting  redder 
in  the  face,  and  after  a  moment  I  heard  him 
exclaiming,  as  though  to  himself: 

"  An  outrage !  An  imposition  on  the  public. 
I'll  have  it  stopped.  Dam'me,  I'll  have  the 
impudent  fellow  up  for  it !  " 

Whereupon  the  old  fellow  ran  to  the  door 
of  the  shop,  pounded  on  it  loudly  with  his 
stick,  calling  out  in  a  loud  voice  : 

"  Shopkeeper  !  I  say,  shopkeeper!  Dam'me, 
I  say  shopkeeper  !  Come  out  here  this  instant, 
sir !  " 

The  proprietor  came  to  the  door,  rubbing  his 
hands,  but  looking  worried. 


60         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"Yes,  sir.  Certainly,  sir.  What  can  I  do 
for  you  to-day,  sir  ?  " 

"  Dam'me,  sir,  you  can  answer  a  civil  ques- 
tion. Do  you  see  that  coal  hole  ?  I  say,  shop- 
keeper, do  you  see  that  coal  hole  ?  That  yawn- 
ing, open  coal  hole  ?  Do  you  see  it  ?  Do  you 
see  it?  Do  you  see  it  ?  Dam'me,  I  say,  do  you 
see  the  coal  hole  ?  " 

The  shopkeeper  turned  pale.  "Has  any- 
body "— 

"  Has  anybody  fallen  in  ?  "  repeated  the  old 
gentleman  with  a  withering  glance  at  the  trem- 
bling proprietor.  "Dam'me,  a  nice  question 
for  a  decent,  law-abiding  shopkeeper  to  ask." 
Then,  addressing  two  other  gentlemen  and  a 
small  boy  who  had  stopped  before  the  open  coal 
hole  with  varying  degrees  of  indignation  ex- 
pressed on  their  features :  "  He  keeps  open  coal 
holes  in  front  of  his  shop,  dam'me,  and  has  the 
presumption,  the  sublime  insolence,  to  inquire 
whether  anybody  has  fallen  in ! " 

"  Hi !  Orficer !  "  yelled  the  small  boy  to  a 
policeman  passing  on  the  other  side  of  the 
street.  The  policeman  sauntered  across  to  the 
scene  of  the  disaster,  followed  by  half  a  score 
of  plain  citizens  from  different  directions. 
"  Orficer !  I  say,  Orficer !  " 


Prime  Importance  of  "Kicking"     61 

"Move  on,"  said  the  policeman. 

"  Orficer,"  explained  the  small  boy,  with  hor- 
ror painted  on  his  soiled  countenance,  "a  man 
has  fallen  into  the  open  coal  hole  !  " 

From  an  elderly  gentleman  with  a  wart  on 
his  chin :  "  A  woman  has  fallen  into  the  open 
coal  hole ! " 

From  a  youth  with  budding  chin  whiskers: 
"  A  boy  has  fallen  into  the  open  coal  hole  !  " 

From  a  rival  shopkeeper  next  door,  looking 
at  the  quaking  offender  as  much  as  to  say,  "I 
always  suspected  it  of  him  " :  "A  mother  and 
'er  young  hinfant  have  fallen  into  the  open  coal 
hole ! " 

The  policeman  went  on  hearing  further  re- 
ports of  the  disaster  until  it  became  a  wonder 
that  any  coal  hole  could  possibly  be  deep  enough 
to  swallow  up  so  large  a  proportion  of  the  pop- 
ulation. 

"  'E  orter  be  chucked  inter  'is  own  coal  hole," 
said  a  cabman,  strolling  up  with  his  whip  in  his 
hand. 

"  Oh,  gentleman,  I  do  assure  you,"  said  the 
shopkeeper,  "it  was  entirely  unintentional, 
quite,  I  do  assure  you.  The  coal  hole  was 
broken — I  mean  the  lid  of  the  coal  hole,  and  " — 

"  He  is  actually  trying  to  excuse  his  crime, 


62         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

dam'me,"  said  the  choleric  gentleman  in  the 
white  waistcoat,  with  slow  emphasis.  "  Dam'me, 
he  actually  has  the  impudence  to  make  ex- 
cuses !  " 

"  'Ave  'im  up  for  it !  Chuck  him  in ! "  cried 
several  voices. 

"  Move  on,"  said  the  policeman,  "  all  except 
the  gent  w'ot  saw  the  accident." 

"  There  was  no  accident,"  said  the  gentleman 
in  the  white  waistcoat,  with  a  glare  at  the 
shopkeeper,  as  though  the  fact  that  nobody  had 
fallen  into  the  coal  hole  was  the  climax  of  the 
outrage  heaped  on  the  public. 

"Nobody  has  fallen  into  the  coal  hole,"  said 
several  voices  in  a  chorus,  while  the  black  looks 
that  accompanied  the  voices  seemed  to  indicate 
that  the  crowd  would  take  great  pleasure  in 
tearing  the  miserable  shopkeeper  limb  from 
limb. 

"  But,"  said  the  choleric  gentleman,  becoming 
purple  in  the .  face  with  indignation,  "  but  I 
MIGHT  have  fallen  into  the  coal  hole,  dam'me !  " 

Now  the  full  enormity  of  the  shopkeeper's 
crime  appeared  to  dawn  upon  the  crowd. 

"  The  gentleman  MIGHT  have  fallen  into  the 
coal  hole.  Send  the  willain  up  for  it,"  yelled 
the  small  boy. 


Prime  Importance  of  "Kicking"     63 

"  The  gent  MIGHT  have  fallen  into  the  coal 
hole,"  said  the  cabman,  indignantly. 

"  Yes,  Officer,"  said  the  youth  with  budding 
chin  whiskers,  eagerly,  "  the  gentleman  MIGHT 
have  fallen  into  the  coal  hole." 

"Shopkeeper,"  said  the  policeman,  sternly, 
"  this  gent  MIGHT  ha'  fallen  into  the  coal  hole ! " 

I  began  to  tremble  for  the  poor  shopkeeper. 
Fortunately  at  this  juncture  a  man  with  soot  on 
his  face  came  up  with  the  lid  of  the  coal  hole, 
carefully  mended,  which  he  put  in  place.  In- 
stantly the  crowd  moved  on  as  though  nothing 
unusual  had  happened.  The  relieved  shop- 
keeper returned  to  his  duties,  and  the  old  gen- 
tleman in  the  white  waistcoat,  now  most  amia- 
ble and  contented  of  aspect,  glanced  in  our 
direction  with  a  smile  of  satisfaction. 

"  Well,  this  beats  anything  I  ever  heard  of," 
said  the  Comedienne,  who  had  nearly  burst  with 
laughter  at  the  absurdity  of  the  scene.  "  Just 
you  wait  a  bit ;  I'm  going  to  have  it  out  with 
that  old  gentleman." 

He  seemed  to  know  what  was  in  our  minds, 
for  he  came  up  to  the  window,  hat  in  hand,  and 
said: 

"  You  are  strangers,  Americans,  I  see.  Can  I 
be  of  any  service  to  you  ?  " 


64         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  Yes,  thank  you,"  said  the  Comedienne,  as  I 
thought  ruefully  of  the  futility  of  my  white 
cotton  stockings.  "  You  can  tell  us,  if  you  will, 
why  so  many  busy  people  will  waste  so  much 
time  over  a  coal  hole  which  has  been  left  open 
for  five  minutes.  I  should  judge  that  your  own 
time,  now  " — 

"  My  own  time,  madam — if  you  will  pardon 
the  interruption — is  worth  a  pound  a  minute — 
yes,  a  guinea  a  minute." 

"  Then  you  are  quite  ten  guineas  out  of 
pocket  through  this  small  affair  of  a  coal  hole 
— not  to  speak  of  the  valuable  time  you  are 
squandering  on  a  couple  of  inquisitive  Ameri- 
cans. But  since  you  are  so  reckless  with  your 
money  won't  you  please  interpret  the  parable  of 
the  coal  hole  for  us?  " 

This  speech  seemed  to  please  and  amuse  the 
old  gentleman  not  a  little.  He  smiled  at  us 
through  his  spectacles  and  asked : 

"  Did  you  ever  hear  the  story  of  the  Devon- 
shire Frogs  and  the  Can  of  Milk  ?  " 

"No,"  replied  the  Comedienne;  "but  it 
sounds  interesting — so  far." 

"  It  has  the  additional  merit  of  being  short ; 
so  I  will  tell  it. 

"  Once  upon  a  time  two  Frogs  lived  in  a 


Prime  Importance  of  "Kicking"     65 

spring  which  overflowed  in  a  stream  that  ran 
under  arches  in  the  foundations  of  a  Devonshire 
dairy-house.  One  of  the  Frogs  was  old,  fat  and 
indolent ;  the  other  was  young,  energetic  and 
very  inquisitive. 

"  One  night  while  the  Dairy -man  was  sleep- 
ing the  two  Frogs  hopped  under  one  of  the 
stone  arches  and  found  themselves  in  the  dairy- 
house.  Some  narrow-mouthed  milk  cans  were 
cooling  in  the  shallow  stream.  The  inquisitive 
Young  Frog  wondered  what  they  were.  The 
Old  Frog  advised  him  not  to  be  too  curious.  But 
the  inquiring  mind  of  the  Young  Frog  was  filled 
with  a  yearning  for  wisdom  that  would  not  be 
denied.  So,  finding  a  can  that  lay  partly  on  its 
side,  he  jumped  in  through  its  narrow  mouth. 

"  After  a  moment  of  silence  the  curiosity  of 
the  Old  Frog,  too,  became  excited,  and  he  hopped 
up  to  the  mouth  of  the  can. 

" '  What  are  you  doing  in  there?  '  he  croaked 
to  his  young  companion. 

44  4  Enjoying  myself,'  croaked  back  the  Young 
Frog.  '  Hop  in.  It's  nice  and  dry  in  here — 
just  the  place  for  your  rheumatism.' 

44  Hearing  this  the  Old  Frog  gave  a  mighty 
hop  and  landed  on  top  of  the  Young  Frog  at  the 
bottom  of  the  can. 


66         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  But  while  the  two  Frogs  were  taking  a  com- 
fortable nap  in  the  bottom  of  the  can  the  in- 
dustrious Dairy-man  entered  with  the  dawn  and 
began  filling  the  cans  with  milk.  Soon  the  in- 
quisitive Frogs  were  awakened  by  a  drenching 
shower  of  some  unfamiliar  liquid  which  fell 
upon  them,  half  filling  the  can. 

" '  Oh,  I  don't  like  this,'  croaked  the  Young 
Frog.  '  I  don't  like  the  taste  of  it.  I'm  going 
to  leave.' 

" '  It's  milk,'  croaked  the  Old  Frog.  *  I  fell 
into  some  once  before.  It  ain't  good  for  a 
Frog's  health.' 

"  And  the  two  Frogs  began  swimming  about 
in  the  can  and  trying  to  climb  up  its  smooth 
sides.  After  a  little  they  felt  the  can  being 
lifted  up,  and  then  set  down  hard.  And  pres- 
ently there  was  steady  jolting  that  made  it  still 
more  impossible  for  them  to  climb  up  the  sides 
of  the  can. 

"  *  Oh,  I  can't  stand  this,'  said  the  Young 
Frog,  splashing  about  angrily  with  his  awkward 
forelegs,  and  kicking  out  spitefully  with  his 
hind  ones.  '  It's  an  outrage  on  the  entire  Frog 
family.' 

"  *  This  milk  is  unhealthy,'  said  the  Old  Frog, 
coming  to  the  surface  for  a  breath  of  air.  '  But 


Prime  Importance  of  "Kicking"     67 

we  will  come  to  the  market  after  a  while,  and 
when  they  empty  the  milk  we  will  make  our 
escape.'  And  he  sank  back  resignedly  to  the 
bottom  of  the  can. 

"  But  the  indignant  Young  Frog  kept  splash- 
ing and  kicking  about  and  trying  to  climb  out. 
It  was  impossible  for  him  to  make  an  inch  of 
headway,  but  he  kept  on  trying,  continually 
saying  angrily,  as  he  splashed  and  kicked : 

" '  Oh,  I  can't  stand  this.  I  won't  stand  it. 
It's  an  outrage.  It  must  be  looked  into.  The 
guilty  parties  shall  not  escape.  They  shall 
suffer  dearly  for  it ! ' 

"  And  thus  the  Young  Frog  went  on  kicking 
and  splashing  and  expostulating  angrily  until 
the  Dairy-man  reached  the  market. 

"When  the  Dairy-man  looked  into  the  can 
where  the  Frogs  were  he  uttered  an  exclamation 
of  astonishment,  upon  which  several  persons 
who  were  standing  near  came  and  looked  into 
the  can  also.  And  this  is  what  they  saw : 

"  The  indolent,  fat  Old  Frog,  all  puffed  up, 
and  ghastly,  lay  on  his  back,  stone  dead ;  but 
the  energetic  Young  Frog,  in  perfect  health  and 
spirits,  sat  comfortably  on  a  little  floating  island 
of  butter  which  his  constant  splashing  and 
kicking  had  churned." 


68         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"Thank  you,  sir,"  said  the  Comedienne, 
hastily;  "you  needn't  mind  about  the  moral. 
I  understand  perfectly,  now.  It  is  their  appre- 
ciation of  the  prime  importance  of  kicking  that 
has  made  Englishmen  what  they  are." 

The  old  gentleman,  beaming  amiably  through 
his  spectacles,  waved  us  a  pleasant  farewell, 
and  we  resumed  our  stroll  up  Cheapside. 

"  Now  if  we  can  only  find  a  real  profane 
costermonger,"  said  the  Comedienne,  "I,  for 
my  part,  shall  begin  to  consider  myself  an 
authority  on  the  Peculiarities  of  the  English- 
man at  Home.  Aren't  they  funny,  dear." 

Now  Leadenhall  Market  is  not  far  from  the 
beginning  of  Cheapside,  though  we  were  then 
unaware  of  the  fact.  But  it  was  a  fact  that 
enabled  our  special  ambition  to  be  readily  real- 
ized. We  had  not  proceeded  far  from  the 
scene  of  the  coal  hole  incident  when,  from  one 
of  the  narrow  side  streets  there  emerged  a 
small,  two-wheeled  cart  surmounted  by  a  very 
large,  round-faced  man,  about  whom  were 
heaped  a  choice  assortment  of  vegetables.  We 
instantly  recognized  the  man's  "make-up." 
The  Comedienne  clapped  her  hands,  crying: 

"  There  he  is !  I  take  back  all  I  said  about 
the  stage  coster.  I  apologize  to  Dan  Leno  and 


Prime  Importance  of  "Kicking"     69 

Chevalier.  But,  bless  my  soul,  are  the  London 
costers  so  progressive  as  to  have  electric  carts?" 

The  cart  with  its  load  was  moving  rapidly 
along,  darting  this  way  and  that  to  avoid  colli- 
sion with  'buses,  without  any  apparent  means 
of  locomotion.  To  increase  the  mystery  the 
round-faced  man  was  vigorously  poking  down 
at  something  in  front  of  the  cart,  which  he  was 
apostrophizing  after  this  fashion : 

"  Now  then,  Jumbo  !  Hi  s'y,  Jumbo  !  Wot 
are  yer  a-thinkin'  of?  Take  a  wheel  hoff  the 
bloomink  'bus,  would  yer  ?  Blast  yer  bleedin' 
hears!  Oh,  Hi  s'y,  yer  would,  would  yer? 
Move  on,  Jumbo.  This  ain't  no  bloomink  bank 
'oliday.  Oh,  wot  a  sassy  hass  it  is  I  Wot  a 
sassy,  disrespectful  hass,  an'  'e  'avin'  fresh  cow- 
cumbers  for  'is  supper  hevery  night !  Now  Hi 
s'y,  Jumbo ! " 

A  sudden  turn  of  the  cart  to  escape  a  'bus 
coming  from  the  opposite  direction  gave  us  a 
momentary  glimpse  of  "Jumbo  " — the  smallest 
donkey  I  ever  saw.  It  seemed  a  miracle  that 
he  could  move  the  heavily  loaded  cart.  The 
round-faced  man  could  have  picked  him  up  and 
carried  him  under  his  arm.  The  little  beast's 
dexterity  in  escaping  collisions  with  'buses 
was  marvelous. 


70         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"Hurry  up,  dear,"  said  the  Comedienne. 
"  He  can  never  get  past  the  next  corner.  Look 
at  the  crush  of  vehicles." 

So,  half  running,  we  followed  the  cart,  feel- 
ing that  the  opportunity  was  one  of  a  lifetime. 
And  we  were  not  disappointed — at  least  in  one 
part  of  the  programme.  In  trying  to  dodge 
between  a  'bus  and  a  cab  moving  rapidly  in 
different  directions  the  donkey  lost  his  grip  on 
the  smooth  pavement.  In  an  instant  the  air 
was  full  of  fresh  vegetables,  which  descended 
in  a  shower  upon  the  head  of  the  big  coster, 
seated  with  legs  wide  apart  in  the  middle  of  the 
street,  while  the  donkey,  unhurt,  though  the 
cart  was  wrecked,  lunched  composedly  off  a 
turnip. 

"Hush!"  whispered  the  Comedienne,  ex- 
citedly. "  It's  coming.  Don't  lose  a  word  !  " 

The  big  coster's  face  was  purple.  His  chest 
heaved.  He  clutched  at  his  throat,  opening 
and  closing  his  mouth  mechanically.  At  length 
he  choked  once  or  twice  and  said,  slowly  and 
distinctly : 

"Well !     They  ain't— not— no— words  I  " 

The  Comedienne  and  I  took  the  first  'bus 
back  to  our  hotel. 


CHAPTER  VI 

THE   GINGPOOR   OF   KERHOOT 

I  HAVE  been  advised  to  omit  all  reference  to 
the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot.  Certain  envious 
members  of  my  profession  being  under  suspicion 
of  having  circulated  the  current  grossly  exag- 
gerated and  malicious  reports  of  the  incident  in 
which  that  person  figured,  my  well-meaning 
advisors  argue  that  a  discreet  and  dignified 
silence  on  my  part  would  be  the  most  effective 
manner  of  disposing  of  the  matter.  But  I  can- 
not agree  with  them.  The  Gingpoor  of  Ker- 
hoot is  still  a  favorite  topic  for  discussion  at 
the  clubs  and  at  afternoon  teas  at  the  best 
houses.  He  is  only  discussed  in  connection 
with  the  occurrence  of  which  I  was  the  inno- 
cent victim.  That  occurrence  is  the  only  one 
which  can  be  construed  as  dimming  by  the 
smallest  possible  cloud  the  brilliancy  of  my 
social  success  in  London.  What,  then,  would 
be  the  logical  inference  if  I  should  describe  in 
detail  all  the  numerous  honors  heaped  upon  me 
and  pass  over  in  silence  the  Gingpoor  of  Ker- 

71 


72         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

hoot?  Would  not  the  publication  of  these 
memoirs,  thus  incomplete,  be  the  signal  for  a 
revival  of  that  calumny?  Who  could  I  expect 
to  accept  as  the  simple  truth  the  circumstantial 
accounts  of  my  meeting  with  the  Prince  of 
Wales ;  of  the  distinguished  attentions  of  Lord 
Dangerford ;  of  the  amiability  of  the  Duchess 
of  Edgecombe ;  of  the  highly  flattering  rivalry 
of  Countess  Pipedreme;  and  of  my  influence 
on  diplomatic  relations  between  the  two  coun- 
tries— as  openly  admitted  by  the  Marquis  of 
Silsbury — who,  I  repeat,  could  be  expected  to 
accept  in  the  proper  spirit  these  complimentary 
revelations  if  I  should  commit  the  error  of 
overlooking  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot?  No. 
Silence  might  be  dignified;  but,  clearly,  it 
would  not  be  wise. 

Strangely  enough,  I  am  indebted  to  one  of 
my  well-meaning  countrymen  for  this  solitary 
embarrassing  detail  of  my  career  in  the  British 
capital.  I  owe  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  to 
Mr.  Algernon  Cuff,  the  wealthy  Broadway 
haberdasher.  Mr.  Cuff  is  a  small,  pale  gentle- 
man with  thin  hair.  But  what  he  lacks  in  size, 
color,  and  natural  covering  for  his  scalp,  he 
more  than  makes  up  in  perseverance.  I  am 
compelled  reluctantly  to  admit  that  this  same 


The  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot          73 

quality  which  has  won  such  fame  for  his  neck- 
ties and  his  pajamas  Mr.  Cuff  has  applied  to  his 
ambitious  with  respect  to  the  writer  of  these 
memoirs.  There  may  have  been  a  time,  before 
my  art  had  secured  me  the  independence  I  now 
enjoy,  when  Mr.  Cuff  might  have — but  no 
matter.  Let  us  come  to  the  Gingpoor  of  Ker- 
hoot. 

One  night  after  the  performance  as  I  was 
changing  from  stage  to  street  costume,  Prue, 
my  maid,  brought  me  a  note.  I  at  once  recog- 
nized the  handwriting. 

"  Prue,"  I  said,  much  annoyed,  "  this  is  the 
sixth  note  Mr.  Cuff  has  sent  to  my  dressing- 
room  this  week." 

"The  seventh,"  said  Prue;  "he  sent  in  two 
during  the  matinee." 

"  Very  well,  Prue ;  from  Mr.  Cuff  that  is 
seven  too  many.  Tell  him  I  am  very  tired  and 
shall  go  directly  home,  according  to  my  unvary- 
ing custom." 

Prue  having  left  my  dressing-room  door  ajar 
my  annoyance  was  increased  by  the  discovery 
that  Mr.  Cuff  had  evidently  made  an  ally  of 
Jack,  our  stage  door  guardian.  He  was  on  the 
stage.  I  could  hear  his  high-pitched,  thin  voice 
arguing  with  Prue.  He  was  pushing  his  way 


y4         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

to  my  very  door.  Soon  he  was  addressing  me 
through  the  crack : 

"  Ah,  there,  Miss  Casino.     Peek-a-boo ! " 

"Really,  Mr.  Cuff,"  I  said,  "  this  is  "— 

"  The  opportunity  of  a  lifetime,"  broke  in 
the  haberdasher,  talking  rapidly.  "  I  am  here 
to  conduct  you  into  the  presence  of  His  Royal 
Highness  the  Giiigpoor  of  Kerhoot." 

"  The — who  ?  "  I  asked  in  astonishment,  put- 
ting on  my  hat  as  I  left  my  dressing-room. 

"  The  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot.  A  most  dis- 
tinguished honor,  I  assure  you." 

"And  who  may  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot 
happen  to  be,  Mr.  Cuff?  " 

The  haberdasher  smiled  upon  me  with  an  air 
of  superiority  as  he  replied : 

"  One  of  the  native  princes  of  India,  lately 
arrived  on  his  first  visit  to  London.  Fabu- 
lously wealthy  and  extremely  exclusive." 

"Extremely  exclusive,"  I  repeated,  looking 
Mr.  Cuff  calmly  in  the  eyes ;  "  will  you  be  good 
enough  to  inform  me  how  you  happen  to  be  so 
chummy  with  His  Royal  Highness?" 

"Well,  I — er — I" — began  the  haberdasher, 
flushing,  and  then  going  on  rapidly,  "  you  see  I 
had  the  good  fortune  to  render  the  Prince  a 
slight  service — recently." 


The  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot          75 

"  Where  am  I  invited  to  meet  the  Gingpoor 
of  Kerhoot,  Mr.  Cuff?" 

"  At  his  apartments  in  the  Tower  of  Babel." 

"The  Tower  of  Babel?"  I  repeated,  sur- 
prised. As  every  one  knows,  the  Tower  of 
Babel  is  probably  the  largest  and  most  cele- 
brated hotel  in  the  world.  But  it  did  not  seem 
to  me  an  appropriate  place  for  a  native  prince 
of  India  to  establish  himself  with  his  numerous 
retinue.  I  said  so  to  Mr.  Cuff,  who  seemed 
embarrassed  for  a  moment,  and  then  replied 
with  his  customary  glibness  : 

"  I  forgot  to  mention  that  the  Prince  is  trav- 
eling incog,  accompanied  by  only  two  or  three 
trusted  servants.  He  is  known  at  the  hotel 
simply  as  Mr.  Chunder,  of  Bombay." 

I  thought  a  moment,  and  then  said : 

"Surely,  Mr.  Cuff,  you  can't  expect  me  to 
accept  an  invitation  to  visit  the  Gingpoor  of 
Kerhoot  in  his  apartments  at  midnight  without 
knowing  what  sort  of  people  I  shall  meet  there  ?  " 

"Certainly  not,"  replied  the  haberdasher, 
easily.  "  Besides  several  artists  and  literary 
people,  there  will  be  present  Countess  Pipe- 
dreme,  Lord  Dangerford  " — 

"I  am  quite  satisfied,  Mr.  Cuff.  Of  course  I 
shall  go  chaperoned." 


76         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

At  this  remark  Mr.  Cuff's  face  seemed  to  be- 
come several  inches  longer. 

"  Certainly,  chaperones  are  often  indispensa- 
ble," he  said,  giving  me  a  tender  glance ;  "  but, 
in  view  of  our  long  acquaintance  I  hoped  " — 

"  Then  you  should  have  fixed  your  hopes  on 
a  different  object,  Mr.  Cuff,"  I  said,  giving  the 
little  man  a  glance  of  severity.  "  I  visit  the 
Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  accompanied  by  my  chap- 
eron, or  not  at  all." 

Mr.  Cuff  had  the  good  sense  to  concede  the 
point  instantly,  and  the  Comedienne  making 
her  appearance  at  that  moment  dressed  for  the 
street,  the  three  of  us  entered  Mr.  Cuff's  car- 
riage and  were  whirled  rapidly  to  the  Tower  of 
Babel. 

I  forgot  to  mention  Mr.  Cuff's  statement  that 
as  the  affair  was  entirely  informal  it  was  un- 
necessary for  us  to  dress  for  the  occasion.  So 
it  was  only  a  few  minutes  past  midnight  when 
we  were  ushered  into  the  august  presence  of 
the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot. 

My  readers  do  not  need  to  be  informed  that 
the  prejudice  against  persons  of  color,  so  uni- 
versal in  America,  does  not  exist  in  London. 
That  the  African  and  his  American  or  Euro- 
pean descendants  cut  no  figure  in  London  so- 


The  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot          77 

ciety  is  accounted  for  by  the  fact  that  their  civ- 
ilization has  been  so  recently  accomplished  that 
the  savage  still  shines  through  their  dark  skin. 
It  is  a  question  of  intelligence,  culture,  refine- 
ment; not  of  color.  Accordingly,  the  high 
caste  Indian  with  his  centuries  of  intellectual 
refinement,  is  received  on  terms  of  equality  in 
the  best  circles,  though  his  color  may  be  nearly, 
if  not  quite,  as  dark  as  that  of  his  benighted 
African  brother. 

My  first  glance  at  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot 
was  reassuring.  His  color  was  satisfactory ;  so 
were  his  features,  which  were  regular ;  so  was 
his  costume,  which  was  that  of  a  native  Indian 
of  the  highest  caste.  He  took  my  hand,  when 
I  had  been  presented  by  Mr.  Cuff,  and  said  in 
very  good  English: 

"  The  honor  is  mine.  During  the  three  days 
that  I  have  spent  in  England  your  name  has 
been  more  frequently  in  my  ears  than  any  other." 

Then  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  waved  a 
slender  hand  and  two  dark-skinned  attendants 
began  serving  tea. 

"  Oh,  Miss  Casino,"  said  a  sugary  voice  at  my 
elbow.  "  I  have  so  longed  to  meet  you." 

"Countess  Pipedreme,"  said  little  Mr.  Cuff, 
pompously. 


78         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

This  was  my  first  actual  meeting  with  a 
member  of  the  nobility.  I  found  the  Countess 
at  first  very  gracious.  She  was  a  slight,  blue- 
eyed  doll  of  a  creature.  After  a  moment  I 
found  that  there  was  something  disturbing  in 
her  expression,  as  she  fixed  those  blue  eyes,  so 
wide  open,  upon  me.  I  couldn't  imagine  what 
it  was.  While  I  was  puzzling  over  this,  a  tall, 
boyish-appearing  gentleman  approached  us. 
The  Countess  shrugged  her  shoulders  slightly, 
and  then  said,  in  a  hard,  clear  voice : 

"Miss  Casino,  my  dearest  friend,  Lord  Dan- 
gerford.  We  were  school  children  together." 

I  glanced  at  the  enameled  cheeks  of  Countess 
Pipedreme,  then  at  the  fresh,  youthful  coun- 
tenance of  Lord  Dangerford,  and  thought  how 
backward  in  her  studies  the  Countess  must  have 
been  if  what  she  said  were  true — that  they  had 
been  school  children  together.  So  this  was  the 
mighty  hunter  of  big  game  who  had  compli- 
mented me  so  engagingly  in  his  notes  sent  to 
my  dressing-room  on  the  opening  night.  He 
had  an  honest,  frank  countenance,  with  a  slight 
diffidence  which  I  immediately  set  down  to  his 
long  absences  from  the  civilized  world.  I  liked 
him  from  the  first,  for  I  felt  that  he  was  a  man 
of  honor. 


The  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot          79 

As  Lord  Dangerford,  flushing  slightly,  indi- 
cated a  couple  of  unoccupied  chairs  in  a  some- 
what secluded  part  of  the  room — now  rapidly 
filling  with  literary  and  artistic  personages  of 
both  sexes — and  we  moved  carelessly  in  that 
direction,  I  noticed  that  the  Countess  shrugged 
her  shoulders  again,  a  gesture  that  was  almost 
imperceptible,  yet  to  me  as  eloquent  as  words. 

Before  we  had  reached  the  vacant  chairs  we 
were  overtaken  by  Mr.  Cuff,  who  said,  with  the 
air  of  a  master  of  ceremonies : 

"Now,  Miss  Casino,  I  shall  be  pleased  to 
present  you  to  " — 

"  Oh,  bother,"  said  Lord  Dangerford,  ami- 
ably. "  Never  mind  the  literary  chaps.  They're 
probably  hungry,  anyway." 

"  But — but,  think  of  your  professional  inter- 
ests," began  the  disappointed  little  haberdasher, 
when  I  broke  in  cuttingly : 

"Mr.  Cuff,  oblige  me  by  not  talking  shop." 

Whereat  the  haberdasher,  casting  upon  me  a 
reproachful  look,  began  the  difficult  task  of 
making  himself  agreeable  to  the  other  guests. 

"This  little  gentleman,  this  Mr.— Cuff?— 
have  you  known  him  long  ?  "  inquired  His  Lord- 
ship, as  we  seated  ourselves. 

"  He  is  an  American  acquaintance  of  some 


80         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

years'  standing,"  I  replied  indifferently.  "I 
had  not  seen  him  for  a  long  time ;  but  when 
one  is  in  a  foreign  country,  you  understand  ?  " — 

"  I  understand,"  said  Lord  Dangerford,  with 
his  gentle  smile ;  "  compatriots  in  a  foreign 
country  ignore  class  distinctions.  One  would 
hardly  imagine,  now,  that  this  Mr. — Cuff — be- 
longed to  the  diplomatic  service." 

"  Little  Mr.  Cuff  in  the  diplomatic  service !  " 
I  laughed.  "  Why  Mr.  Cuff  sells  shirts,  and — 
pajamas." 

"  Dear  me,"  murmured  His  Lordship  with  an 
expression  of  gentle  horror.  "A  tradesman? 
Dear  me,  dear  me." 

"Lord  Dangerford,"  I  said,  with  a  feeling 
of  rising  indignation  against  the  little  haber- 
dasher, "is  your  presence  here  the  result  of 
false  representations  on  the  part  of  Mr.  Cuff?" 

"How  could  that  be,  Miss  Casino,  when  I 
find  you  here?" 

I  smiled  my  acknowledgments  of  the  delicate 
compliment,  but  had  the  presence  of  mind  to 
restrain  my  desire  to  repay  it  in  kind. 

"  I  think  it  was  the  Countess,"  explained  His 
Lordship,  "  who  mentioned  that  Mr. — Cuff, — in 
presenting  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot's  invitation, 


The  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  81 

volunteered  the  information  that  he  was  at- 
tached to  the  American  legation." 

"  The  only  possible  connection  Mr.  Cuff  could 
have  with  our  diplomatic  service,"  I  said  indig- 
nantly, "is  the  chance  that  he  may  have  meas- 
ured some  of  the  minor  attaches  for  new  outfits 
of  pajamas." 

"  Dear  me,  dear  me,"  murmured  His  Lordship. 

"  Lord  Dangerford,"  I  said,  suddenly,  a  start- 
ling suspicion  having  entered  my  mind,  "  have 
you  ever  traveled  in  India  ?  " 

His  Lordship  smiled.  "  I  have  killed  every 
species  of  big  game  that  country  produces,  in- 
cluding the  white  cow  with  the  sacred  hump  on 
her  back — for  which  crime,  I  may  remark,  I  was 
arrested  at  the  command  of  the  Mararajah  of 
Serat,  and  narrowly  escaped  with  my  life." 

"  Then  you  must  have  met,  or  at  least  heard 
of,  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  ?  "  I  said,  eagerly. 

Lord  Dangerford  shook  his  head  slowly. 

"  I  believe  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  is  an  im- 
postor," I  said,  hotly.  "  I  don't  believe  he  is 
even  '  Mr.  Chunder  of  Bombay.'  " 

"I  know  all  the  Chunders  of  Bombay,"  said 
His  Lordship,  rising  languidly.  "  This  is  not 
one  of  them.  Pardon  me,  Miss  Casino,  if  I 
leave  you  for  a  single  moment.  I'm  going  to 


82         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

address  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  in  his  native 
tongue." 

The  instant  Lord  Dangerford  had  left  his 
chair  Mr.  Cuff  slid  into  it.  He  seemed  much 
excited. 

"  Miss  Casino,"  he  began,  speaking  rapidly 
and  twisting  the  fingers  of  one  hand  with  the 
fingers  of  the  other  in  a  most  nervous  and  dis- 
turbing manner,  "Miss  Casino,  you  must  un- 
derstand why  I  brought  you  here." 

"  Certainly  I  do,"  I  replied.  "  It  was  to  meet 
the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot." 

"  Oh,  d n  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot — er — 

excuse  the  feelings  of  a  desperate  man.  Miss 
Casino,  can  you  look  upon  me  and  not  be  aware 
that  I  adore  you  ?  " 

"  Mr.  Cuff,"  said  I,  "  your  adoration  is  very 
flattering,  but  if  you  imagine  that  gratitude  for 
the  means  of  meeting  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot 
will  change  the  sentiments  I  have  always  felt 
toward  you  " — 

"The  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  be — hanged," 
said  the  miserable  little  haberdasher,  making  an 
awkward  attempt  to  take  possession  of  one  of 
my  hands.  "  Can't  you,  oh,  won't  you,  realize 
that  it  was  all  for  the  opportunity  of  opening 
my  heart  to  you  that  I  arranged  this  " — 


The  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  83 

"Then  you  admit,  Mr.  Cuff,  that  the  Ging- 
poor of  Kerhoot  is  an  impostor  ?  "  And  I  rose 
from  my  chair  with  a  gesture  of  disgust  which 
seemed  to  wring  the  haberdasher's  very  soul. 

"  Oh,  no,  no.  Not  that,  I  assure  you,  on  the 
honor  of  a  gentleman.  Not  that.  Oh,  no,  no, 
no  ! "  The  little  man  had  a  fold  of  my  skirt  in 
his  hand,  and  was  almost  groveling  at  my  feet. 

"  Mr.  Cuff,"  said  I,  "  you  are  making  a  spec- 
tacle of  yourself.  Why,  what  is  the  meaning 
of  this?" 

Something  was  occurring  that  brought  even 
the  haberdasher  to  his  senses.  The  Gingpoor 
of  Kerhoot  and  Lord  Dangerford  were  sur- 
rounded by  a  dozen  whispering  guests  who  were 
casting  scornful  looks  at  the  dark-skinned  po- 
tentate. The  changed  aspect  of  this  personage 
was  startling.  His  lips,  once  so  red,  were  now 
ashen,  and  his  eyes  rolled  in  terror.  In  a  cool, 
stern  voice  Lord  Dangerford  was  addressing 
him  in  a  language  quite  unfamiliar  to  my  ears. 
Presently  he  ceased,  as  though  awaiting  a  re- 
ply. The  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  opened  and 
closed  his  mouth  once  or  twice,  muttered  half  a 
dozen  disconnected  words,  evidently  in  the  same 
language  used  by  His  Lordship,  and  then  col- 
lapsed in  a  heap  on  a  divan,  while  a  majority  of 


84         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

the  guests  made  hurried  preparations  for  de- 
parture. 

"Why,  wh — what  does  this  mean?"  stut- 
tered the  haberdasher,  rubbing  his  eyes. 

"A  very  pertinent  question,"  commented 
Lord  Dangerford,  resuming  his  place  at  my 
side,  and  casting  upon  poor  Mr.  Cuff  that  other 
glance  which  lurked  in  those  blue  eyes  which, 
up  to  this  moment,  I  had  found  so  mild.  It 
occurred  to  me  that  this  was  the  look  with 
which  His  Lordship  brought  down  his  big  game. 

"  Why, — why,  everybody  is  going ! "  ex- 
claimed innocent  Mr.  Cuff  in  dismay.  "It 
isn't  late — for  London." 

"Lord  Dangerford,"  said  Countess  Pipe- 
dreme,  coming  up  with  her  wraps  on,  "I  am 
ready."  Her  wrap  barely  brushed  the  sleeve 
of  Mr.  Cuff's  coat;  but  she  drew  it  away  with 
a  gesture  that  caused  the  blood  to  mount  to 
the  haberdasher's  cheeks. 

"  I — I  don't  understand,"  began  the  tremb- 
ling master  of  ceremonies ;  "  I  " — 

"  Where  did  you  pick  up  the — Gingpoor  of 
Kerhoot  ?  "  demanded  His  Lordship. 

"  He  sent  his  servant  to  my  apartment,"  the 
haberdasher  explained,  eagerly.  "  The  servant 
said  that  the  Prince,  for  diplomatic  reasons, 


The  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  85 

did  not  wish  to  make  himself  known  in  Lon- 
don. He  was  traveling  incog  with  only  three 
attendants.  One  of  the  servants,  taking  ad- 
vantage of  the  Prince's  desire  to  conceal  his 
rank,  had  stolen  all  his  jewels  and  ready  money, 
amounting  to  nearly  a  million  rupees.  The 
servant  said  that  the  Prince  had  of  course  imme- 
diately communicated  with  the  royal  treasury  in 
India,  but  in  the  meantime  he  was  entirely  with- 
out means.  I  called  on  the  Prince,  and  found 
that  the  honest  servant  had  told  the  exact  truth. 

"  Of  course,"  added  the  haberdasher,  mod- 
estly, "  I  was  happy  to  render  the  Gingpoor  of 
Kerhoot  any  assistance  in  my  power." 

"  Of  course,"  assented  His  Lordship.  "  How 
much,  Mr. — Cuff — has  the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot 
cost  you  to  date  ?  " 

"  Oh ! "  exclaimed  the  little  haberdasher, 
turning  pale,  "you  don't  mean — you  surely 
can't  mean — that  the  Prince  is  an — an  " — 

"  An  imposter,  yes,  that's  the  word,  Mr. — 
Cuff." 

"  Oh  !  "  almost  screamed  the  miserable  little 
man,  beating  his  breast.  "  My  two  hundred 
pounds — or  was  it  two  hundred  guineas  ? — oh, 
it  was  guineas,  I'm  sure  it  was  guineas  !  " 

At  this  juncture  there  was  a  welcome  inter- 


86         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

ruption  in  the  person  of  the  American  Friend. 
While  Mr.  Cuff  was  still  lamenting  his  ravished 
guineas,  the  American  Friend  quickly  took  in 
the  situation.  Really  this  wonderful  man  seems 
to  know  everybody.  He  walked  up  to  where 
the  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  crouched  in  terrified 
silence,  took  him  by  the  collar,  and  dragged 
him,  all  resplendent  in  his  oriental  robes,  to  the 
door  of  an  inner  room  where  he  said : 

"George  Washington  Johnson,  if  I  ever 
catch  you  at  any  more  of  your  tricks  I'll  live 
to  see  you  hanged !  " 

And  with  that  the  American  Friend  gave 
the  late  Gingpoor  of  Kerhoot  a  mighty  kick 
which  sent  him  sprawling  through  the  door. 

Then  the  American  Friend  explained  that 
George  Washington  Johnson  had  been  the  col- 
ored valet  of  a  certain  well-known  promoter 
whose  business  had  at  one  time  taken  him  to 
Bombay. 

When  he  was  assured  that  the  American 
Friend  would  accompany  me  to  my  hotel,  Lord 
Dangerford  said  some  friendly  words  of  fare- 
well and  departed  with  the  Countess.  We  left 
Mr.  Cuff  beating  his  breast  and  moaning  : 

"  Oh,  my  two  hundred  pounds !  Or  was  it 
guineas  ?  I  am  almost  sure  it  was  guineas." 


CHAPTER  VII 

TWO   FLAGS   THAT   WAVE  AS   ONE 

ON  a  certain  night,  never  to  be  forgotten,  I 
noticed  at  the  beginning  of  the  second  act  that 
the  audience  seemed  unusually  sympathetic. 
We  had  grown  accustomed  to  our  success  with 
these  Londoners,  many  of  whose  faces  had 
become  familiar  to  us,  so  constant  was  their  at- 
tendance; but  on  the  night  to  which  I  refer 
there  was  an  enthusiasm  in  their  applause 
which  seemed  entirely  disproportionate  to  our 
merits  as  entertainers.  To  be  strictly  accurate, 
I  was  not  the  first  to  make  this  discovery.  I 
do  not  make  my  entrance  until  some  minutes 
after  the  curtain  has  risen  on  the  second  act ; 
not,  in  fact,  until  Little  Bobby,  Tommy  Atkins, 
Daffy  and  several  others  have  appeared  in  an 
opening  scene  and  retired  from  the  stage  to 
dress  for  the  ensemble.  So  it  happened  that  it 
was  Little  Bobby,  now  quite  an  accomplished 
cockney,  as  to  dialect,  who  brought  me  the 
news,  shouting  as  she  pitched  headlong  into 
my  dressing-room : 

87 


88         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  Hooray !  We've  regerlarly  fetched  'em  at 
larst." 

I  applied  a  touch  of  carmine  to  the  centre  of 
my  upper  lip — the  touch  that  gives  me  my 
"prunes  and  prisms"  expression. 

"  Bless  their  bloomink  'earts,  just  'ear  'em  !  " 
And  Little  Bobby  turned  a  delighted  ear  to- 
ward my  open  door. 

Sure  enough.  For  the  first  time  since  our 
opening  sounds  of  applause  reached  my  dress- 
ing room.  I  gave  Little  Bobby  a  glance  of  in- 
quiry, and  went  on  experimenting  with  my 
"prunes  and  prisms"  effect.  Instead  of  an- 
swering, Little  Bobby  opened  the  door  to  its 
full  width  and  held  up  a  finger  invoking  atten- 
tion. 

My  dressing-room  being  close  to  the  pro- 
scenium on  the  "  O.  P."  side  of  the  stage  I 
could  hear  quite  distinctly  the  bursts  of  ap- 
plause that  were  coming  from  the  audience, 
mingled  with  half  articulate  murmurs  of  admi- 
ration. Presently  there  was  a  louder  burst 
than  usual,  above  which  we  heard  distinctly  in 
a  shrill  voice  coming  apparently  from  the  gal- 
lery : 

"  Hooray  for  Uncle  Sam !  God  save  the 
Queen!" 


Two  Flags  that  Wave  as  One      89 

"Little  Bobby,"  said  I,  "coming  from  a 
British  audience  this  is  marvelous."  And  I 
hastily  finished  preparations  for  my  entrance. 

"  It's  'igh  time  they  'oorayed  for  Uncle  Sam ; 
but  w'ot  are  they  ringing  the  Queen  into  it 
for?" 

"  Hush ! "  said  I.  "  Patriotism  begins  at 
home.  It  is  marvelous  that  we  should  be  the 
means  of  having  America  cheered  at  all.  Some- 
thing has  happened  that  we  are  not  yet  aware 
of." 

"Your  scene,  Miss  Casino,"  warned  the  call 
boy. 

Hurrying  to  respond  to  my  cue,  I  was  greeted 
by  a  storm  of  hand-clapping  that  for  a  moment 
completely  bewildered  me.  I  was  shocked  back 
into  lucidity  by  that  same  shrill  voice  in  the 
gallery  repeating : 

"Hooray  for  Uncle  Sam!  God  save  the 
Queen ! " 

Even  the  distinguished-looking  occupants  of 
the  boxes  were  clapping  their  gloved  hands  and 
laughing  good-humoredly. 

The  applause  continued  at  intervals  through- 
out the  act,  and  when,  just  before  the  fall  of  the 
curtain,  our  squad  of  United  States  marines 
entered  and  marched  to  their  position  at  the 


90          The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

centre  of  the  stage,  and  from  opposite  wings  the 
Stars  and  Stripes  and  the  Union  Jack  were 
brought  in  and  borne  side  by  side  above  the 
heads  of  the  marines — a  detail  which  had  not 
been  omitted  at  any  previous  performance — half 
the  great  audience  rose  and  cheered  lustily, 
while  the  orchestra  played  The  Star  Spangled 
Banner. 

What  had  happened  ?  The  moment  the  cur- 
tain had  fallen  we  were  asking  this  question  of 
each  other.  Several  of  the  girls  showed  signs 
of  hysterics.  Others  walked  about  absently, 
humming  patriotic  airs.  I  observed  our  Amer- 
ican property  man  furtively  brushing  away  a 
tear.  My  own  eyes  were  moist.  Little  Bobby 
was  sniffing  audibly.  Oh,  it  was  very  plain 
that  our  London  success  had  not  hardened  our 
hearts.  We  were  still  Americans ! 

As  we  stood  in  an  agitated  group  speculating 
and  wondering,  I  heard  the  voice  of  the  Ameri- 
can Friend  addressing  me. 

"  Miss  Casino,  you've  met  Lord  Dangerford. 
He  comes  to  tell  you  the  news — good  news. 
Glorious  news ! " 

His  Lordship  was  smiling.  "Miss  Casino, 
how  do  you  like  England  to-night?  " 


"Meat  pies  and  Duchesses." — Page  91. 


Two  Flags  that  Wave  as  One      91 

"  I  have  always  liked  England,"  I  answered. 
"  To-night  I  love  her." 

"  So  d — do  I,"  said  Little  Bobby,  wiping  her 
eyes. 

"As  for  me,  I  dote  on  England,"  said  the 
Comedienne,  who  held  her  handkerchief  in  her 
hand,  and  whose  nose  was  red.  When  the 
Comedienne  is  agitated  she  makes  the  most 
grotesque  remarks.  When  Lord  Dangerford 
had  asked  her  politely  what  characteristic  prod- 
uct of  Great  Britain  she  doted  on  most,  she  re- 
plied, with  a  hysterical  gurgle : 

"  Meat  pies  and  Duchesses." 

"  And  what,"  said  His  Lordship,  still  smiling 
amiably,  "  do  you  think  we  Englishmen  admire 
most  about  America.  No  joking,  my  dear 
young  ladies ;  this  is  serious." 

His  Lordship  was  still  smiling,  but  gravely,  as 
though  the  thing  of  which  he  was  thinking  lay 
very  close  to  his  heart.  We  were  silent.  Lord 
Dangerford  paused  for  a  moment,  then  took  off 
his  hat  and  said : 

"To-night  we  Englishmen  are  filled  with  ad- 
miration for  the  American  navy.  We  would 
like  to  shake  hands  with  every  brave  blue 
jacket  that  walks  the  decks  of  your  battle  ships. 
We  would  like  to  stand  beside  them  at  your 


g 2         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

guns,  with  gallant  Commodore  Dewey  on  the 
bridge  of  the  flagship." 

"  The  war  with  Spain,"  I  asked  eagerly,  while 
all  the  members  of  the  company  gathered  close 
about  Lord  Dangerf ord ;  "has  it  really  begun? 
Has  there  been  a  great  victory?  " 

"Almost  the  greatest  naval  victory  ever 
won,"  said  His  Lordship.  "  A  splendid,  gallant 
attack  by  the  American  squadron.  A  magnifi- 
cent dash  in  the  early  morning  right  under  the 
muzzles  of  the  great  guns  of  the  Spanish  land 
batteries,  heedless  of  torpedoes  and  sunken 
mines,  on  at  full  speed  into  the  harbor  of  Ma- 
nila where  the  Spanish  fleet  lay,  five  glorious 
hours  of  fighting,  and  then  not  a  Spanish  ship 
left  above  water." 

"Oh,  our  poor  sailors,"  said  I;  "what  an 
awful  slaughter  it  must  have  been !  " 

"Not  an  American  killed;  only  a  few 
wounded,"  said  Lord  Dangerford. 

We  looked  at  one  another  in  amazement. 

"The  marksmanship  of  the  American  gun- 
ners was  superb,"  said  His  Lordship.  "  By  this 
time  all  Europe  is  singing  their  praises." 

You  should  have  seen  us  there,  in  our  wigs, 
our  painted  faces,  in  the  tinsel  and  the  silken 
fripperies  of  our  mimic  world  attire, — uncon- 


Two  Flags  that  Wave  as  One       93 

scious  of  the  incongruity  of  bare  shoulders  and 
arms  and  shapely  limbs  unconventionally  ex- 
posed, with  the  great  deeds  being  pictured  to  us 
so  graphically — alternately  hugging  each  other, 
dancing  for  joy,  and  returning  eagerly  to  His 
Lordship  for  more  details.  We  were  none  the 
less  Americans  for  being  mummers,  and  I  am 
sure  that  Lord  Dangerford,  upon  that  occasion, 
regarded  us  in  no  other  light  than  of  represent- 
atives of  a  nation  which  he,  in  his  impulsive 
way,  delighted  to  honor.  The  news  of  the  bat- 
tle, too  late  for  publication  in  the  London  even- 
ing papers,  had  been  received  at  the  theatre 
during  the  first  act.  By  the  time  the  curtain 
rose  on  the  second  act  every  one  in  the  house 
knew  of  the  disaster  which  the  Spaniards  had 
suffered  in  their  first  encounter  with  Ameri- 
can battle  ships.  There  is  nothing  that  stirs 
the  blood  of  an  Englishman,  to  whatever  class 
he  may  belong,  like  war  and  tales  of  gallant 
fighting.  So,  in  default  of  actual  heroes  of 
Manila  to  cheer,  they  cheered  us.  They  kept  it 
up  until  the  close  of  the  performance.  And 
when  I  stepped  into  my  hansom  at  the  stage 
door  the  narrow  street  was  filled  with  late  oc- 
cupants of  the  pit  and  the  gallery,  who  cheered 
us  as  we  departed  for  our  homes. 


94         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

As  days  passed  by  it  was  delightful  to  note 
that  this  new  spirit  of  cordiality  toward  Ameri- 
cans was  not  merely  an  impulse  inspired  by  un- 
expected revelations  of  valor  in  battle,  to  die 
out  when  the  news  had  grown  cold.  London- 
ers of  every  station  in  life  seemed  to  take  per- 
sonal and  permanent  pride  in  the  new  and  hon- 
orable character  acquired  by  a  sister  nation.  It 
had  seemed  to  me  before  the  battle  of  Manila 
that  Englishmen  did  not  consider  America  and 
Americans  quite  seriously.  If  one  found  occa- 
sion to  refer  to  the  population,  the  institutions 
and  the  resources  of  the  United  States,  and  to 
show  how  favorably  they  compared  with  those 
of  any  other  country,  the  most  one  could  ex- 
pect in  reply  would  be  a  patronizing  reference 
to  the  "  opportunity  "  which  England  had  per- 
mitted the  fathers  of  the  American  revolution 
to  grasp.  In  other  words,  the  United  States 
was  a  sort  of  accident,  which  might,  or  might 
not  turn  out  well,  according  to  circumstances. 
The  fact  that  the  victories  which  had  won  us 
our  independence  had  been  duplicated  by  others 
equally  brilliant  a  quarter  of  a  century  later  ap- 
peared to  have  no  special  significance  to  our 
obstinate  brother.  His  attitude  was  that  of  an 
elder  near  relative  who  had  made  a  domestic 


Two  Flags  that  Wave  as  One      95 

concession  out  of  sheer  good  nature.  Troubles 
like  these  were  bound  to  occur  in  the  best  regu- 
lated families.  The  easiest  way  to  smooth  them 
over  was  for  the  powerful  elders  to  appear  to 
let  the  insurgent  youthful  member  of  the  family 
have  his  own  way. 

But  now  that  the  lusty  young  prodigal  had 
thrown  down  the  gauntlet  to  a  legitimate 
enemy,  which  he  had  proceeded  to  whip  in 
the  most  gallant  and  scientific  style  known  in 
modern  warfare,  his  deed  not  only  established 
his  personal  status,  but  reflected  credit  on  the 
entire  family.  It  was  therefore  but  the  sim- 
plest logic  that  all  English  hearts  should  warm 
toward  us  after  our  first  superb  dash  at  the 
throat  of  the  Spaniard. 

As  I  am  only  an  ignorant  girl  engrossed 
wholly  in  the  arts  of  peace,  you  will  under- 
stand that  my  impressions,  as  above  feebly  ex- 
pressed, come  necessarily  very  near  the  truth. 
I  possess  neither  the  knowledge  nor  the  sophis- 
try which  blunts  the  observation  of  the  wise 
ones  and  so  often  leads  them  to  false  conclu- 
sions. A  single  illustration,  added  to  that  fur- 
nished by  the  enthusiasm  of  Lord  Dangerford, 
will  be  sufficient  to  convince  the  most  skeptical 
that  great  truths  may  issue  from  a  frivolous 


96         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

and  petticoated  creature  of  the  footlights  as 
well  as  from  the  mouths  of  babes  and  suck- 
lings. 

It  was  perhaps  a  week  after  we  received  the 
great  news  from  the  Philippines  that  I  found  it 
necessary  to  do  some  shopping  in  Regent  and 
Oxford  Streets. 

"  Prue,"  said  I  as  I  stepped  into  the  hansom 
waiting  outside  the  arched  gateway  of  the 
pretty  little  place  in  St.  John's  Wood  which  I 
now  inhabited ;  "  Prue,  can  you  think  of  any- 
thing besides  the  gloves,  the  hat  I  need  for  the 
coaching  party  to  the  Ascot  Cup  race,  the  black 
silk  hose,  and  the  shirt  waists  ?  " 

"No,"  answered  my  maid,  who  is  really  my 
companion  as  well;  "and  there  is  really  no 
hurry  about  the  shirt  waists.  You  have  three 
that  you've  never  worn." 

At  this  time  the  Honorable  Mrs.  Pebblestone, 
of  whom  I  shall  have  more  to  say  later  on,  had 
become  one  of  my  warmest  friends.  Her  intro- 
ductions at  the  best  shops  in  the  fashionable 
district  insured  my  being  waited  on  with  the 
utmost  deference.  But  I  was  quite  unpre- 
pared for  the  attentions  that  were  showered 
upon  me  by  the  proprietors  themselves  upon 
this  occasion.  The  shop  where  I  stopped  to 


Two  Flags  that  Wave  as  One       97 

purchase  gloves  is  regularly  patronized  by  the 
Princess  of  Wales.  My  hansom  had  hardly 
stopped  before  its  entrance  when  the  proprie- 
tor, bare  headed,  came  out  and  escorted  me  into 
his  establishment. 

"  It  is  an  honor  to  serve  you,  Miss  Casino,  I 
do  assure  you,"  he  said  smilingly.  Then,  hav- 
ing ordered  an  attendant  to  exhibit  his  entire 
stock  for  my  inspection,  he  remarked : 

"  What  a  glorious  victory,  that  of  Commodore 
Dewey's,  at  Manila." 

"It's  so  lovely  of  you  Englishmen  to  take 
such  interest  in  our  brave  sailors,"  I  said,  with 
a  smile  of  gratitude.  "  Thanks,  I'll  take  these 
— yes,  the  whole  half  dozen.  I  like  the  style, 
and  they  seem  so  well  stitched." 

"  Your  Commander  Dewey  deserves  to  rank 
with  our  own  Nelson,"  said  the  shopkeeper. 

"  Do  you  really  think  so  ?  How  delightful ! 
I'll  take  half  a  dozen  of  the  undressed  tans, 
please." 

"  The  marksmanship  of  your  gunners  is  the 
absorbing  topic  of  conversation  in  our  naval  cir- 
cles, my  son  says,  who  is  home  on  two  months' 
leave." 

"  Why,"  said  I  in  joyful  surprise,  "  I  always 
supposed  that  the  English  gunners  had  no 


98         The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

equals.  Yes,  two  pairs  of  the  two-button,  and 
two  pairs  of  the  driving  gauntlets.  One  can- 
not have  too  many  gloves,  especially  when  they 
are  so  well  made  as  these  are." 

"  Wherever  I  go,"  the  shopkeeper  resumed, 
"  I  hear  the  most  enthusiastic  praise  of  the  per- 
sonal bravery  of  the  Americans.  Only  yester- 
day the  Prince  was  in  to  select  a  dozen  pairs  of 
driving  gloves,  and  I  ventured  to  remark  to  His 
Royal  Highness  that  it  was  glorious  to  think 
that  these  'eroes  were  of  our  own  flesh  and 
blood." 

"  What  did  the  Prince  say,"  I  asked,  eagerly. 

"His  Royal  Highness  remarked  that  blood 
was  thicker  than  water,  and  he  was  proud 
of  it." 

"  How  beautiful  of  the  Prince ! "  said  I. 
"  Oh,  a  dozen  of  the  Suedes,  please." 

My  reception  at  the  other  shops  was  no  less 
flattering.  I  was  amazed  to  note  what  an  in- 
timate knowledge  of  American  affairs  these 
London  shopkeepers  have.  They  related  to 
me  particulars  of  the  battle  of  Manila  which  I 
had  been  unable  to  find  in  any  of  the  news- 
papers. Their  honest  faces  beamed  with  joy 
while  they  eulogized  the  genius  and  gallantry 
of  Dewey,  and  recited  instances  of  the  personal 


Two  Flags  that  Wave  as  One       99 

bravery  of  his  men.  They  seemed  to  be  wholly 
indifferent  as  to  whether  I  made  any  purchases. 
Their  pride  in  their  kinship  with  Americans 
was  delightful  to  behold.  I  drove  home  with 
my  purchases  heaped  around  me  in  the  hansom 
feeling  as  though  I  had  a  personal  share  in  the 
new  lustre  shed  upon  my  country. 

Occasionally  Prue  presumes  upon  her  not 
wholly  admitted  status  as  my  companion.  This 
was  her  disposition  when  I  reached  home. 

"  Forty-seven  pairs  of  gloves ! "  she  ex- 
claimed. "  You  didn't  say  anything  about  hav- 
ing to  purchase  for  all  the  other  girls,  too." 

"  I  purchased  only  for  myself,"  I  replied  in 
tones  becoming  to  the  principal  in  the  transac- 
tion. 

"  Did  you  purchase  nine  hats  for  yourself 
only  ?  "  demanded  Prue,  taking  them  from  their 
boxes. 

I  nodded. 

"  And  eleven  shirt  waists  ?  " 

"One  needs  a  change,  occasionally,"  I  re- 
plied, cuttingly. 

"  Half  a  dozen  pink  and  half  a  dozen  black 
silk  hose,  at  thirteen  and  six  a  pair.  One 
would  say,  my  dear,  that  you  imagined  yourself 
a  centipede." 


loo       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

I  declined  to  pursue  the  conversation.  It 
would  have  been  impossible  to  make  Prue, 
whose  nature  is  cold  and  practical,  understand 
the  patriotic  feelings  which  prompted  me  to 
recognize  the  beautiful  expressions  of  pride  and 
sympathy  which  had  flowed  from  the  hearts  of 
these  honest  London  shopkeepers. 


CHAPTER  VIII 

I  MEET   A  DUCHESS   OR  TWO 

I  HAD  now  attained  that  social  eminence, 
striven  for  by  so  many  in  my  profession, 
achieved  by  so  few,  which  made  me  the  object 
of  the  attentions  of  a  Duchess.  Believe  me,  I 
do  not  mention  this  with  any  desire  of  provok- 
ing the  envy  of  my  less  fortunate  sisters ;  it  is 
only  one  of  those  things  which  the  veracious 
historian  is  in  duty  bound  to  record.  Further- 
more, I  must  do  myself  the  justice  of  explain- 
ing that  this  and  other  distinctions  came  to  me 
quite  unsolicited.  As  the  best  possible  evi- 
dence to  that  effect  I  will  quote  from  the  Hon- 
orable Mrs.  Pebblestone's  letter  containing  an 
invitation  to  which  I  was  preparing  to  respond 
one  lovely  afternoon  in  June. 

"  My  dear,"  wrote  the  Honorable  Mrs.  Peb- 
blestone, "  I  hope  you  will  appreciate  the  real 
significance  of  the  compliment  Her  Grace  be- 
stows upon  you.  The  Duchess  of  Edgecombe 
is  not  one  of  those  extremely  modernized  mem- 
bers of  the  nobility  who  stultify  themselves 

101 


1O2       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

and  their  position  by  constant  efforts  to  concili- 
ate the  masses.  She  is  hardly  less  faithful  to 
the  tenets  of  the  ancient  regime  than  is  the 
Dowager  Duchess  herself.  Yet,  my  dear  child, 
it  is  the  Dowager  Duchess  who  is  the  more 
urgent  of  the  two  in  pressing  this  invitation 
upon  you. 

"  So,  my  dear,  if  the  Dowager  Duchess,  who 
goes  out  rarely,  and  never  to  the  theatre — she 
is  past  eighty,  you  know — should  ask  you  to 
sing  something,  you  will  of  course  understand 
that  she  makes  the  request  in  the  same  spirit 
that  she  would  make  it  of  the  Countess  Pipe- 
dreme,  Lady  Dunstable  or  of  any  other  of  the 
accomplished  amateurs  moving  in  our  best  so- 
ciety. .  .  . 

"  My  carriage  will  call  for  you,  dear,  at  four 
precisely.  Do  not  be  a  moment  late,  I  beg  of 
you.  At  Edgecombe  House  tea  is  served  punc- 
tually on  the  stroke  of  five — a  point  upon 
which  the  Dowager  Duchess  is  extremely  par- 
ticular. 

"  Faithfully  yours, 

"PEGGY  PEBBLESTONE." 

I  read  the  Honorable  Mrs.  Pebblestone's  let- 
ter to  Prue  while  she  was  dressing  my  hair. 


I  Meet  a  Duchess  or  Two        103 

"  Ahem,"  said  my  companion-maid,  as  though 
about  to  make  one  of  her  critical  observations, 
but  finally  concluding  that  silence  was  more 
discreet. 

"  Well,  Prue  ?  "  I  said  interrogatively. 

"  Oh,  I  know  just  how  much  weight  my  opin- 
ion will  have  with  you." 

"But  you  don't  need  to  pull  my  hair  out  by 
the  roots  in  your  efforts  to  suppress  your  nat- 
ural inclination  to  say  disagreeable  things.  I 
would  rather  you  spoke  out,"  said  I. 

"  Well,"  said  Prue,  "  I  have  only  one  fault  to 
find  with  the  Honorable  Mrs.  Pebblestone's  let- 
ter containing  the  Dowager  Duchess'  invitation 
for  you  to  sing  at  the  Duchess  of  Edgecombe's 
afternoon  tea." 

"  And  what  may  that  be,  Prue  ?  " 

"That  the  Honorable  Mrs.  Pebblestone's 
letter  did  not  also  contain  the  Dowager  Duch- 
ess' check  for  ten  guineas." 

"Prue,"  I  replied  in  a  tone  that  forbade 
further  discussion  of  the  subject,  "the  Honor- 
able Mrs.  Pebblestone's  carriage  is  waiting  at 
my  door.  When  you  have  finished  with  my 
hair  I  will  go." 

It  is  so  easy  for  some  people  to  suspect  base 
motives  in  even  the  friendliest  actions  of  others. 


104       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

I  am  proud  to  say  that  I  accepted  the  Duchess 
of  Edgecombe's  flattering  attention  in  the  spirit 
which  prompted  it.  The  Honorable  Mrs.  Peb- 
blestone beamed  with  pleasure  when  I  arrived 
at  her  house  on  time  ;  and  during  our  short 
drive  to  Edgecombe  House  she  overwhelmed 
me  with  compliments  of  what  she  was  pleased 
to  term  my  simple  and  unaffected  manner  of 
accepting  attentions  which  were  my  due. 

"  It  is  so  good  of  yon  to  come,  my  dear,"  said 
the  Duchess  of  Edgecombe,  kissing  me  cordi- 
ally on  both  cheeks.  "  Come,  I  must  present 
you  to  mamma,  who  is  dying  to  meet  you." 

The  Duchess  led  me  into  a  room  where  the 
tea  things  were  already  spread.  At  the  upper 
end  of  the  room  behind  a  table  evidently  re- 
served for  her  exclusive  use  sat  a  very  large 
old  lady  with  a  double  chin,  blinking  red  eye- 
lids and  innumerable  iron-grey  curls  brushing 
her  mottled  cheeks.  Before  I  realized  who  the 
old  lady  was  it  occurred  to  me  how  much  she 
resembled  a  toad — and  not  a  very  amiable  one 
either. 

"  Mamma  is  becoming  forgetful,  and  a  little 
deaf,"  said  the  Duchess,  as  we  drew  near  the 
old  lady  entrenched  behind  her  tea  table.  "  But 
you  won't  mind,  dear." 


I  Meet  a  Duchess  or  Two        105 

If  the  Dowager  Duchess'  ears  had  been  some- 
what dulled  by  time  it  was  evident  that  her 
red-rimmed  eyes  were  still  sufficiently  sharp. 

"Sally,"  she  mumbled,  querulously,  as  we 
approached,  "  Sally,  where's  the  tea  ?  " 

"It  lacks  five  minutes  to  five  yet,  mamma," 
said  the  Duchess,  in  the  low,  distinct  tones  one 
learns  to  use  in  speaking  to  deaf  persons. 

"  The  clocks  are  wrong  again,  drat  it ! "  said 
the  old  lady.  Then,  putting  up  a  tortoise- 
shell-rimmed  glass  she  looked  at  me  sharply 
and  said,  shaking  her  grey  curls  solemnly : 

"The  new  maid,  Sally?  No,  she  won't  do. 
Send  her  away,  Sally.  Too  neat,  too  hand- 
some. Think  of  the  boys,  Sally.  We  must 
not  put  temptation  in  the  way  of  the  boys. 
Send  her  away,  Sally ;  send  her  away." 

I  felt  that  my  cheeks  were  scarlet. 

"No,  no,  mamma,"  said  the  Duchess,  with 
her  lips  close  to  the  old  lady's  ear ;  "  this  is 
Miss  Casino." 

"  Oh,  the  dancing  woman,"  said  the  dreadful 
old  lady,  grinning  at  me  through  her  glass. 
"A  good  leg,  no  doubt;  I  should  judge  that 
she  had  a  very  good  leg,  drat  it !  I  dare  say 
now,  my  dear,  that  you  could  kick  a  globe  off 


106       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

the  chandelier.  Do  it,  drat  it !  Do  it  for  a 
shilling." 

The  Dowager  Duchess,  mumbling  to  herself, 
seemed  to  be  searching  her  pocket  for  a  shil- 
ling. Her  daughter-in-law  checked  her  with  a 
sharp  explanation: 

"No,  no,  mamma.  Miss  Casino.  A  very 
estimable  young  lady.  The  one  who  sings, 
you  remember — of  whom  Lord  Dangerford 
spoke  so  highly." 

"  Lord  Dangerford  is  a  sad  young  dog,  Sally. 
I  remember  his  father,  drat  it ! "  And  the 
Dowager  Duchess  laughed  softly  at  her  mem- 
ory. Then  she  glanced  at  me  again  sharply. 
"And  so  you  sing,  Miss?  Well,  well;  after 
tea,  after  tea,  perhaps.  But  I'm  sure  she  has  a 
good  leg,  Sally." 

This  embarrassing  incident  was  closed  tem- 
porarily by  the  entrance  of  servants  with  tea. 
One  of  the  servants  bore  a  large  tray  upon 
which,  besides  a  pot  which  must  have  contained 
fully  half  a  gallon  of  steaming  amber  fluid, 
were  a  dozen  slices  of  buttered  bread,  a  jar  of 
marmalade  and  an  imposing  pyramid  of  cakes. 
To  my  surprise  the  entire  contents  of  this  tray 
were  deposited  upon  the  table  at  which  the 
Dowager  Duchess  sat  alone,  whereupon  the 


I  Meet  a  Duchess  or  Two        107 

servant  coolly  tucked  a  napkin  under  the  old 
lady's  double  chin  and  left  the  room. 

In  spite  of  my  democratic  origin  and  my 
loyal  adherence  to  the  principles  of  republican- 
ism I  have  always  entertained  a  certain  respect 
for  the  institutions  of  royalty;  but  I  will  not 
deny  that  the  appetite  of  the  Dowager  Duchess 
of  Edgecombe,  and  her  manner  of  satisfying  it, 
filled  me  with  an  amazement  in  which  the  sen- 
timent of  reverence  for  the  nobility  was  con- 
spicuously lacking.  When  the  dreadful  old 
woman  drank  her  tea  she  gurgled;  when  she 
ate  her  buttered  bread  she  snored;  when  she 
tossed  assorted  tea  cakes  into  her  cavernous 
mouth  she  accompanied  the  feat  by  little  grunts 
and  chuckles  of  satisfaction  that  were  essen- 
tially unaristocratic.  I  gazed  upon  the  feeding 
Dowager  Duchess  with  a  horrible  fascination 
that  was  only  interrupted  by  the  consciousness 
that  I  was  being  presented  to  Lady  Dunstable 
against  a  familiar  background  of  Lord  Danger- 
ford  and  Countess  Pipedreme.  The  room  had 
rilled  with  distinguished  society  people,  with 
here  and  there  a  petted  artist  or  musician. 
The  Duchess,  with  a  tact  that  was  admirable, 
classified  the  company  according  to  its  indi- 
vidual friendships  and  animosities,  the  group 


108       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

of  which  I  found  myself  a  member  having,  it  is 
true,  one  slight  disadvantage  in  the  person  of 
Countess  Pipedreme,  who,  if  possible,  was 
thicker  as  to  enamel,  and  less  discreet  in  her 
bearing  toward  Lord  Dangerford,  than  upon 
the  occasion  of  our  former  meeting. 

"  My  dear,"  said  Lady  Dunstable — an  ami- 
able young  matron  with  round  cheeks  and  baby 
blue  eyes — "  my  dear,  you  probably  have  met 
my  brother,  George  Dashleigh.  He  has  a  cat- 
tle ranch  somewhere  in  Texas — or  is  it  Brazil  ? 
At  any  rate  it  is  not  far  from  New  York." 

The  geographical  information  that  rose  to 
my  lips  died  there  in  obedience  to  Lord  Danger- 
ford's  smiling  glance  of  warning. 

"  No,  I  never  had  that  pleasure,"  I  answered 
politely,  then  adding  as  I  returned  Lord  Dan- 
gerford's  amused  glance :  "  I  rarely  go  farther 
from  New  York  than  Alaska  or  Patagonia." 

"Dear  me,"  said  Lady  Dunstable;  "why  I 
visited  Edinburgh  before  I  was  sixteen." 

"  I  understand,"  drawled  the  Earl  of  Drip- 
pingeaves,  "  that  there  are  no  longer  any  buf- 
falo within  a  day's  ride  of  Washington.  Sorry, 
I'm  sure.  Must  be  a  dooced  inconvenience  for 
the  sportsmen  of  Omaha." 


I  Meet  a  Duchess  or  Two        109 

The  Duchess  turned  her  friendly  eyes  upon 
me. 

"How  do  you  like  London,  my  dear?" 

"  I  am  overawed  by  its  size,  its  wealth  and 
its  splendid  historical  associations  " — 

"  Of  course  you've  been  to  the  trial  of  poor, 
dear  Dr.  Cumniings,"  said  Lady  Dunstable. 

"As  I  have  not  yet  had  time  to  visit  either 
the  Tower  or  the  Museum,"  I  answered,  "I 
naturally  " — 

"  Oh,  a  great  mistake,  my  dear,"  interrupted 
the  Duchess  with  sparkling  eyes.  "  There  is 
nothing  in  London  to  compare  in  interest  for  a 
moment  with  the  trial  of  Dr.  Cummings." 

"  I  wouldn't  miss  a  session  for  worlds,"  said 
Countess  Pipedreme. 

"  Nor  I,"  said  Lady  Dunstable  with  a  look  of 
ecstasy. 

"My  dear,"  said  the  Duchess,  "you  never 
saw  such  a  delicious  look  of  agony  on  a  human 
face  as  that  with  which  Dr.  Cummings  listened 
to  the  damning  evidence  against  him.  It  was 
most  thrilling." 

"Indeed  it  was,"  chirped  Lady  Dunstable, 
sipping  her  tea.  "  I  haven't  experienced  such 
a  genuine  sensation  since  I  listened  to  poor  dear 
Lady  Isabella  Bellamy's  sentence  of  transpor- 


no       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

tation  for  life  for  choking  her  grandmother  to 
death." 

"  Really,  you  mustn't  dream  of  missing  Dr. 
Cummings'  trial,"  said  the  Duchess  earnestly ; 
"  of  course  you  have  already  missed  the  earlier 
sessions.  But  come  around  any  morning  while 
I  am  at  breakfast  and  I  will  gladly  give  you  the 
details  of  the  case  up  to  date.  I  know  them  by 
heart." 

"So  do  I,"  said  Lady  Dunstable.  "  My  dear, 
you  shall  go  to  the  next  session  of  the  trial  with 
me.  I  will  have  my  carriage  call  for  you  in 
ample  time." 

"  Thank  you,  Duchess ;  thank  you,  Lady  Dun- 
stable.  It  is  very  good  of  you,"  I  said.  "  You 
will  pardon  my  ignorance  if  I  inquire  the  na- 
ture of  the  crime  of  which  Dr.  Cummiugs  is 
accused  ?  " 

"  Murder,  my  dear,"  said  the  Duchess.  "  The 
most  delightfully  cold-blooded  murder  in  all  the 
annals  of  crime." 

"  This  Dr.  Cummings,"  I  said,  faintly,  "  was 
he  of  good  standing  in  his  profession  ?  Did  he 
move  " — 

"  My  dear,"  said  the  Duchess,  leaning  across 
the  tea  table  toward  me,  "  Dr.  Cummings  was 


I  Meet  a  Duchess  or  Two        1 1 1 

my  own  family  physician.  He  had  my  entire 
confidence." 

"  And  mine,"  said  Lady  Dunstable.  "  You 
can't  imagine,  my  dear,  how  interesting  it  is  to 
see  one's  confidential  medical  adviser  trembling 
in  the  murderer's  dock.  You  should  have  seen 
him  on  the  day  he  fainted  while  undergoing  the 
torture  of  cross-examination." 

"  It  was  the  most  enjoyable  afternoon  I  have 
spent  in  years,"  said  the  Duchess,  helping  her- 
self to  more  tea. 

I  have  no  idea  how  much  longer  this  extraor- 
dinary scene  would  have  lasted  under  ordinary 
conditions.  But  the  Dowager  Duchess  having 
finished  her  half  gallon  of  tea,  her  dozen  slices 
of  buttered  bread,  and  her  pyramid  of  assorted 
tea  cakes,  was  now  snoring  unendurably  with 
her  double  chin  buried  in  her  bulbous  bosom. 

"  Poor  mamma,"  said  the  Duchess,  in  tones 
of  sympathy,  but  with  a  glance  in  the  direction 
of  the  disturbance  that  belied  them ;  "  she  be- 
comes so  fatigued  in  the  afternoon." 

With  this  remark  the  Duchess  went  over  and 
shook  the  Dowager  Duchess  of  Edgecombe  so 
soundly  by  her  noble  shoulder  that  she  awoke 
with  a  start  and  instantly  fixed  her  red-rimmed 
eyes  upon  me,  saying  haughtily : 


112       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  Well,  why  doesn't  the  woman  dance  ?  She's 
had  her  tea,  hasn't  she  ?  " 

I  saw  Lord  Dangerford's  face  grow  dark,  and 
restrained  my  indignation. 

"Well,  why  doesn't  she  sing  then?"  de- 
manded the  dreadful  old  lady,  after  the  Duch- 
ess had  whispered  some  words  in  her  ear ;  "  has 
she  had  her  tea,  or  hasn't  she  ?  Drat  it !  " 

Fortunately  for  me  the  Dowager  Duchess 
was  too  sleepy  to  pursue  the  subject  further, 
but  dozed  off  again,  muttering  loud  enough  for 
every  one  to  hear: 

"But  I'm  sure  she  has  a  good  leg — a  good 
leg,  drat  it !  " 

Subsequent  kindnesses  on  the  part  of  the 
Duchess  of  Edgecombe,  of  Lady  Dunstable,  and 
other  members  of  the  British  nobility,  have 
served  in  a  great  measure  to  stifle  my  resent- 
ment against  the  Dowager  Duchess,  who,  it  is 
easy  to  see,  is  in  her  dotage,  and  therefore  not 
accountable  for  either  her  words  or  her  actions. 


CHAPTER  IX 

THE  LIAR   FORGETS   HIS  LINES 

MY  duty  as  a  faithful  chronicler  again  com- 
pels me  to  recite  matters  which,  personally,  I 
would  prefer  should  remain  unrecorded.  Not 
that  they  tend  in  any  way  to  diminish  my  just 
claim  to  the  honors  which  had  fallen  so  thick 
upon  me.  I  trust  that  the  time  will  never 
come  when  any  outcome  of  the  lamentable  feud 
between  Daffy  and  the  Liar  could  be  equal  to 
the  accomplishment  of  that  result.  But  I  dis- 
like to  mention  the  particular  occurrence  I  now 
have  in  mind  for  the  reason  that  it  seems  to 
place  in  an  undignified  light  one  whom  I  esteem 
most  highly.  I  refer  to  Lord  Dangerford.  But 
let  me  recite  the  details  in  the  order  in  which 
they  occurred,  leaving  my  discriminating  read- 
ers to  place  where  they  belong  whatever  blame 
and  humiliation  are  merited  or  suffered. 

I  have  already,  once  or  twice,  referred  inci- 
dentally to  the  disquieting  conduct  of  Daffy 
and  the  Liar:  to  their  undisguised  hatred  of 
each  other  whenever  fortune  smiled  upon  our 
113 


1 14       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

prospects ;  to  their  brief  and  affecting  reconcili- 
ations in  the  seeming  presence  of  disaster ;  and 
to  the  spirit  of  discord  which  their  example 
provoked  among  the  chorus.  It  will  have  been 
observed  that  the  unequivocal  success  of  our 
London  opening,  and  the  added  popularity  we 
soon  enjoyed  as  compatriots  of  the  gallant 
Commodore  Dewey,  were  not  conducive  to  any 
further  suspensions  of  this  extraordinary  feud. 
In  one  respect  this  was  a  fortunate  circum- 
stance. Daffy  had  left  behind  her  in  New  York 
an  exceedingly  jealous  husband.  I  had  often 
been  troubled  by  the  thought  of  what  unpleas- 
ant consequences  might  follow  his  discovery, 
for  instance,  of  the  tears  and  embraces  with 
which  Daffy  and  the  Liar  adjusted  their  mutual 
grievance  during  the  dark  hour  preceding  the 
first  rise  of  our  curtain.  A  month  had  now 
elapsed  since  the  occurrence  of  this  indiscreet 
scene.  Supposing  some  mischievous  member 
of  the  company — the  Comedienne  or  Little 
Bobby — had  written  to  Daffy's  husband  about 
it?  Either  of  these  two  might  have  done  so 
without  meriting  very  severe  rebuke.  Both 
were  known  to  be  the  possessors  of  American 
husbands,  of  whom  both  stood  in  some  awe, 
and  both  had  more  than  once,  on  the  eve  of 


I 


The  Liar  Forgets  His  Lines       115 

some  merry  junket  up  the  Thames,  been  sol- 
emnly informed  by  the  Liar  that  their  husbands 
had  arrived  some  days  before  and  were  in  com- 
munication with  Scotland  Yard.  I  should  have 
mentioned  before  this  that  it  was  his  frequent 
indulgence  in  disturbing  reports  of  this  kind 
that  had  won  for  the  Liar  his  sobriquet. 

On  the  evening  of  the  day  on  which  I  took 
tea  at  the  Duchess  of  Edgecombe's  my  mind 
was  too  full  of  other  thoughts  to  leave  room  for 
logical  deductions  regarding  a  disturbance  be- 
hind the  scenes  which  began  during  the  first 
act  and  lasted  until  the  performance  was  over. 
I  was  therefore  as  completely  deceived  as  was 
every  other  participant. 

It  was  near  the  end  of  the  first  act,  and  the 
cue  for  the  Liar's  entrance  had  met  with  no 
response.  I  added  some  impromptu  lines  and 
then  repeated  the  Liar's  cue.  Still  no  response. 
I  glanced  through  the  entrance  where  he  was 
due  to  appear  and  was  astonished  to  see  him 
standing  there  ready  to  go  on.  A  second 
glance  showed  me  that  something  was  wrong. 
The  Liar  held  an  open  letter  in  his  hand  at 
which  he  was  looking  in  a  dazed  fashion  while 
he  gradually  turned  the  color  of  chalk  under 
his  make-up.  Before  the  audience  was  aware 


1 16       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

that  anything  was  wrong  the  stage  manager, 
furious,  snatched  the  letter  from  the  Liar's 
hand  and  pushed  him  headlong  upon  the  stage. 
This  variation  on  his  usual  entrance  was  com- 
ical, and  the  audience  laughed  heartily.  But 
there  was  consternation  among  all  of  us  who 
figured  in  the  scene.  The  Liar  stood  stupidly 
opening  and  closing  his  large  mouth  without 
uttering  a  word.  I  then  understood  that  the 
shock  of  some  revelation  made  in  the  letter  had 
caused  him  to  forget  his  lines. 

As  often  happens  in  such  cases  the  comedian 
was  so  much  funnier  thus  incapacitated  than 
when  in  the  full  enjoyment  of  his  powers  that 
the  scene  went  better  than  ever  with  the  audi- 
ence. We  pushed  the  Liar  about  the  stage, 
making  him  go  through  the  motions  of  his  part, 
and  managed  to  save  the  scene  from  absolute 
collapse. 

The  moment  the  curtain  was  down  the  Liar 
fell,  gasping,  into  a  chair. 

"What  is  the  matter?"  demanded  a  dozen 
voices. 

"  My  life  has  been  threatened.  I'm  a  dead 
man." 

"  What  has  happened  ?  What  does  he  say  ?  " 
said  Daffy,  pushing  her  way  through  the  circle. 


The  Liar  Forgets  His  Lines       117 

"  He  says  he's  a  dead  man,"  sneered  the  dis- 
gusted stage  manager. 

In  a  moment  Daffy  was  beside  the  frightened 
comedian,  but  he  pushed  her  away. 

"  Go  away,  woman.  You  are  the  cause  of  it. 
My  blood  will  be  on  your  head.  The  letter. 
The  letter.  Where  is  the  letter  ?  " 

"  Here  is  your  letter,"  said  the  stage  manager, 
producing  it ;  "  if  I  ever  catch  you  reading  an- 
other during  the  performance  I'll  fine  you  a 
week's  salary." 

The  Liar  shuddered  as  he  took  the  fatal 
document.  I  looked  over  his  shoulder  and 
read: 

"  SIK  : 

"  Even  the  rattlesnake  gives  warning  be- 
fore he  strikes  his  victim.  Though  more  deadly 
than  the  rattlesnake  I  shall  not  be  less  mag- 
nanimous. Therefore  accept  this  as  your  warn- 
ing. I  am  here.  I  know  all.  I  strike,  and  I 
strike  quickly. 

(Signed)  "JOHN  CUTTER." 

"  Oh,  I'm  a  dead  man,"  groaned  the  miser- 
able object  of  John  Cutter's  approaching  venge- 
ance. 


li8       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  Gee  !  "  ejaculated  Daffy,  otherwise  Mrs. 
John  Cutter,  turning  pale,  yet  evincing  a 
strong  desire  to  comfort  the  Liar  in  his  hour  of 
trouble. 

"  Go  away,  woman,"  said  the  doomed  man  in 
agonized  tones.  "  Even  now  his  eyes  may  be 
upon  us.  Hide  me,  oh,  hide  me  somewhere, 
can't  you?" 

"  We'd  better  hide  him,"  said  Little  Bobby, 
gravely.  "  There  was  a  strange  man  loitering 
about  the  stage  door  when  I  came  in." 

"  Was  he  tall,  with  a  smooth  shaven  face  ?  " 
quavered  the  Liar. 

"  Yes,"  said  Little  Bobby. 

"Young  looking,  with  blue  eyes  and  light 
hair  ?  " 

"  He  was  young  looking  and  he  had  light 
hair,"  replied  Little  Bobby;  "as  to  the  color 
of  his  eyes,  it  was  not  light  enough  " — 

"  It  is  he.  I'm  a  dead  man  all  right.  Save 
me,  some  of  you.  Hide  me — save  me !  " 

"  We'll  surely  have  to  do  something,"  said 
the  Comedienne.  "I  know  John  Cutter. 
There's  no  nonsense  about  him,  I  can  tell  you." 

The  affecting  scene  was  interrupted  by  the 
reappearance  of  our  irrascible  stage  manager 
with  peremptory  orders  for  the  Liar  to  get 


The  Liar  Forgets  His  Lines       1 19 

ready  for  the  second  act  or  hand  in  his  resigna- 
tion. 

"  So  be  it,"  said  the  doomed  man,  rising  with 
a  dramatic  gesture.  "I'm  a  dead  man;  but 
let  it  be  known  to  all  the  world  that  I  died  at 
my  post  of  duty." 

"Die  wherever  you  please,"  snarled  the  stage 
manager;  "but  get  ready  for  the  second  act." 

"  I  suppose  I  may  have  the  privilege  of  tele- 
graphing a  friend  to  come  at  once  and  see  that 
I  have  decent  burial  ?  "  said  the  Liar. 

"Send  as  many  telegrams  as  you  like," 
snapped  the  autocrat ;  "  but  don't  let  me  catch 
you  receiving  any  more  during  the  perform- 
ance." 

We  got  through  the  second  act  somehow, 
though  the  audience  must  have  realized  that 
our  minds  were  not  on  our  tasks.  Daffy  looked 
half  frightened  to  death.  The  Liar  went 
through  his  comedy  scenes  as  though  he  were 
playing  Hamlet.  Oddly  enough,  Little  Bobby 
and  the  Comedienne  whispered  and  giggled  in 
the  most  heartless  and  disgraceful  manner. 

As  I  left  the  stage  at  the  end  of  the  act  I 
found  Lord  Dangerford  standing  in  the  wings. 

"  The  manager  sent  me  around  to  tell  you 
the  latest  war  news,"  said  His  Lordship.  "  The 


no       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

first  detachment  of  United  States  troops  is 
about  to  sail  for  Cuba." 

"  Thank  you  so  much,"  said  I ;  "  but — dear 
me,  Lord  Dangerford,  what  have  you  been 
doing  to  yourself?  " 

A  drop  of  blood  glistened  on  His  Lordship's 
upper  lip,  and  he  was  nursing  his  left  hand  as 
though  it  pained  him. 

"  Oh,  nothing.  Nothing,  I  assure  you. 
Merely  a  little  altercation  outside." 

"  An  altercation  ?  With  whom  ?  Let  me 
look  at  your  hand." 

His  Lordship  objected,  but  I  insisted.  Two 
of  his  knuckles  were  skinned  and  the  nail  of 
his  thumb  was  badly  broken. 

"Dear  me,"  I  said,  "you  must  have  your 
hand  attended  to,  at  once." 

"Which  is  w'ot  we're  'ere  for,  Miss,  this 
werry  hinstant,"  said  a  rough  voice.  And  I 
caught  the  flash  of  something  metallic  thrown 
across  the  injured  hand  I  was  examining. 

Before  His  Lordship  began  the  astonishing 
evolutions  which  occupied  the  next  fifteen  sec- 
onds, filling  the  air  with  the  sound  of  crushing 
blows  and  muffled  curses,  I  saw  that  two  short, 
stout  men  had  approached  him  from  behind 
while  we  were  talking  and  had  endeavored  to 


The  Liar  Forgets  His  Lines       121 

place  handcuffs  on  his  wrists.  This  was  the 
last  detail  of  the  affair  that  was  clear  to  me  un- 
til the  evolutions  of  His  Lordship,  the  sounds  of 
the  blows  and  the  curses  seemed  to  be  merged 
into  the  interesting  spectacle  of  Lord  Danger- 
ford  surrounded  by  a  ring  of  admiring  scene- 
shifters  sitting  on  one  of  his  assailants  and 
holding  the  other,  who  was  all  dazed  and 
bloody,  by  the  collar.  Two  pairs  of  handcuffs 
lay  at  His  Lordship's  feet.  One  of  these  he 
placed  upon  the  wrists  of  his  dazed  captive, 
and  after  a  brief  struggle  the  other  was  treated 
similarly.  The  men  were  covered  with  dust 
and  the  eyes  of  both  were  beginning  to  turn 
black.  Lord  Dangerford  seemed  to  have  suf- 
fered no  further  inconvenience. 

"  Will  you  be  good  enough  to  explain  what 
you  mean  by  attacking  me  twice  in  this  man- 
ner, once  just  before  and  once  after  my  quiet 
and  orderly  entrance  here  with  the  consent  of 
the  manager  of  the  theatre  ?  "  asked  His  Lord- 
ship, composedly. 

"  We're  Pitchers  and  Duff,"  said  one  of  the 
men,  sullenly,  "  from  Scotland  Yard,  an*  we're 
'ere  on  duty." 

There  was  a  sudden  movement  in  the  crowd 
of  stage  people  which  surrounded  Lord  Danger- 


122       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

ford  and  his  captives,  and  the  Liar  was  seen 
pushing  his  way  forward,  screaming : 

"Have  you  got  him?  Don't  let  him  get 
away  or  I'm  a  dead  man !  " 

"  Are  you  the  complainant  in  this  'ere  case  ?  " 
demanded  Mr.  Pitchers,  with  a  dark  look  at  the 
Liar. 

"  Yes,  but  what — where — who  " — 

"  Well,  there's  your  man,"  said  Mr.  Pitchers, 
indicating  His  Lordship.  "  Look  out  for  'im. 
'E's  a  bad  'un,  ain't  'e,  Duff." 

Mr.  Duff  felt  of  his  injured  eye  and  contented 
himself  with  rolling  the  other  one  about  him  in 
an  amazed  manner. 

"This  is  not  John  Cutter,"  said  the  Liar; 
"it's"— 

"Is  'e  tall,  or  ain't  'e?"  demanded  Mr. 
Pitcher,  indignantly. 

"  Yes,"  said  the  Liar ;  "  but  "— 

"  Now  look  a-'ere,"  grumbled  Mr.  Duff,  find- 
ing his  tongue.  "  Is  'e  smooth  shaved  ?  Now 
I  say,  is  'e  smooth  shaved,  or  ain't  'e  ?  " 

"Perhaps  'e  ain't  got  light  hair,"  said  Mr. 
Pitchers  with  biting  sarcasm. 

"  Silence !  "  screamed  the  Liar.  "  As  I'm  a 
dead  man,  this  is  not  my  assassin.  It  is  Lord 
Dangerford." 


The  Liar  Forgets  His  Lines       123 

"  Duff,"  said  Mr.  Pitchers,  fixing  an  accusing 
eye  on  his  partner,  "Duff,  you're  a  bloomink 
hass!" 

"Pitchers,"  said  Mr.  Duff  in  injured  tones, 
"  if  I'm  a  bloomink  hass,  you're  another." 

I  saw  the  Comedienne  and  Little  Bobby 
sneaking  away  together,  and  a  great  light  broke 
in  upon  me. 

"  Stop !  "  I  commanded.  "  Girls,  you  wrote 
that  letter.  Don't  attempt  to  deny  it." 

"  Oh,  did  you  ?  Did  you  ?  Bless  you  !  "  said 
the  delighted  ex-victim  of  John  Cutter's  bloody 
intentions,  including  both  Little  Bobby  and  the 
Comedienne  in  a  single  embrace."  Bless  you  ! 
Then  I'm  not  a  dead  man.  Messrs.  Pitchers 
and  Duff,  it's  all  a  mistake.  I'm  not  a  dead 
man.  Send  in  your  bill." 

"If  you  can  find  the  key  to  those  things," 
said  Lord  Dangerford,  "  I'll  unlock  you  and  you 
can  go  back  to  Scotland  Yard. 

After  Mr.  Pitchers  and  Mr.  Duff  had  ad- 
dressed to  each  other  various  uncomplimentary 
epithets  with  the  apparent  desire  of  conciliating 
His  Lordship,  the  key  of  the  handcuffs  was 
finally  found  and  the  detectives  were  once  more 
in  full  possession  of  their  lawful  rights  and 
privileges. 


124       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  Sir !  "  said  Daffy,  as  the  Liar  cast  a  reassur- 
ing smile  upon  her,  "your  presence  is  distaste- 
ful to  me." 

"  Excuse  me  for  being  alive,"  retorted  the 
Liar,  sullenly. 

"  Whether  you  are  alive  or  dead  is  not  of  the 
slightest  consequence  to  me." 

"You  act  as  though  you  owned  the  whole 
show." 

"No  I  don't,"  said  Daffy,  getting  in  her 
triumphant  last  word,  "  or  you  wouldn't  be  in 
it!" 

Then  I  knew  that  all  was  well  with  us  again. 


CHAPTER  X 

THE  MAN  WHO   KNEW  DICKENS 

"!T  is  most  extraordinary;  I  don't  under- 
stand it  at  all." 

"  London  is  full  of  extraordinary  things,"  said 
the  American  Friend.  "To  which  particular 
extraordinary  thing  do  you  refer  ?  " 

He  had  called  at  the  close  of  a  matinee  per- 
formance to  take  me  to  one  of  the  "  Historical 
Dinners,"  as  he  called  them,  which  he  had 
planned  for  my  enlightenment  on  Saturday 
evenings  between  the  two  performances  of  that 
most  trying  day  of  the  week. 

"  Their  shocking  ignorance,  or  their  criminal 
indifference, — one  is  as  bad  as  the  other, — re- 
garding some  of  their  most  famous  men,"  I 
said. 

"  Don't  be  unjust,  my  dear.  You  forget  about 
our  visit  to  the  site  of  the  old  Globe  Theatre, 
and  the  haunts  of  Shakespeare  and  Ben  Jonson ; 
and  how  everybody  we  met " — 

"  Oh,    I    except    Ben    Jonson,"   I   replied, 

125 


126       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  though  I  don't  understand  why  he  should  be 
remembered  to  the  exclusion  of  his  betters.  As 
for  Shakespeare,  he  is  one  of  those  exceptions 
which  prove  all  rules." 

"It  was  only  a  week  ago  that  we  dined  at 
the  Cheshire  Cheese,"  objected  the  American 
Friend ;  "  and  you  must  have  observed  how 
general  is  the  desire  to  do  honor  to  the  memory 
of  Dr.  Johnson." 

"  It  is  all  on  account  of  that  truckling,  gar- 
rulous old  villain  Boswell,"  I  retorted,  indig- 
nantly. "  Boswell  reminds  me  of  the  moon 
during  an  eclipse  of  the  sun.  I  tell  you,  Bos- 
well is  the  chief  literary  crime  of  the  Nine- 
teenth Century — or  of  the  Eighteenth,  which- 
ever it  was." 

"  If  you  mean  Thackeray  " — 

"  Oh,  Thackeray,  by  all  means,"  I  retorted  in 
my  most  sarcastic  manner.  "  If  Thackeray  had 
lived  to  picture  the  generation  of  snobs  his 
Book  of  Snobs  created,  his  fame  would  endure 
throughout  the  ages.  Why  the  very  cabman 
who  drove  me  to  the  theatre  this  afternoon 
pointed  out  the  house  where  General  New- 
combe  lived,  and  declared  that  he  knew  Pen- 
dennis  '  by  'eart,  mum.'  " 

We   were   standing   outside  the  stage  door 


The  Man  who  Knew  Dickens     127 

waiting  for  the  cab  which  the  American  Friend 
had  signaled.  My  patient  guide  to  the  literary 
haunts  of  London  smiled  down  upon  me  in- 
dulgently. 

"  Come,"  said  he,  "  let  us  look  the  situation 
squarely  in  the  face ;  who  is  this  Sun  of  yours 
which  poor  Boswell  eclipses  when  he  holds  up 
before  it  the  mellow  disc  of  Dr.  Johnson?" 

"  How  can  you,  an  American,  ask  ? "  I  de- 
manded, almost  with  indignation.  "  Of  whom 
are  the  very  sign  boards  eloquent  ?  Why  does 
the  sight  of  St.  Paul's  Churchyard  make  one 
feel  like  shedding  tears  ?  Who  made  the  Tem- 
ple, its  Inns  and  the  Law  Courts  realities  even 
to  the  farmer  boys  of  Minnesota?  Why  did  I 
nearly  fall  off  the  top  of  a  'bus  yesterday  in  my 
anxiety  to  catch  a  glimpse  of  Lincoln's  Inn 
Fields  ?  What  makes  the  very  name  of  Fleet 
Street  eloquent?  How  is  it  that  the  large  sign 
at  the  entrance  to  the  grounds  of  St.  Maryle- 
bones'  Hospital  should  possess  a  fascination 
which  not  even  the  remnant  of  Whitehall  ex- 
erts, though  it  seems  to  bring  us  face  to  face 
with  famous  court  beauties  and  the  most  heart- 
less fop  that  ever  sat  on  the  throne  of  England? 
Whose  magic  pen  was  it  that  made  these  loca- 
tions familiar  in  the  remotest  American  village 


128       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

— almost   on  every  American  farm?     Was  it 
Thackeray's  ?  " 

Again  the  American  Friend  smiled  upon  me. 
I  detected  secret  approval  in  it.  As  we  entered 
the  cab  he  nodded  to  the  driver  and  said : 
"  Jirnpson's." 

"  Come,"  he  said,  "  we  will  go  and  have  a 
chat  with  the  only  man  in  London  who  remem- 
bers Dickens." 

Every  Londoner — every  visitor  to  London 
whose  stomach  asserts  its  supremacy  over  its 
neighboring  vital  organs — knows  Jimpson's. 
At  Jimpson's  you  don't  have  to  throw  your- 
self on  the  merciful  generosity  of  an  autocrat 
inhabiting  some  distant  part  of  the  establish- 
ment who  does  the  carving.  This  functionary, 
wearing  a  bland  smile  of  welcome,  and  armed 
with  a  large,  keen  knife,  pushes  up  to  your 
elbow  on  a  wheeled  table  the  whole  huge 
steaming  joint  from  which  you  have  elected 
to  take  the  major  portion  of  your  repast.  Hav- 
ing served  you  with  a  juicy  slice  large  enough 
to  fill  two  stomachs  of  the  capacity  of  your 
own,  he  retires,  but  does  not  make  his  exit. 
No ;  from  a  discreet  distance  he  takes  observa- 
tions of  the  progress  you  are  making,  ready  on 
the  first  indication  that  your  capacity  is  rising 


The  Man  who  Knew  Dickens     129 

to  the  opportunity  to  bear  down  upon  you  again 
with  the  bland  smile,  the  large  keen  knife  and 
the  wheeled  table  groaning  under  the  steaming 
joint.  If  ever  a  diner  out  was  seen  to  "  swell 
wisibly  before  one's  werry  eyes  "  that  spectacle 
undoubtedly  had  Jimpson's  for  its  scene  of  ac- 
tion. 

Accordingly,  one  may  not  expect  to  be  ac- 
commodated with  an  exclusive  table  at  Jimp- 
son's.  In  fact,  a  disposition  so  foreign  to  the 
Jimpson  spirit  persisted  in  at  more  than  two 
successive  visits  would,  without  doubt,  result 
in  the  offender  being  denied  further  enjoyment 
of  Jimpson  privileges.  Nor  would  this  sum- 
mary act  of  justice  proceed  necessarily  from  the 
bland  autocrat  of  the  wheeled  table  and  the 
knife.  The  offender  would  read  his  doom  in 
the  outraged  glances  of  the  owners  of  all  the 
capacious  stomachs  then  doing  their  duty  by 
Jimpson.  Entering  in  the  proper  Jimpson 
spirit  you  seem  to  see  all  these  noble  stomachs 
extending  toward  you,  figuratively  speaking, 
the  hand  of  good  fellowship,  as  though  they 
would  say :  "  Ah,  another  one  of  us.  Enter, 
good  Sir  Stomach.  Your  brother  stomachs  wel- 
come you  with  joy.  Wherever  you  find  a  space 
sufficient  to  contain  you,  making  due  allowance 


130       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

for  proper  and  worthy  distention  as  the  meal 
progresses,  there,  good  Sir  Stomach,  place  your- 
self, and,  notifying  your  servant,  Brain,  that 
your  Gastric  Juices  are  ready  for  action,  defy 
the  world ! " 

Such,  indeed,  seemed  to  be  what  the  fair, 
round  stomach  adjoining  the  only  two  vacant 
places  at  Jimpson's  was  endeavoring  to  express 
as  we  entered.  We  lost  no  time  in  accepting 
the  invitation.  I  noticed  immediately  that  this 
friendly  stomach  was  surmounted  by  a  large, 
shaggy  head  upon  the  front  of  which  nature 
had  painted  a  countenance  at  once  intelligent, 
amiable  and  exceedingly  shrewd.  Though  it 
was  evident  that  they  were  entire  strangers  the 
American  Friend  and  this  gentleman  exchanged 
cordial  greetings  as  he  made  room  for  us.  I  set 
this  down  to  the  Jimpson  atmosphere.  The 
autocrat  of  the  carving  knife  lost  no  time  in 
exercising  his  function  on  our  behalf;  nor  did 
we  in  rising  to  the  opportunity.  This  latter 
fact  seemed  to  be  noted  with  special  gratifica- 
tion by  the  white-haired  attendant  who  had 
welcomed  us  at  the  door.  Presently  he  came 
to  our  table  and  busied  himself  with  some  un- 
important details  of  the  service. 


The  Man  who  Knew  Dickens     131 

"  Good-evening,  Charles,"  said  the  American 
Friend;  "how  are  you  feeling  this  evening?  " 

"  Pretty  well,  sir,  for  an  old  man.  Goin'  on 
eighty,  sir." 

"  You  don't  think  of  retiring,  Charles,  I  hope. 
Jimpson's  wouldn't  be  Jimpson's  without  you." 

"  Thankee,  sir.  Have  a  pinch  out  of  the  old 
box,  sir  ?  " 

The  old  fellow  had  taken  from  his  pocket  an 
ancient  silver  snuff  box,  which  he  stroked 
fondly  with  his  wrinkled  hand  and  then  offered 
it  to  the  American  Friend.  I  noticed  an  amused 
glance  pass  between  the  latter  and  the  shrewd- 
faced  gentleman,  whereupon  the  American 
Friend  said : 

"What  have  we  here,  Charles?  A  souve- 
nir? A  token  of  faithful  services  rendered 
some  great  patron  of  the  past  ?  Haven't  I  seen 
this  box  before,  Charles?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  indeed,  sir ;  the  last  time  you  were 
'ere,  sir." 

"  Ah,  now  I  remember.  This  is  the  box  pre- 
sented to  you  by  Leigh  Hunt — or  was  it  Thack- 
eray ?  " 

"  Oh,  no,  sir ;  not  at  all  sir.  Mr.  Hunt  was 
too  'ard  up  mostly,  sir,  to  give  away  silver  snuff 
boxes.  Mr.  Thackeray  'e  gave  me  a  pipe,  sir — 


132       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

genooine  French  briar,  sir.  Perhaps  you'll 
kindly  look  at  the  inscription  on  the  bottom  of 
the  box,  sir?" 

The  American  Friend  took  the  box  and  ex- 
amined it  with  extreme  care,  the  result  of  the 
examination  being  awaited  by  its  owner  with  a 
smile  of  confident  and  pleasant  antieipation. 

"  Why,  what  is  this,  Charles  ?  Not  Dickens ! 
You  don't  mean  that  the  author  of  David  Cop- 
perfield  gave  you  this  snuff  box  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  sir;  indeed,  sir.  His  Lordship  will 
tell  you  that  there's  no  doubt  about  it.  Charles 
Dickens  gave  me  the  box  with  his  own  hand, 
sir,  saying  as  I  took  it:  '"Oping,  Charles,  that 
you'll  live  to  sneeze  into  it  till  you're  a  hun- 
dred.' Those  were  'is  hidentical  words,  sir." 

"  Quite  so,"  said  the  shrewd-faced  gentleman 
addressed  as  "  His  Lordship."  "  Charles  tells 
the  exact  truth."  And  he  returned  to  his  third 
slice  of  Southdown  saddle  of  mutton. 

My  mutton  had  suddenly  lost  its  charm.  I 
turned  eagerly  to  the  owner  of  the  snuff  box : 

"  Did  you  see  Dickens  often  ?  Did  he  make 
a  habit  of  dining  here?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  mum.  'E  was  very  fond  of  coming 
'ere  for  his  bit  o'  mutton  and  lettuce  salad.  I 
always  waited  on  him.  Mr.  Dickens,  Mr.  Thack- 


The  Man  who  Knew  Dickens     133 

eray,  Mr.  Hunt,  sometimes  Mr.  DeQuincey — 
though  Mr.  DeQuincey's  stomach  was  'ardly  up 
to  our  'earty  serving,  mum — Mr.  Forster  and 
Mr.  Leach,  always  'ad  to  'ave  '  Charles '  wait  on 
'em.  Oh,  yes,  indeed,  mum." 

"But  Dickens.  What  was  he  like?  What 
did  he  say  ?  Didn't  all  the  others  seem  to  hang 
on  his  words  as  though  afraid  to  miss  a  precious 
syllable  ?  " 

"  'E  was  not  very  tall,  mum — about  medium 
— with  a  full  beard,  and  very  active  on  'is  feet. 
'E  warn't  very  solid  in  'is  conversation,  mum. 
Mr.  Thackeray,  now" — 

"  Never  mind  about  Thackeray,"  I  said,  some- 
what rudely,  I  fear;  "I  am  an  American, 
Charles.  In  America  there  are  a  hundred  who 
know  and  love  Dickens  to  one  who  has  even 
heard  of  Thackeray." 

"  So  the  Hamericans  all  tell  me,"  said  the  old 
waiter,  shaking  his  grey  head  dubiously.  "  You 
see,  mum,  you  don't  'ave  any  haristocracy  in 
America." 

"Charles,  Charles,"  said  I,  "how  can  you 
prate  about  the  aristocracy,  you  who  had  the 
great  honor  of  knowing  the  creator  of  Little 
Nell,  poor  Paul  Dombey,  Smike,  Dick  Swivel- 


134       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

ler,  Newman  Noggs,  Peggoty,  the  Cheeryble 
Brothers,  and  all  their  dear  companions?" 

Charles  looked  at  the  American  Friend,  as 
though  at  a  loss  what  answer  to  make. 

"Characters  in  Dickens'  novels,  Charles — 
The  Old  Curiosity  Shop,  Dombey  and  Son, 
Nicholas  Nickleby,  and  so  on." 

"Certainly,  mum,"  said  the  owner  of  the 
souvenir  snuff  box,  brightening  up ;  "  'e  always 
gave  me  one  of  his  books  as  soon  as  they  was 
out.  They're  all,  every  one,  on  my  shelves  at 
'ome.  Some  day  I  shall  read  'em;  certainly, 
mum,  most  certainly.  'Ave  a  bit  of  snuff  out 
of  the  old  box,  sir,  I  must  be  goin'  to  look  after 
the  other  guests,  sir." 

Solemnly  and  with  becoming  reverence  the 
American  Friend  and  the  shrewd-faced  gentle- 
man took  small  pinches  of  the  contents  of  the 
souvenir  snuff  box,  sneezed  respectfully,  and 
dropped  each  a  silver  half  crown  into  the  ex- 
pectant palm  of  the  man  who  knew  Dickens, 
who  had  all  of  the  great  author's  novels  "on 
his  shelves,"  and  had  never  seen  the  inside  of 
one  of  them !  I  felt  that  my  face  was  red  with 
indignation. 

"Well,"  said  the  American  Friend,  "you've 
met  the  man  who  knew  Dickens." 


The  Man  who  Knew  Dickens     135 

"And  what  is  more,"  I  retorted  sharply,  "I 
am  now  convinced  that  he  represents  the  aver- 
age literary  intelligence  of  his  countrymen. 
The  other  night  when  our  flag  and  the  Union 
Jack  floated  side  by  side  at  the  theatre,  and  we 
poor  painted  creatures  of  the  stage  were  cheered 
by  the  audience  because  we  belonged  to  the  na- 
tion that  had  given  Dewey,  the  greatest  of 
naval  heroes,  to  the  world,  I  thought  how  nat- 
ural and  proper  it  would  be  for  these  great  sis- 
ter nations — the  one  that  produced  Nelson  and 
the  one  that  produced  Dewey — to  stand  shoul- 
der to  shoulder  henceforth,  for  civilization  and 
humanity.  But  now  " — I  paused,  confused  by 
the  quizzical,  yet  approving  glance  the  shrewd- 
faced  gentleman  was  bending  upon  me. 

"But  now?"  he  repeated,  encouragingly. 

"But  now  I  am  in  grave  doubt,"  I  resumed, 
half  defiantly.  "How  could  we  have  entire 
confidence  in  a  nation  that  only  half  knows,  and 
does  not  understand  nor  appreciate  at  all,  its 
own  Dickens?" 

"My  dear  young  lady,"  said  the  shrewd- 
faced  gentleman,  rising  from  the  table,  "you 
will  think  better  of  us.  I  hope  to  live  to  see 
the  day  when  America  and  England  do  stand 
shoulder  to  shoulder,  for  civilization  and  hu- 


136       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

inanity,  as  you  well  express  it,  against  the  rest 
of  the  world."  He  smiled  as  he  was  depart- 
ing, and  added :  "  It  is  a  pity  that  you,  who 
have  such  clear  perceptions  of  what  is  natural, 
and  what  is  calculated  most  to  benefit  humanity, 
should  not  bend  your  talent  toward  their  reali- 
zation— instead  of  allowing  yourself  to  become 
incensed  over  small  differences  of  tempera- 
ment." 

"Ah,  I  always  felt  it  in  my  bones,"  said  the 
American  Friend,  gazing  upon  me  admiringly. 

"  What  have  you  always  felt  in  your  bones  ?" 
I  asked. 

"  That  you  were  born  to  shine  in  diplomatic 
circles,  my  dear.  The  expression  you  wrung 
from  the  gentleman  who  has  just  now  left  us 
would  create  the  biggest  kind  of  a  sensation  in 
Washington.  If  you  are  a  patriot — if  you 
truly  love  your  country — all  the  ships  in  our 
navy  could  not  accomplish  more  than  you  would 
in  having  that  expression  made  publicly." 

"I'll  do  it,"  I  said  excitedly,  feeling  a  sudden 
presentiment  of  the  influence  I  was  so  shortly 
to  wield  in  high  places.  "  Who  was  the  gentle- 
man that  just  left  us  ?  " 

"The  Marquis  of  Silsbury,"  said  the  Ameri- 
can Friend. 


CHAPTER  XI 

THE  ASCOT   CUP 

IN  view  of  my  great  patriotic  ambition  in- 
spired by  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury's  eloquent 
words,  I  felt  justified  in  breaking  my  promise  to 
Prue.  Upon  her  representation  that  our  small 
savings  were  not  only  exhausted  but  that  I  was 
in  debt  to  the  management  to  the  amount  of 
nearly  a  hundred  pounds,  I  had  agreed  to  deny 
myself  the  Ascot  Cup  extravagance.  Now  I 
felt  that  it  would  be  criminal  in  me  to  miss  such 
an  opportunity  of  becoming  further  acquainted 
with  the  flower  of  the  British  aristocracy. 
Certainly,  without  such  an  acquaintance  all  my 
efforts  in  the  diplomatic  line  would  be  in  vain. 
Besides,  what  other  chance,  half  so  encouraging, 
was  I  likely  to  have  to  meet  the  Marquis  him- 
self and  lay  the  foundations  of  a  friendship  that 
would  be  useful — yes,  useful  to  my  country ! 

"  Prue,"  I  said  in  my  firmest  tones,  as  I  fin- 
ished my  coffee,  "  Prue,  I  am  very  sorry,  but  I 
have  a  duty  to  perform  which  requires  my 
presence  at  the  races  to-day." 

"  You  have  also  a  duty  which  you  owe  to  the 
137 


138       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

green  grocer,  and  another  to  the  butcher,"  said 
Prue,  with  equal  firmness. 

"  The  green  grocer  and  the  butcher  will  have 
to  wait,  Prue.  It  is  their  habit  to  wait.  It  is 
their  duty  to  wait,  since  they  charge  us  for 
waiting  whether  we  make  them  wait  or  not. 
But  our  war  with  Spain  is  something  that  can- 
not be  made  to  wait." 

"  What  has  our  war  with  Spain  to  do  with 
the  matter?"  I  saw  with  secret  satisfaction 
that  Prue's  astonishment  had  disarmed  her.  So 
I  replied,  composedly : 

"  A  word  from  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury  will 
convince  the  world  that  Her  Majesty's  ships  and 
sailors  are  ours  for  the  asking ;  the  Marquis 
of  Silsbury  will  be  at  the  races  to-day ;  I  shall 
induce  him  to  say  that  word." 

Prue  opened  her  mouth  once  or  twice,  finally 
closing  it  with  a  snap.  It  remained  closed 
until,  dressed  and  ready  to  enter  the  waiting 
hansom,  I  said : 

"  How  much  ready  money  have  we,  Prue  ?  " 

"  One  five-pound  note,  a  shilling  and  nine 
pence  ha'penny." 

"You  may  keep  the  shilling  and  nine  pence 
ha'penny,"  said  I.  "  Give  me  the  five-pound 
note.  I'll  make  the  Artiste  pay  the  cabman." 


The  Ascot  Cup  139 

I  did  not  tell  Prue  that  as  we  would  be  in 
the  generous  hands  of  the  American  Friend  and 
Teddy — the  latter  being  somewhat  celebrated 
as  "the  deputy  American  Friend" — my  five- 
pound  note  would  remain  intact  for  investment 
on  the  winner.  I  felt  that  Fortune  could  not 
be  blind  to  such  patriotism  as  mine,  and  I  pic- 
tured to  myself  Prue's  surprise  when,  on  my  re- 
turn, I  replenished  our  lean  exchequer  from  the 
golden  shower  of  my  winnings. 

I  picked  up  the  Artiste  at  her  house.  The 
American  Friend  and  Teddy,  his  deputy,  were 
waiting  for  us  at  the  station.  A  little  more 
than  an  hour  later  we  were  seated  comfortably 
on  a  drag  stationed  within  easy  view  of  the 
Royal  Box. 

We  were  not  early.  The  Enclosure  was 
crowded  and  brilliant  with  the  exquisite  gowns 
of  aristocratic  ladies,  among  which  stalked 
solemnly  the  black  frock  coats  and  high  hats  of 
their  husbands  and  lovers.  There  was  no  dif- 
ficulty in  distinguishing  the  husbands  from  the 
lovers.  The  high  hats  told  the  story.  On  the 
heads  of  the  husbands  they  were  dignifiedly 
upright,  as  became  hats  accustomed  to  rule 
British  domestic  hearths ;  on  the  heads  of  the 


140        The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

lovers  they  leaned  tenderly  over  the  gayest  of 
the  Ascot  gowns.  Oh,  indiscreet  top  hats  ! 

Presently  I  caught  sight  of  a  top  hat  that  was 
not  so  easily  classified.  It  was  in  close  proxi- 
mity to  one  of  the  gayest  gowns  in  the  En- 
closure, but  it  neither  tilted  tenderly  above  it 
nor  yet  stood  proudly  upright.  Soon  the 
mystery  was  cleared  away ;  the  gown  covered 
disdainful  shoulders  of  the  Countess  Pipedreme, 
and  the  hat  the  indifferent  head  of  Lord  Dan- 
gerford.  One  sees  some  things  most  clearly  at 
a  distance.  I  became  suddenly  aware  that  the 
indifference  expressed  in  the  attitude  of  His 
Lordship's  hat  related  to  Countess  Pipedreme ;  I 
already  knew  that  the  Countess'  shoulders  were 
never  so  disdainful  as  when  in  my  presence.  It 
was  plain  that  His  Lordship  had  noticed  our  ar- 
rival and  that  the  Countess  was  not  anxious  to 
share  his  attentions  with  one  in  my  humble 
sphere. 

Meanwhile  the  Artiste  was  chattering  away 
conveying  volumes  of  information  regarding 
the  titled  personages  present.  The  Artiste 
was  no  stranger  to  London.  This  was  her 
third  visit ;  but  from  her  familiarity  with  the 
outward  aspect  of  nobility  one  would  have  im- 
agined her  a  native. 


The  Ascot  Cup  141 

"  Over  there  by  the  Royal  Box,"  she  was  say- 
ing ;  "  the  lady  in  pale  grey  covered  with  em- 
broidery, in  the  dark  blue  bonnet, — that  is  the 
Duchess  of  Devonshire.  Doesn't  the  Duchess 
of  Westminster  look  sweet  ?  That  is  she  in  the 
dark  velvet  with  jeweled  embroideries.  The 
handsome  lady  in  black  with  white  showing 
through  the  lace  insertion  is  the  Duchess  of 
Manchester.  Oh,  and  there  is  the  Duchess  of 
Portland — the  one  in  black  lace  over  white. 
You  may  recognize  her  by  the  bunch  of  pink 
malmaisons  she  carries.  She  always  carries 
them.  I  wonder  why.  I  shall  find  out  some- 
time." 

"  Who  is  the  lady  in  dark  blue  with  the 
purple  boa  ?  "  I  asked.  "  I'm  sure  I've  met 
her  somewhere." 

"  You  haven't  met  her,  my  dear,"  replied  the 
Artiste.  "  You've  simply  seen  her  pictures  in 
the  newspapers  at  home  so  often  that  you  im- 
agine you've  met  her.  That  is  the  American 
wife  of  Lord  Randolph  Churchill.  Oh,  here 
comes  Lord  Dangerford.  My  dear,  do  you 
know  that  he  is  heir  to  the  title  and  estates  of 
the  old  Marquis  of  Tidewater  ?  " 

No ;  I  now  heard  for  the  first  time  of  His 
Lordship's  exalted  prospects.  Now  I  under- 


142       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

stood.  Countess  Pipedreme  was  ambitious  to 
become  a  Marchioness.  How  the  example  of 
Lord  Randolph  Churchill  must  worry  her ! 

"  And  Countess  Pipedreme  is  tacked  onto 
him  as  usual,"  said  Teddy,  with  a  grin  in  my 
direction. 

"Who  is  Countess  Pipedreme?"  I  asked. 
"  Nobody  seems  to  know  where  she  comes  from." 

"That's  because  she  comes  from  nowhere," 
said  Teddy. 

"I  wonder  where  she  got  her  title,"  I  said; 
"  I  never  heard  of  a  Count  Pipedreme." 

"  She  dreamed  it,"  said  Teddy.  "  Of  all  the 
numerous  ways  of  obtaining  titles  that  is  the 
easiest." 

At  this  instant  there  was  a  sudden  movement 
toward  the  Royal  Box. 

"  The  Prince  !  "  exclaimed  the  Artiste. 

The  Royal  procession  was  smaller  and  duller 
than  I  had  been  led  to  anticipate.  The  only 
bright  thing  about  it  was  the  scarlet-coated 
escort  of  Horse  Guards.  But  I  thought  the 
Princess  of  Wales  beautiful.  As  she  smiled 
and  bowed  to  the  Duchesses  of  Portland  and 
Manchester  it  did  not  seem  to  me  that  she  could 
be  a  day  over  thirty ;  and  how  sweet  was  her 
expression!  She  wore  black  embroidered  in 


The  Ascot  Cup  143 

white,  with  a  mauve  boa,  and  a  mauve  bonnet 
with  a  red  rose  tucked  in  at  the  back.  Beside 
her  was  Princess  Christian  in  a  covert  coat  with 
a  dark  skirt.  The  Duke  of  Connaught  was  with 
the  Prince.  As  the  procession  approached  the 
Royal  Box  I  heard  the  Artiste  saying : 

"The  Prince  looks  handsome  and  amiable, 
doesn't  he.  But  what  is  the  reason,  I  wonder, 
for  that  odd  movement  of  the  muscles  of  his 
face  and  of  his  right  eye — almost  as  though  he 
was  winking  good-naturedly  at  some  one  ?  " 

"  That's  not  difficult  to  explain,"  said  the  ever- 
ready  Teddy.  "  For  more  than  forty  years  the 
Prince  has  spent  so  much  of  his  time  lifting  his 
hat  and  bowing  and  smiling  from  his  carriage 
that  the  motions  have  become  mechanical." 

The  Prince  of  Wales  and  the  Duke  of  Con- 
naught  were  soon  seen  moving  about  the  En- 
closure talking  to  their  friends.  I  saw  the 
Prince  smilingly  return  Lord  Dangerford's  dif- 
fident salutation.  Then  His  Lordship,  with 
Countess  Pipedreme  still  as  his  elbow,  came  up 
to  our  drag  and  shook  hands  cordially.  The 
Countess  merely  nodded  coolly,  saying  an  indis- 
tinct word  or  two,  then,  half  turning  toward  the 
Royal  Box,  appeared  oblivious  to  the  conversa- 
tion that  followed. 


144       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  This  is  an  unexpected  pleasure,"  said  Lord 
Dangerford.  "  I  imagined  you  too  serious-minded 
to  think  of  wasting  a  day  amid  such  frivolities 
as  these." 

"  My  conscience  is  easy,"  said  I.  "  Am  I  not 
justified  in  my  frivolity  by  the  examples  of  the 
Prince  of  Wales,  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury,  Lord 
Dangerford  " — 

"  But  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury  is  not  here," 
interrupted  His  Lordship,  smiling.  "  Report 
says  His  Lordship  is  detained  by  pressing  af- 
fairs of  state." 

"  Oh,  I'm  so  sorry.  I  would  not  have  come 
if  I  had  known  this." 

His  Lordship  looked  chagrined,  and  I  no- 
ticed by  the  curve  of  the  Countess'  cheek  that 
she  was  smiling. 

"  You  must  know,  Lord  Dangerford,"  I  has- 
tened to  add,  "  that  I  am  here  for  precisely  the 
same  reason  that  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury  re- 
mains away." 

"Affairs  of  state?  Really,  Miss  Casino,  I 
am  not  surprised.  A  little  unofficial  diplomacy 
on  your  part  might  do  your  country  a  deal  of 
good  just  now." 

"  Are  you  in  earnest  ?  "  I  asked,  eagerly. 

«  Perfectly." 


The  Ascot  Cup  145 

I  thought  I  noticed  the  Countess  prick  up  her 
ears  at  this. 

"  And  I  am  right  in  seeking  an  opportunity 
to  gain  the  friendship  of  the  Marquis  of  Sils- 
buiy?" 

"  You  could  not  do  better.  You  know  that 
it  is  not  necessary  for  any  official  action  to  be 
taken.  An  unofficial  word  spoken  in  public  by 
the  right  person — a  word  showing  that  the 
sympathies  of  Her  Majesty's  subjects  are  with 
their  kinsmen,  the  Americans, — would  have  an 
effect  on  the  Powers  almost  as  great  as  the 
signing  of  a  treaty  of  alliance." 

I  gave  His  Lordship  a  look  of  gratitude. 
"Oh,  dear  Lord  Dangerford,  how  glad  I  am 
that  you  think  so.  And  do  you  really  think 
that  a  poor  girl,  with  nothing  to  recommend 
her  except  a  patriotism  as  strong  as  that  of  any 
of  her  sisters  or  brothers,  could  exert  an  influ- 
ence that  would  help  " — 

"  Yes.  Her  wit  might  discover  the  place  and 
the  opportunity ;  and  her  influence  would  pre- 
vent the  opportunity  from  being  missed  through 
indolence  or  forgetfulness." 

"Lord  Dangerford,"  I  said,  "may  I  have  the 
great  advantage  of  your  introduction  to  the 
Marquis  of  Silsbury  ?  " 


146       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

Countess  Pipedreme  turned  sharply  about 
and  fixed  her  round  eyes  on  His  Lordship's 
troubled  countenance.  He  replied  hesitatingly : 

"  Believe  me,  Miss  Casino,  there  are  reasons 
— just  at  present — reasons  which  you  could 
hardly  appreciate,  why  I  cannot " — 

"My  dear,"  broke  in  the  Countess,  almost 
cordially,  "  don't  let  that  trouble  you.  There 
are  plenty  of  others  who  will  be  glad  to  do  you 
this  service — as  I  dare  say  you  will  discover  be- 
fore the  day  is  over.  Lord  Dangerford,  shall 
we  rejoin  the  Duchess?" 

His  Lordship  bowed  to  me  with,  I  thought,  a 
flash  of  appeal  in  his  eyes,  and,  giving  his  arm 
to  the  Countess,  they  made  their  way  toward 
the  Royal  Box.  The  Countess  stopped  on  the 
way  to  say  a  confidential  word  to  the  Earl  of 
Drippingeaves.  During  the  next  ten  minutes 
I  saw  her  bright-colored  bonnet  bobbing  about 
here  and  there.  She  seemed  to  be  in  high  favor 
with  most  of  the  young  noblemen  in  the  En- 
closure. 

"  How  do  you  do,  Miss  Casino  ?  Delighted, 
I'm  sure." 

The  Earl  of  Drippingeaves  was  standing  be- 
side our  drag  reaching  up  to  me  a  set  of  slen- 
der, jeweled  fingers.  We  shook  hands. 


The  Ascot  Cup  147 

"  Awfully  glad  to  meet  you,"  said  the  Earl. 
"  Been  trying  to  see  you  for  a  week.  Want 
you  to  come  to  our  reception  at  the  Club.  Ex- 
clusive. Best  people  only.  The  Duchess  of 
Edgecombe,  Lord  Dangerford,  the  Honorable 
Mrs.  Pebblestone,  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury. 
Perhaps  you'll  sing  something — Lady  Dunsta- 
ble  and  Countess  Pipedreme  contribute  to  the 
programme,  you  know." 

"  On  what  evening  ?  "  I  asked.  "  Perhaps  I 
can  come  after  the  theatre." 

"  Say  the  word,  Miss  Casino,  and  I'll  call  for 
you.  Delighted." 

"  If  you  will  present  me  to  the  Marquis  of 
Silsbury,"  said  I,  "I'll  sing  as  much  as  you 
like.  But  I  wouldn't  think  of  troubling  Your 
Lordship  to  call  for  me." 

"  No  trouble,  really." 

I  shook  my  head.  I  had  heard  a  great  deal 
about  the  Earl's  habit  of  personally  conducting 
ladies  of  the  stage. 

"  Cruelty,  thy  name  is  woman ! "  said  the 
Earl  with  a  languishing  glance. 

But  I  sent  him  about  his  business.  And  soon 
I  was  heartily  glad  of  it,  for,  during  the  next 
half  hour,  four  of  the  most  dissipated  young 
noblemen  in  London,  who  still,  somehow,  hung 


148       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

onto  the  skirts  of  respectability,  called  on  me, 
one  at  a  time,  with  pressing  invitations  to  sup- 
pers of  dubious  propriety,  to  excursions  to 
places  I  had  never  heard  of,  and  even  to  mid- 
night revels  in  some  gentleman's  chambers. 
And  when  the  last  of  this  delectable  procession 
had  thrown  out  the  bait  of  an  introduction  to 
the  Marquis  of  Silsbury,  the  scales  suddenly 
fell  from  my  eyes. 

The  Countess  Pipedreme  was  striking  at  my 
reputation  with  the  weapon  I  had  thoughtlessly 
placed  in  her  hand.  Very  well,  I  now  knew 
how  to  parry  the  stroke.  I  would  be  taken 
suddenly  ill  on  the  night  of  the  Earl's  "  recep- 
tion," which  I  now  divined  was  the  polite  name 
he  had  given  to  an  orgy  planned  to  meet  the 
occasion.  Of  course  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury 
would  not  be  there.  I  could  picture  to  myself 
the  hypocritical  sorrow  with  which  the  Earl  of 
Drippingeaves  would  announce  the  Marquis' 
regrets. 

Having  nipped  this  little  conspiracy  in  the 
bud,  my  spirits  rose  several  degrees.  Book- 
makers were  moving  about  naming  the  odds 
they  offered  on  the  horses  now  about  to  start 
in  the  great  race  of  the  day.  I  opened  my 
purse  and  beckoned  to  one  of  them. 


The  Ascot  Cup  149 

Teddy  seized  me  by  the  arm.  "Don't  do 
that,"  he  said. 

"Why  not?" 

"  These  fellows  are  welchers." 

"  What  is  a  welcher  ?  " 

"A  dishonest  'bookie.'  He'll  take  your 
money,  and  when  you've  lost  he'll  come  back 
politely  and  tell  you  so." 

"  But  if  I  win  ?  " 

"  You  can't  win." 

"  But  if  my  horse  comes  in  first?  " 

"  That  doesn't  matter." 

"  If  my  horse  comes  in  first  I  win." 

"  I  say  you  can't  win,"  repeated  Teddy,  ear- 
nestly. 

"Why  not?" 

"  Because  the  welcher  can't  lose.  He  can't 
afford  to.  If  your  horse  comes  in  first  your 
'  bookie '  '  welches  ' — that  is  to  say,  he  forgets 
all  about  you.  You  never  see  him  again." 

"  Do  you  mean  to  say  that  the  law  " — 

"  First  catch  your  welcher." 

"  I  shouldn't  think  his  life  would  be  safe  in 
such  a  crowd." 

"It  isn't,"  said  Teddy,  with  a  grin;  "but  he 
takes  his  chances." 

"  But  I  want  to  bet,"  said  I. 


150       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  All  right,  I'll  place  your  money  for  you." 

"  Thank  you  so  much." 

I  gave  him  my  five-pound  note.  "  Masque 
II.  to  win ;  Bay  Ronald  for  place ;  half  on  each." 

Teddy  whistled.     "Did  you  dream  it?" 

"  I  like  their  looks,"  said  I.  "  And  look  at 
the  odds." 

"  If  they-  get  in  at  all  it  will  be  sometime  to- 
morrow," said  Teddy. 

"  Nevertheless  it  goes,"  said  I. 

Teddy  whistled  again.  He  leaned  over  and 
spoke  to  one  or  two  sporty  persons  standing 
near  our  drag,  but  didn't  leave  his  seat. 

"Well,  you've  a  fighting  chance,"  he  said, 
finally.  "  It  will  be  a  good  haul.  I  wish  I  had 
your  nerve." 

"But  why  don't  you  place  my  money?"  I 
said.  "  The  horses  are  at  the  post." 

"  Your  money's  placed,"  said  Teddy. 

I  wasn't  quite  sure,  but  I  thought  he  winked 
at  the  American  Friend. 

At  that  instant  they  were  off.  It  didn't 
seem  to  me  that  I  breathed  until  it  was  over. 
What  would  I  say  to  Prue  ? 

"Just  as  I  said,"  remarked  Teddy,  with  a 
compassionate  glance  ;  "  your  horses  will  be  in 
sometime  to-morrow." 


The  Ascot  Cup  151 

"It  is  some  satisfaction  to  know,"  said  I, 
"  that  my  five-pound  note  will  not  help  to  en- 
rich a  welcher." 

"  Yes,"  assented  Teddy.  "  You  could  look  a 
long  time  before  you  would  find  a  more  honest 
man  than  the  one  that's  pocketed  your  five 
pounds." 

The  American  Friend  laughed. 

"I'm  glad  of  it,"  said  I;  "I'd  like  to  meet 
him." 

"  You  have,"  said  Teddy.  And  he  took  from 
his  vest  pocket  my  bank  note  and  offered  it  to 
me  with  his  best  bow. 

"But  if  I  had  won?" 

"Teddy  would  have  paid  up  like  a  man," 
said  the  American  Friend. 

"I  knew  you  couldn't  win,"  said  Teddy, 
modestly,  trying  to  force  the  money  on  me. 

Of  course  I  couldn't  accept  it.  But  neither 
could  I  prevent  Teddy  from  taking  us  all  to  the 
Tower  of  Babel  to  dinner  on  our  return  from 
the  races ;  so  that,  financially  speaking,  I  had 
the  better  of  him,  after  all. 

This  merry  ending  of  a  day,  which  at  one 
time  threatened  me  with  serious  loss  of  reputa- 
tion through  the  machinations  of  Countess 
Pipedreme,  convinced  me  that  after  all  old 


152       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

friends,  however  humble,  should  be  clung  to 
and  cherished  to  the  sacrifice,  if  necessary,  of 
apparently  the  most  brilliant  prospects. 

But  I  hadn't  the  slightest  intention  of  aban- 
doning my  designs  upon  the  Marquis  of  Sils- 
bury  for  all  that. 


CHAPTER  XII 

"'APPY  'OME  IN  CLAPHAM" 

MY  Ascot  Cup  experience  had  an  amusing 
sequel,  which,  for  the  space  of  twenty-four 
hours,  rendered  me  oblivious  to  my  diplomatic 
responsibilities.  Sometimes  when  I  think  of 
the  frequency  with  which  my  naturally  serious 
mind  is  diverted  from  its  most  worthy  pursuits 
by  the  odd  and  humorous  aspects  of  humanity 
that  come  under  my  observation  I  almost  fear 
that  these  memoirs,  instead  of  challenging  the 
respect  of  the  thoughtful,  will  have  general  ac- 
ceptance only  in  the  Pickwickian  sense.  How- 
ever, I  shall  be  consoled  by  the  reflection  that 
I  have  at  all  times  held  the  mirror  up  to  na- 
ture, and  that  truth  is  mighty  and  will  prevail. 

On  the  Saturday  night  following  Cup  Day  I 
was  standing  back  of  the  scenes  dressed  and 
ready  for  the  curtain  to  rise  on  the  last  act. 

"  My  dear,"  said  the  Comedienne,  approach- 
ing from  the  direction  of  the  stage  door,  "did 
you  lose  your  purse  at  the  races  ?  " 

"Yes,"  I  replied;  "Mr.  Squibs  made  a  note 
of  it  in  the  Gazette  this  morning." 
153 


154       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  Well,  there's  a  very  agitated  person  at  the 
door  who  insists  on  seeing  you  about  it." 

"  Perhaps  the  honest  man  found  my  purse," 
said  I.  "  There  wasn't  sixpence  in  it,  but  he 
deserves  a  reward  just  the  same." 

The  Comedienne  and  I  went  to  the  door  and 
had  the  man  admitted  to  the  stage.  He  was  a 
lank,  long-faced  person  of  the  shabby  genteel 
class.  There  were  lines  in  his  face  which  I 
readily  interpreted  as  meaning  that  he  was  the 
father  of  six,  and  the  husband  of  one  who  stood 
on  the  letter  of  her  marital  rights.  But  there 
was  the  ghost  of  a  twinkle  in  his  eye  and  an 
upward  turn  to  the  corners  of  his  mouth  that 
bore  pathetic  evidence  of  his  determination  not 
to  succumb  wholly  to  the  weight  of  his  domes- 
tic burden.  Just  now,  however,  it  was  quite 
plain  that  the  burden  was  at  its  heaviest. 

"  I  am  Miss  Casino,"  I  said,  gently,  giving 
him  my  hand  with  a  feeling  of  sincere  sym- 
pathy. 

"At  larst!"  exclaimed  the  poor  creature, 
with  a  look  of  ecstasy,  as  he  took  my  hand  in 
both  his  own  and  let  fall  a  tear  upon  it.  "  At 
larst  Hi'm  'olding  'er  little  'and  in  me  werry 
own  I" 


"'appy  'ome  in  Clapham"          155 

The  Comedienne  laughed  in  the  poor  fellow's 
face,  as  I  drew  my  hand  hastily  away. 

"If  you  have  come  to  return  my  purse,  my 
good  man,  I  will  reward  you,"  said  I. 

"  Halas !  no,  Miss.  Would  to  'eavings  I  'ad." 
And  the  look  of  ecstasy  with  which  he  had 
taken  my  hand  gave  place  to  one  of  misery. 
"  Would  to  'eavings  I  'ad,  Miss." 

"  Please  state  your  business,  then,"  said  I ; 
"  the  curtain  will  go  up  in  a  minute." 

"  Halas  !  she  knows  me  not,"  said  the  strange 
creature,  regarding  me  with  mournful  eyes. 
"Notwithstanding  the  'avoc  she  'ave  created 
in  this  'eart  of  'earts,  'er  blessed  heyes  knows 
me  not ! " 

"  I  never  saw  you  before  in  all  my  life,"  I 
said  in  amazement. 

"True,"  said  the  man,  shaking  his  head 
sadly,  "  she  speaks  but  the  truth.  Hi  did  not 
send  the  picture.  Hi  thought  of  the  little  'one 
in  Clapham  and  Hi  only  sent  the  letters. 
Halas !  the  letters !  Woe,  woe,  the  letters ! " 

"Do  you  mean  that  you  wrote  to  me,  sir?" 

He  looked  at  me  as  though  doubting  the  evi- 
dence of  his  ears. 

"She  arsks  if  Hi  wrote  to  'er.  Oh,  'eav- 
ings ! " 


156       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  Oh,"  I  exclaimed,  a  sudden  light  breaking 
in  upon  me,  "  are  you  the  one  who  signed  him- 
self, 'The  Galleryite'?" 

"  Being  poor  in  this  world's  goods,"  said  the 
man  with  dignity,  "  Hi  sat  in  the  gallery.  Be- 
ing honest  as  well  as  poor,  Hi  signed  myself 
'The  Galleryite.'  Ha  man  may  be  poor  and 
honest  and  still  'ave  a  'eart,  Miss.  'E  may  'ave 
a  little  'ome  in  Clapham,  and  a  missus  with  a 
temper  which  ain't  wot  it  once  was,  halas !  and 
'alf  a  dozen  holive  branches,  and  still  'ave  a 
'eart,  Miss — a  'eart  to  be  stirred  by  youth  and 
beauty,  halas  ! " 

"  There's  no  harm  done,"  I  said,  cheerfully ; 
"  you  can  have  the  letters  back." 

"  'Eavings !  Hi  breathes  again !  Hall  of 
them,  Miss?"  The  poor  man  seemed  im- 
mensely relieved. 

"All  of  them.  Give  me  your  address  and  I 
will  mail  them  to  you." 

"  And  they  warn't  in  the  purse  she  lost  at 
the  races  ?  " 

"  No,  not  one  of  them,  I  assure  you,"  I  said, 
eager  to  relieve  the  poor  man's  mind.  But  far 
from  exhibiting  relief  he  shook  his  head  sadly, 
clasped  his  hands  and  raised  his  eyes,  saying : 

"  Halas !  hall  in  vain  !     Hi  'oped  she  might 


"'appy  'ome  in  Clapham"          157 

'ave  carried  one  in  her  buzzum.  False  'ope. 
Halas,  halas ! " 

"  Sir,"  I  said,  with  indignation,  "  I  never 
carry  the  letters  of  strangers  in  my  bosom. 
Nor  in  my  purse  either.  I  have  said  that  if 
you  will  give  me  your  address  I  will  return  all 
of  yours  without  loss  of  time." 

"  Halas !  Too  late,  too  late ;  oh,  the  little 
'ome  in  Clapham !  The  Missus  knows  hall — 
hall !  " 

"  Then  you  were  a  fool  for  telling  her,"  I 
said,  quite  out  of  patience  with  the  man. 

"  Hi  felt  that  Hi  'ad  to,  Miss,  halas  ! " 

"  If  you  are  such  an  idiot  you  ought  to  know 
better  than  to  write  letters  at  all." 

"  You  'ave  no  hidea  of  the  Missus.  Indeed 
no,  none  whatever.  Hi  tells  the  Missus  of  me 
guilt  and  she  remembers  it  a  year ;  Hi  lets  'er 
find  it  out,  and  she  remembers  it  forever.  It's 
hall  over  then,  halas !  When  Hi  read  in  the 
Gazette  this  morning — Hi  always  takes  it  with 
me  coffee — that  you  'ad  lost  your  purse  at  the 
races,  Miss,  Hi  pictured  to  myself  the  ruin  of 
a  'appy  'ome  in  Clapham  when  the  finder  of  the 
purse  would  take  it  to  the  Gazette  hofBce,  and 
the  paper  would  print  my  letters  for  hidentifi- 
cation.  Halas !  Hi  never  thought  of  the  letters 


158       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

being  hanywhere  else,  Miss.  And  so  Hi  con- 
fessed hall  to  the  Missus,  halas,  halas !  " 

"  And  what  did  the  Missus  do  about  it  ?  " 
asked  the  Comedienne. 

"  Halas  !  she  took  me  latchkey,  and  made 
me  a  'ard  bed  on  the  floor  of  the  coal  'ouse." 

"Oh,  that's  too  bad,"  said  I.  "If  you  can 
think  of  anything  I  can  do  to  straighten  out 
matters  I'll  be  only  too  glad." 

At  this  my  Galleryite  brightened  percepti- 
bly. "  Thank  you,  Miss.  The  Missus  was  on 
the  stage  once  'erself.  To-morrow  is  Sunday. 
Perhaps  now  you  could  find  it  in  your  'eart  to 
call  at  our  'umble  'ome  in  the  afternoon.  The 
Missus  would  happreciate  the  hattention,  and 
hall  would  be  forgiven.  To  be  sure  the  holive 
branches  hall  'as  'coping  cough ;  but  'coping 
cough  is  catching  honly  to  them  ashasen't  'ad  it." 

"  I've  had  it,"  said  the  Come'dienne.  "  Ac- 
cept this  good  man's  invitation  and  let  me  go 
with  you." 

Now  that  the  tragic  element  had  been  elimi- 
nated from  the  incident  I  was  no  less  eager 
than  the  Comedienne  to  seize  this  opportunity 
for  a  further  investigation  of  London  social 
conditions.  So  I  held  out  my  hand  to  my 
Galleryite  again,  and  said : 


"  'aPP7  'ome  m  Clapham  "          1 59 

"  Very  well,  you  can  expect  us  at  about  four 
in  the  afternoon." 

"  Oh,  thank  you,  Miss.  The  Missus  will  be 
proud  to  hextend  the  'ospitalities  of  our  'umble 
'ome.  But" —  He  hesitated  plainly  embar- 
rassed. 

"  Well  ?  "  said  I,  encouragingly. 

"Hi  would  take  it  as  a  favor,  Miss,  if  you 
would  destroy  the  letters.  The  Missus  made 
me  a  promise  to  'ave  'em  sent  to  'er.  But  if 
you  'ad  halready  destroyed  'em  " — 

I  promised  to  report  to  "the  Missus"  the 
total  destruction  of  the  compromising  docu- 
ments. Having  thanked  me  again,  with  tears 
in  his  eyes,  and  given  me  his  address,  the  poor 
man  threw  a  lingering  glance  about  the  stage, 
sighed  deeply,  and  departed. 

One  needs  to  have  had  experience  of  the  life 
back  of  the  footlights  to  realize  that  such  char- 
acters as  the  Galleryite  actually  exist.  It  is 
extraordinary  the  number  of  husbands  and 
fathers  in  humble  circumstances  there  are  who 
seek  to  relieve  the  sordid  monotony  of  domestic 
life  by  indulging  in  some  little  secret  romance. 
It  is  fortunate  for  such  men,  and  for  those 
dependent  upon  them,  that  they  so  generally 
restrict  attentions  of  this  kind  to  ladies  of  the 


160       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

stage.  Members  of  my  profession  become  so 
accustomed  to  this  sort  of  thing  that  letters  and 
gifts  of  flowers  and  jewels  make  a  very  small 
impression  on  them ;  except,  of  course,  when 
the  writer  or  the  sender  of  gifts  establishes  his 
right  to  be  considered  in  the  light  of  a  legiti- 
mate suitor.  The  romance-seeking  husband 
and  father  may  therefore  indulge  his  epistolary 
fancy  to  his  heart's  content.  A  single  glance . 
from  a  practiced  eye  at  one  of  his  effusions  fixes 
his  status.  He  would  seem  to  be  a  masculine 
paradox  if  he  were  not  so  numerous.  He  will 
write  anonymous  love  letters  of  the  most  fervid 
character  without  dreaming  of  any  act  of  dis- 
loyalty to  his  home,  just  as  romantic  young 
girls  write  them  without  any  hope  or  possibil- 
ity of  reply.  I  will  not  speak  of  the  class  of 
men  who  go  through  life  always  fluctuating 
between  duty  and  some  secret  attachment.  A 
menace  hangs  perpetually  over  those  who  are 
entitled  to  the  love  and  protection  of  such  a 
man.  But  in  the  case  of  the  Galleryite,  as 
you  have  observed,  the  first  suggestion  of 
menace  to  his  domestic  peace  sent  him  scurrying 
frantically  back  to  the  bibs  and  apron  strings. 

The  one  feature  of  the  Gallery ite's  case  that 
puzzled  me  was  explained  when  he  said  that 


'"appy  'orae  in  Clapham"          161 

his  wife  had  been  an  actress.  I  then  under- 
stood how  she  could  perform  the  apparently 
unfeminine  act  of  inviting  to  her  house  the  re- 
cipient of  her  husband's  love  letters.  Her  ex- 
periences while  on  the  stage  had  long  ago  en- 
abled her  to  form  the  same  conclusions  I  have 
just  expressed.  The  Comddienne  agreed  with 
me  that  we  might  expect  to  find  the  "  Missus  " 
of  the  "  Little  'ome  in  Clapham  "  an  agreeable 
hostess,  serene  in  the  consciousness  of  her  abil- 
ity to  keep  her  spouse's  feet  in  the  straight  and 
narrow  path. 

The  day  was  so  pleasant  that  even  Clapham 
was  attractive.  The  Galleryite's  house  was 
one  of  a  long  row  of  diminutive  dwellings  set 
primly  in  the  exact  centre  of  a  diminutive  plot 
of  ground,  each  having  a  diminutive  front  porch 
at  the  top  of  a  short  flight  of  steps,  and  the 
front  windows  of  each  looking  out  upon  pre- 
cisely identical  attempts  at  landscape  garden- 
ing on  the  smallest  scale  imaginable.  It  was 
impossible  to  question  the  sobriety  of  the  neigh- 
borhood. No  intoxicated  householder,  return- 
ing to  his  home  on  a  dark  night,  would  have 
more  than  one  chance  in  twenty  of  escaping 
scandalous  intrusion  upon  some  other  house- 
holder's domestic  privacy.  The  Sabbath  calm 


162       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

of  the  street  seemed  almost  puritanical.  The 
few  children  to  be  seen  on  the  diminutive  front 
porches  were  sedate  and  clean  in  their  Sunday 
frocks  and  trousers.  About  the  Galleryite's 
house,  however,  there  were  no  evidences  of  life. 

"It  is  the  whooping  cough,"  said  the  Come- 
dienne ;  "  the  good  people  are  afraid  of  infect- 
ing the  neighborhood." 

Even  as  we  mounted  the  steps  ominous  sounds 
from  within  verified  the  Comedienne's  surmise. 
We  waited  until  six  paroxysms  of  coughing, 
each  followed  by  that  audibly  spasmodic  effort 
to  recover  exhausted  breath  so  terrifying  to  the 
uninitiated,  had  informed  us  that  the  "olive 
branches"  had  passed  safely  through  another 
crisis,  and  then  .rang  the  bell.  The  flushed  face 
and  the  watery  eyes  of  the  little  girl  who  opened 
the  door  served  to  identify  her  with  the  concert 
which  had  reached  our  ears  on  the  front  porch. 

"  Step  into  the  parlor,  if  you  please,"  she  said, 
politely ;  "  mother  will  be  down  in  a  moment." 

There  was  a  stair  leading  to  the  upper  story, 
and  under  it  another  leading  to  the  basement 
dining-room.  The  latter  was  guarded  by  a 
balustrade  which  fronted  the  open  parlor  door, 
and  which  we  were  soon  to  see  put  to  a  most 
novel  and  ingenius  use.  Seated  in  a  row  in  the 


"'appy  'ome  in  Clapham"          163 

parlor  were  the  five  other  olive  branches, 
three  boys  and  two  more  little  girls,  all  clean 
and  neat  in  their  Sunday  clothes,  ranging  in 
ages  apparently  from  ten  to  five.  As  we  en- 
tered they  all  rose,  bowed  and  said  politely  in 
a  chorus : 

"  How  —  do  —  you  —  do  ?  Won't  —  you  — 
pleased — be — seated  ?  Mother — will — be — here 
— in — a — moment."  Whereupon  they  all  re- 
sumed their  seats. 

"  I  can  sympathize  with  you,  my  dears,"  be- 
gan the  Comedienne,  affably ;  "  when  I  was  ten 
years  old  I  had  a  terrible  attack  of  the  whoop- 
ing cough.  But " — 

But  the  Comedienne  had  neglected  to  remem- 
ber the  intimate  relationship  between  the  name 
and  the  deed  which  distinguishes  this  malady. 
The  unfortunate  suggestion  was  instantly  acted 
upon.  The  eldest  little  girl  began  the  fugue 
form  of  whooping  chorus  (presto  accelerando*) 
in  which  the  others  took  up  their  parts  at  regu- 
lar intervals  until  all  were  presently  whooping 
at  once  in  a  grand  finale.  But  before  the  hyp- 
notic infection  had  reached  the  youngest  little 
boy  a  shrill  command,  proceeding  apparently 
from  the  adjoining  room,  added  a  new  and  as- 
tonishing feature  to  the  programme. 


164       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"Emmy,  Charles,  Susannah,  the  banister  1 
Run  to  the  banister,  all  of  you  !  "  commanded 
the  voice. 

Instantly  the  six  children,  purple  in  the  face, 
doubled  up  with  their  paroxysm  of  coughing, 
scurried  into  the  hall  and  hung  themselves  in  a 
row  over  the  basement  stair  rail,  like  so  many 
bags  of  meal. 

"  My  goodness  gracious ! "  ejaculated  the  Co- 
medienne. "  Why  do  they  do  that  ?  The  lit- 
tle dears  will  fall  downstairs." 

But  the  conundrum  was  already  furnishing 
its  own  answer.  The  support  which  the  stair 
rail  gave  to  the  heaving  little  chests  and  stom- 
achs rendered  the  paroxysms  less  severe.  The 
chorus  of  whoops  was  approaching  a  leisurely 
and  comfortable  conclusion. 

"A  splendid  idea,"  said  the  Comedienne; 
"  I'll  make  a  note  of  it  for  future  reference." 

While  the  children  were  still  doubled  over 
the  rail,  the  door  of  the  adjoining  room  opened 
and  a  stately  figure  clad  in  black  silk  trimmed 
with  jet  beads  entered  and  held  out  a  cordial 
hand  to  each  of  us. 

"  Thank  you  so  much  for  coming,"  said  the 
wife  of  my  Galleryite.  "  The  sight  of  you  re- 
calls the  dear  old  days  at  Drury  Lane." 


"'appy  'ome  in  Clapham"         165 

"  You  of  course  understand  about  the  letters," 
I  began,  anxious  to  have  the  embarrassing  part 
of  the  interview  over.  "  You  have  been  an 
actress,  and  doubtless,  yourself,  have  re- 
ceived " — 

"  Bushels  of  them,"  laughed  Mrs.  Robinson. 
"  Bless  you,  I  know  all  about  it.  While  I  was 
playing  Oberon  in  *  A  Midsummer  Night's 
Dream  ' — you  wouldn't  believe  it  to  look  at  me 
now,  would  you? — Mr.  Robinson  wrote  me  at 
least  a  hundred  before  I  paid  any  attention  to 
him  at  all,  though  at  that  time  he  had  excellent 
prospects."  The  mother  of  the  olive  branches 
sighed  gently  and  gave  the  six  small  figures 
still  doubled  over  the  stair  rail  a  loving  glance. 

"  Those  your  husband  addressed  to  me  were 
anonymous  I  assure  you,"  I  hastened  to  say. 
"I  couldn't  have  discovered  the  indentity  of 
the  writer  if  I  had  wished  to — which  of  course 
I  didn't.  It  was  only  the  accident  of  the  lost 
purse,  and  your  husband's  anxiety  that  "- 

"  Bless  your  heart,  don't  you  worry.  I  know 
John  Robinson.  He  will  keep  up  his  habit  of 
writing  letters  to  actresses ;  but,  bless  you,  he 
never  forgets  his  family  for  a  minute.  Did  he 
say  in  his  letters  to  you  that  your  eyes  were 
like  stars?" 


166       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  Yes,"  I  answered,  wonderingly. 

"  Did  he  say  that  your  feet  were  like  rose 
petals  whose  weight  scarcely  disturbed  the 
tender  blades  of  grass  upon  which  they  fell  ?  " 

"  His  exact  words." 

"Of  course,"  laughed  Mrs.  Robinson.  "Did 
he  say  that  your  hair  was  like  the  mist  that 
veils  the  sun  when  it  rises  from  its  bed  in  the 
sea?" 

"  He  did,  and  I  thought  it  a  very  pretty  sen- 
timent." 

"  So  did  I  when  he  wrote  it  to  me.  And  I 
suppose  he  wrote  that  your  glorious  face  had 
the  dazzling  beauty  of  the  sun  when  the  mists 
had  cleared  away  ?  " 

I  nodded  assent,  and  then  Mrs.  Robinson,  the 
Comedienne  and  I  burst  into  a  hearty  laugh  at 
the  expense  of  all  sentimental  married  men 
who  write  letters  to  footlight  favorites. 

"  Still,"  said  I,  beginning  to  feel  myself  on 
terms  of  intimacy  with  the  Robinson  family, 
"you  took  away  his  latchkey." 

"  Yes ;  it  won't  do  to  pretend  you  don't  care, 
you  know." 

"  And  made  him  sleep  on  a  hard  bed  in  the 
coal  house  ?  " 

"  No,"    laughed    Mrs.    Robinson,    "  I    only 


"'appy  'ome  in  Clapham"         167 

threatened  him  with  the  coal  house.  One  must 
preserve  some  sort  of  discipline  in  managing  a 
husband." 

The  six  small  Robinsons  now  returned  to  the 
parlor,  the  chorus  of  whoops  having  sent  back 
its  last  faint  echo  from  the  basement. 

"Dearies,"  said  their  mother,  smiling  fondly 
upon  them,  "  go  into  the  sitting-room  and  play. 
Mother's  engaged  with  company." 

The  children  obeyed.  Then  Mrs.  Robinson 
rose  and  said,  with  a  laugh  in  her  eyes : 

"My  husband  wishes  to  make  you  a  little 
present — for  a  souvenir  of  this  occasion." 

She  opened  the  same  door  by  which  she  had 
entered  the  parlor  and  said  : 

"John,  dear?" 

There  was  a  shuffling  sound  from  the  next 
room,  and  then  my  Galleryite  entered  with 
a  book  in  his  hand,  looking  sheepish  enough, 
though  infinitely  less  worried  than  when  he 
called  at  the  theatre.  For  at  least  once  in  her 
life  the  Comedienne  was  at  a  loss  what  to  say 
or  do.  As  for  me  the  novelty  of  the  situation 
found  me  powerless  to  do  more  than  await  de- 
velopments in  silence.  Mrs.  Robinson  took  the 
book  from  her  husband  and  placed  it  in  my 
hands. 


168       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  With  the  compliments  of  John  Robinson," 
she  said,  smiling  mischievously,  while  putting 
her  arm  lovingly  through  her  husband's. 

"  I — I  don't  understand,"  I  stammered,  look- 
ing from  one  to  the  other  in  bewilderment. 

"  Read  the  title  page,"  said  Mrs.  Robinson. 
Mr.  Robinson  groaned. 

"  Radley's  Ready  Letter  Writer,"  I  quoted 
from  the  title  page  of  the  book,  still  unenlight- 
ened. 

"  Now  kindly  turn  to  page  one  hundred  and 
nine,"  said  Mrs.  Robinson,  while  Mr.  Robinson 
groaned  again. 

I  did  so  and  quoted  the  chapter  heading : 

"  Letters  from  a  gentleman  to  a  lady  with 
whom  he  is  in  love." 

"  Refer  to  the  tenth  line  of  the  first  letter," 
said  Mrs.  Robinson. 

"  Oh,  'eavings  !  spare  me  !  "  groaned  Mr. 
Robinson. 

I  read :  " '  Your  feet  are  like  rose  petals 
whose  weight,' "  etc. 

"  Now  the  thirteenth  line  of  the  third  letter," 
commanded  Mrs.  Robinson,  disregarding  the 
expostulations  of  her  spouse. 

" '  Your  hair  is  like  the  mist  that  veils  the 
sun  when ' — I  understand,"  I  said,  closing  the 


"'appy  'ome  in  Clapham"          169 

book.  "Thank  you,  Mr.  Robinson.  Your 
handwriting  is  fairly  good,  but  large  print  is 
easier  on  the  eyes.  Thank  you  very  much  ;  I'll 
accept  the  book  with  pleasure." 

The  Comedienne  was  convulsed.     Mrs.  Rob- 

i 

iuson  patted  her  husband's  cheek  and  even  he 
was  presently  able  to  appreciate  the  joke  at  his 
expense  without  losing  sight  of  its  import  from 
the  sterner  standpoint  of  discipline. 

Our  cordial  farewells  were  hastened  by  an- 
other sudden  outburst  of  the  whooping  chorus, 
and  a  second  infantile  stampede  for  the  friendly 
balustrade.  I  gave  each  little  pair  of  heaving 
shoulders  a  friendly  pat  as  we  were  going  out. 

"  What  luck  some  husbands  have,"  said  the 
Comedienne. 

"  What  excellent  sense  some  wives  have," 
said  I. 


CHAPTER  XIII 

CAPTAIN  LIVELY  BECOMES   TROUBLESOME 

SPEAKING  of  letters,  by  no  means  all  of  those 
I  received  at  the  theatre  and  at  my  house  in  St. 
John's  wood  disturbed  me  as  little  as  did  those 
of  the  Galleryite.  As  all  London  and  New 
York  know,  the  character  I  represented  was 
that  of  a  Salvation  Lassie.  The  value  of  the 
character,  as  my  author  conceived  it  for  stage 
purposes,  is  indicated  in  the  first  verse  of  my 
principal  song,  the  last  two  lines  applying  to 
the  character  in  the  play,  and  to  myself  both 
on  and  off  the  stage,  equally  well : 

I  find  it  very  difficult  to  make  young  men  religious, 
In  saving  souls  from  wickedness  the  labor  is  prodigious ; 
When  I  ask  them  to  be  good, 

As  all  young  men  should  be, 
They  only  say  they  would 

Be  very  good  to  me. 
I  ask  them  if  they'll  follow  in  the  path 

That  leads  to  sweet  salvation, 
But  oh  !  the  effect  my  argument  hath 

Fills  me  with  perturbation. 
For  when  those  youths  profess 

That  the  light  of  faith  they  see, 
They  never  proceed  to  follow  that  light, 

But  always  follow  me. 
170 


"I  represented  a  Salvation  lassie.** — Page  170. 


Captain  Lively  Troublesome        171 

Yes,  they  always  followed  me  !  When  they 
did  not  pursue  me  personally,  they  pursued  me 
with  letters.  The  most  unique  case  of  the  lat- 
ter description  was  that  of  a  British  original  of 
my  stage  character — a  London  Salvation  Lassie 
who  lived  in  barracks  over  on  the  Surrey  Side 
and  labored  nightly  in  the  slums.  She  wrote 
me  many  disturbing  letters,  of  which  the  fol- 
lowing, an  exact  copy,  is  a  specimen : 

"  DEAR  FKIEND  : 

"  I  cannot  tell  you  how  grieved  I  was  when 
I  saw  your  portrait  in  the  illustrated  papers  as 
a  parody  on  the  Salvation  Army.  They  do  not 
deserve  this.  The  reason  for  their  existence  is 
the  misery  and  wickedness  too  often  commenced 
in  theatres  and  music  halls,  and  these  poor  peo- 
ple are  saddled  with  the  wreck  and  ruin  caused 
by  theatrical  performances. 

"  It  is  not  our  duty  alone  to  go  out  and  rescue 
those  for  whom  Christ  died.  It  is  yours  just  as 
much  as  any  one's.  For  you  have  talent  and 
ability ;  and  be  sure,  dear  friend,  that  however 
you  may  pass  this  life  — 

Amidst  the  dim  unknown 
Standeth  God  among  the  shadows 
Keeping  watch  above  his  own 


172       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

and  to  him,  one  day,  must  you  and  I  give  in  our 
account. 

"  Tell  me  the  answer  to  this  :  What  does  it 
profit  you  to  gain  the  whole  world  and  lose  (for- 
ever) your  own  soul? 

"  I  write  this  with  sadness  at  my  heart  when 
I  think  of  how  your  beauty  and  talent  might 
be  given  to  God  to  the  salvation  of  mankind. 

"  It  is  good  to  be  great,  but  it  is  greater  to 
be  good. 

"  May  God  bless  you. 

"  ZEE  ZEE. 

"May  1,1898." 

I  wrote  "  Zee  Zee,"  making  as  strong  a  plea 
for  my  profession  as  I  was  able,  showing  how 
it  offered  a  means  of  livelihood  to  many  who 
otherwise,  doubtless,  would  come  to  the  slums 
in  which  she  labored  so  unselfishly,  and  asked 
her  to  call  upon  me.  After  writing  me  many 
other  letters,  and  almost  convincing  me  that  I 
ought  to  quit  my  mimic  slums  for  the  realities 
of  Whitechapel  and  Salvation  Army  barracks, 
she  sent  a  young  man  in  the  costume  of  a  petty 
officer  with  a  request  that  I  send  her  as  many 
copies  as  I  could  spare  of  the  large  lithographs 
representing  me  in  my  famous  character.  She 
wanted  to  hang  them  up  in  the  different  army 


Captain  Lively  Troublesome        173 

barracks,  where  they  would  be  appropriately 
decorative.  At  my  request  the  manager  of  the 
theatre  sent  Zee  Zee  fifty  of  these  pictures, 
and  later  I  experienced  the  unique  sensation  of 
attending  prayer  meeting  in  a  Whitechapel  Sal- 
vation Army  hall  upon  the  walls  of  which,  while 
these  unselfish  people  prayed  and  sang,  hung  no 
less  than  four  full  length  pictures  of  myself  in 
stage  costume  !  But  I  never  met  Zee  Zee. 

But  it  was  to  one  of  Her  Majesty's  special 
pets — a  Life  Guardsman — that  I  was  indebted 
for  my  chief  epistolary  annoyance.  He  always 
signed  his  full  name — Captain  Gerald  Lively — 
and  used  the  crested  stationery  of  Hyde  Park 
Barracks.  I  would  have  been  inclined,  perhaps, 
to  reward  his  frankness  with  my  acquaintance, 
upon  his  procuring  a  proper  introduction,  had 
it  not  been  for  his  horrible  familiarity.  Think 
of  it !  This  was  his  first  letter,  copied  word  for 
word: 

"  DEAR  Miss  CASINO  : 

"  Do  come  and  have  supper  on  Guard,  at 
the  Horse  Guards,  Whitehall,  to-morrow  after 
your  play  is  over. 

"  I  have  not  the  honor  of  your  acquaintance, 
but  should  like  to  make  it  awfully. 


174       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"If  you  cannot  come  to-morrow  do  come 
some  other  time. 

"  Yours  very  sincerely, 

"  (CAPTAIN)  GERALD  LIVELY." 

I  of  course  paid  no  attention  to  this  letter, 
except  to  preserve  it  as  a  curiosity.  Imagine 
my  surprise,  therefore,  when,  only  three  days 
later,  came  this  piece  of  impudence : 

"  DEAR  Miss  CASINO  : 

"  I  am  awfully  sorry  for  worrying  you 
with  my  invitation  to  supper  the  other  night. 
But  how  can  you  blame  me  ? 

"  Please  will  you  take  pity  on  me,  and  give 
me  some  other  .evening,  dropping  me  a  line  to 
say  when  ?  Ever  yours, 

"(CAPTAIN)  GERALD  LIVELY." 

These  were  only  the  beginning.  My  silence 
seemed  to  serve  only  as  a  spur  to  his  zeal. 
This  disposition  to  overcome  insurmountable 
obstacles,  though  I  have  no  doubt  it  is  ex- 
tremely useful  to  Her  Majesty — in  India  and 
the  Soudan — simply  strengthened  by  determi- 
nation to  convince  Captain  Lively  of  his  lack 
of  any  importance  whatever  where  I  was  con- 
cerned. 


Captain  Lively  Troublesome        175 

When,  however,  he  took  to  haunting  the  stage 
door,  I  confess  that  I  trembled.  Out  of  pure 
mischief  Daffy,  the  Comedienne,  Little  Bobby 
and  an  English  chorus  girl  whom  we  nicknamed 
"  Sloppy  Weather,"  attempted,  night  after  night 
to  lure  the  Captain  away  from  the  quarry  he 
had  set  his  heart  on.  But  he  would  not  conde- 
scend to  notice  them. 

I  could  not  understand  the  strange  apathy 
of  Tommy  Atkins  on  this  subject,  considering 
her  passion  for  red  coats  and  pepper  box  caps 
— the  passion  that  had  won  for  her  the  name 
which  had  caused  her  legitimate  one  to  become 
almost  forgotten.  But  it  appeared  that  Tommy 
Atkins  had  been  thinking,  and  on  the  evening 
when,  as  my  understudy,  she  was  to  make  her 
first  appearance  in  my  part — the  management 
having  decided  that  it  would  do  me  good  to 
skip  a  performance  occasionally — I  discovered 
to  what  purpose. 

Tommy  Atkins  bears  quite  a  strong  resem- 
blance to  me,  in  form  as  well  as  in  features. 
An  understudy  is  not  expected  to  invest  her 
performance  with  any  originality.  Often  she  is 
a  member  of  the  chorus,  and  this  extra  duty  is 
assigned  to  her  on  account  of  the  presumption 
that  she  will  be  able,  in  case  of  an  emergency, 


176       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

to  give  an  acceptable  imitation  of  her  principal's 
performance.  It  was  Tommy  Atkins'  strong 
personal  likeness  to  me  that  procured  her  this 
post  of  honor.  Naturally  I  desired  that  her 
resemblance  to  me  in  the  character  should  be 
as  close  as  possible  in  all  details.  I  therefore 
assisted  her  to  dress  in  my  own  room,  and 
superintended  her  make-up. 

"  A  little  more  carmine  at  the  centre  of  the 
lips,"  I  said,  finally.  "Remember  the  prunes 
and  prisms  expression — there,  that  will  do 
nicely." 

"Do  I  look  like  you?  "  asked  my  understudy. 

"  You  are  my  breathing  image,"  said  I. 

Just  then  Prue  came  in,  snorting  with  indig- 
nation. 

"  What  is  the  trouble,  Prue  ?  " 

"  Captain  Lively,  in  full  uniform  and  partly 
intoxicated,  has  got  past  Jack  at  the  stage  door 
and  insists  on  seeing  you  before  the  perfor- 
mance begins." 

"  The  brute  !  "  I  exclaimed.  "  Prue,  do  you 
go  and  say  to  Captain  Lively  that  unless  he 
leaves  instantly  I  will  have  him  arrested." 

"By  whom?"  inquired  Tommy  Atkins, 
calmly. 

"  By  a  policeman,"  said  I.     "  I  will  have  this 


Captain  Lively  Troublesome        177 

Captain  of  the  Horse  Guards  taught  a  lesson 
in  manners." 

"Not  by  a  policeman,"  said  Tommy,  dabbing 
a  powder  puff  at  her  round  chin. 

"  And  why  not  by  a  policeman,  pray  ?  Cap- 
tain Lively 's  feelings  are  not  of  the  slightest 
consequence  to  me." 

"  They  are  to  the  Queen,  though." 

"Do  you  mean  to  say,"  I  retorted  hotly, 
"that"— 

"  Her  Majesty's  officers  are  not  expected  to 
submit  to  the  dictates  of  policemen,"  inter- 
rupted our  authority  on  British  military  cus- 
tomers, composedly ;  "  and — well,  the  policemen 
of  London  are  not  fools." 

"  Do  you  mean,"  said  I,  aghast,  "  that  I  am  at 
the  mercy  of  this  drunken  Captain  of  Horse 
Guards?" 

"  No,"  said  Tommy,  drawing  herself  up  to 
her  full  height ;  "  I  am  here." 

Prue  and  I  stared  at  the  girl  in  amazement. 

"Leave  Captain  Lively  to  me,"  Tommy 
added,  confidently  ;  "  I  will  attend  to  the  case 
of  Captain  Lively." 

"But — but  he  won't  look  at  any  of  the  other 
girls,"  I  said.  "I,  1  alone,  am  the  object  of  his 
affections." 


178       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  For  this  evening  I  am  you,"  replied  Tommy 
Atkins,  taking  a  comprehensive  look  at  herself 
in  the  large  glass. 

"  You  certainly  are,"  said  Prue  with  empha- 
sis. 

"  Prue,"  said  Tommy,  "  do  you  go  and  send 
Captain  Lively  here.  Miss  Casino  will  attend 
to  the  proprieties.  Oh,  pshaw !  " — as  I  made  a 
gesture  of  dismay — "  the  manager  isn't  here." 

Prue  departed  on  her  mission  with  evident 
zest. 

"  What  will  you  say  to  Captain  Lively, 
Tommy?"  I  asked,  faintly. 

"  I  shall  tell  him  that  if  he  will  promise  to  be 
good  he  may  take  me  to  supper  after  the  per- 
formance." 

"  Tommy  Atkins !  " 

"Well,  why  not?" 

"You  are  a  very  pretty  girl  .  .  .  the 
Captain  is  intoxicated." 

"  I  am  also  a  thoroughbred  American  girl — 
and  a  total  abstainer." 

Tommy  gave  me  a  queer  look.  "I  haven't 
denied  myself  the  pleasure  of  gentlemen's  so- 
ciety during  my  stage  career.  Tell  me,  did  you 
ever  hear  from  man  or  woman  a  word  to  iny 
personal  discredit  ?  " 


Captain  Lively  Troublesome       179 

"No,"  said  I,  "never." 

"I  was  born  in  Butte,  Montana,"  said  Tommy, 
giving  me  another  of  her  queer  looks.  "  Until 
four  years  ago  I  had  no  personal  knowledge 
of  any  civilization  higher  than  that  of  mining 
camps.  From  my  thirteenth  to  my  seventeenth 
year  I  sold  drinks  to  miners,  cowboys,  gamblers 
and  desperadoes,  and  danced  and  sung  for  them. 
I  knew  the  effect  upon  those  men  of  every  stage 
of  intoxication.  Most  of  them,  sober  or  intox- 
icated, made  love  to  me.  To-day  I  know  that 
every  one  of  these  men  now  living  would  de- 
fend my  character  with  his  life." 

Tommy  Atkins'  eyes  sparkled.  "Do  you 
know  why,  dear  ?  " 

I  shook  my  head.  At  that  moment  the  sense 
of  my  own  weakness  and  inexperience  appalled 
me. 

"  Well,  this  is  why."  And  the  girl  whipped 
from  some  mysterious  place  of  concealment  a 
neat  little  revolver,  which  somehow,  in  her 
hand,  had  a  terribly  business-like  appearance. 

"Don't,  dear,"  I  said,  startled.  "Is  it — is  it 
loaded?" 

"  It  is  ALWAYS  loaded,"  said  Tommy. 

Prue  and  Captain  Lively  arriving  at  this 
juncture,  the  revolver  disappeared  as  quickly 


180       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

and  mysteriously  as  it  had  made  its  startling 
entrance  upon  the  scene. 

"  Aw,  Miss  Casino,  deeply  honored,  chawmed, 
chawmed  I  am  suah — haw,  haw,  haw  de  do." 
The  Captain  was  bowing  low  before  Tommy, 
paying  not  the  slightest  attention  to  me. 

"I  beg  your  pardon,  Captain  Lively,"  said 
Tommy,  coolly.  "  I  am  not  Miss  Casino.  This 
is  Miss  Casino  " — indicating  me. 

"Haw,  haw,  haw,"  laughed  the  Captain, 
hardly  so  much  as  glancing  at  me ;  "  clevah, 
dooced  clevah,  'pon  my  word." 

"  Also  true,"  said  Tommy.     "  Ask  her." 

Captain  Lively  stuck  a  bit  of  glass  in  his  eye 
and  stared  at  me  half  drunkenly,  half  inso- 
lently. 

"  It  is  true,"  said  I.     "  I  am  Miss  Casino." 

"  Haw,  haw,  haw,  dooced  clevah,  but  trans- 
parent, you  know.  Joke  might  go  with  lieu- 
tenant, haw,  haw,  but  not  with  captain,  by 
jove,  haw,  haw,  haw."  And  Captain  Lively, 
turning  his  back  rudely  upon  me  attempted 
gallantly  to  raise  Tommy's  hand  to  his  lips. 

My  understudy  gave  him  a  sharp  little  slap 
on  the  cheek.  "No  nonsense,  now,  Captain 
Lively." 

"  What,  after  all  these  days  of  constant  sup- 


Captain  Lively  Troublesome       181 

plication  at — er — at  beauty's  shrine — that's  it, 
by  jove !  Beauty's  shrine — to  be  rewarded 
with  blows.  Cruel,  cruel !  Haw,  haw,  haw. 
I'll  turn  the  other  cheek.  I'll  turn  the  other 
cheek,  dooced  if  I  don't,  haw,  haw,  haw." 

Captain  Lively  turned  the  other  cheek.  But 
Tommy  stood  on  her  dignity. 

"  Well,  Captain,  since  you  insist  that  I  am 
Miss  Casino,  may  I  ask  the  object  of  your  call, 
here  at  the  theatre,  thrusting  yourself  upon  the 
stage  against  the  rules,  interrupting  the  per- 
formance of  my  duty  ?  " 

"  Oh,  come  now,"  said  Captain  Lively,  with 
an  injured  air,  "  what  would  you  have  a  fellow 
do,  by  jove?  Half  my  letters  returned  un- 
opened, the  other  half  unanswered.  Nothing 
left  but  storming  the  citadel,  haw,  haw,  haw. 
So  stormed  the  citadel,  by  jove  !  haw,  haw." 

"  The  citadel  declines  to  surrender,"  said 
Tommy. 

The  Captain  produced  a  white  handkerchief 
and  held  it  aloft.  "  Enemy  approaches  under 
flag  of  truce  and  asks  for  conference,  haw, 
haw." 

"  Request  of  the  enemy  is  granted,"  said 
Tommy,  "provided  time  and  place  are  satis- 
factory." 


182       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  To-night,  after  the  performance  ;  supper  at 
the  barracks,  by  Jove,"  said  the  Captain,  salut- 
ing. 

"All  on  for  the  first  act,"  yelled  the  call  boy. 

"I'll  have  a  hansom  at  the  stage  door,"  said 
the  Captain. 

"  Agreed,"  said  Tommy. 

"  No  more  practical  jokes,  haw,  haw." 

"My  word  is  my  bond,"  said  Tommy  Atkins. 

Whereupon  the  Captain,  after  another  futile 
attempt  to  kiss  Tommy's  hand,  departed  in 
high  spirits. 

My  understudy  gave  a  marvelous  perform- 
ance. I  witnessed  it  from  the  front.  I  had 
to  pinch  myself  to  make  sure  whether  I  was  on 
the  stage  or  in  the  audience.  Captain  Lively 
sat  in  a  stall  near  the  stage,  applauding  vigor- 
ously. He  alone  was  to  blame  for  the  decep- 
tion practiced  upon  him. 

After  the  performance  I  went  to  the  door  of 
the  waiting  hansom  with  Tommy.  The  Cap- 
tain had  called  for  her  in  person — contrary  to 
the  custom  common  in  London  of  sending  an 
empty  cab  for  the  professional  guest.  He  saw 
us  both  in  our  street  costumes,  but  paid  no  at- 
tention to  me.  So  I  saw  them  start  with  a  feel- 
ing of  genuine  relief.  After  Tommy  Atkins' 


Captain  Lively  Troublesome       183 

graphic  account  of  her  early  life  in  the  mining 
camps  I  had  no  doubt  that  she  would  prove  a 
match  for  Captain  Lively  under  any  and  all  cir- 
cumstances. 


CHAPTER  XIV 

HOW  THE  WITS  UNBEND 

"  You  can't  be  in  earnest,"  said  the  Ameri- 
can Friend. 

"  I  never  was  more  in  earnest  in  my  life," 
said  I.  "I  am  heartily  tired  of  these  semi-pri- 
vate exhibitions  of  the  literary  and  artistic 
lions  of  the  British  metropolis.  The  Honorable 
Mrs.  Pebblestone's  reception  given  to  Mr. 
Bilkley,  the  celebrated  dramatist,  and  half  a 
dozen  of  the  other  alleged  wits  of  London, 
was  the  most  dismal  affair  I  ever  attended. 
One  would  have  thought  that  Mr.  Bilkley  im- 
agined himself  a  guest  at  his  own  funeral. 
Neither  he  nor  his  famous  friends  cracked  a 
smile  during  the  entire  afternoon.  They  re- 
cited the  gloomiest  things  in  melancholy  voices, 
their  backbones  rigid.  It  was  the  same  at  Lady 
Dunstable's.  When  the  Duchess  of  Edge- 
combe's  invitation  came,  though  the  guest  espe- 
cially honored  was  to  be  Grimshaw,  the  come- 
dian who  convulses  his  audience  nightly  at  the 
theatre,  I  pleaded  a  previous  engagement.  I 
knew  how  it  would  be.  Grimshaw  would  ar- 
184 


How  the  Wits  Unbend  185 

rive  punctually,  but  not  until  he  had  laced 
himself  into  a  straight  jacket.  No ;  I  care  noth- 
ing about  the  wits  in  their  high  society  aspect. 
You  will  kindly  present  my  compliments  to  the 
President  of  the  Muses  Club  and  say  how  much 
I  regret  that  I  am  indisposed  this  evening." 

The  American  Friend  listened  patiently  to 
my  essay  on  a  topic  with  which  he  was  already, 
of  course,  perfectly  familiar,  and  with  regard 
to  which  he  had  long  before  reached  a  similar 
conclusion,  and  then  said : 

"But  the  Muses  Club  is  different,  my  dear. 
There  is  where  the  wits  unbend." 

"Really?" 

"Really.     Come,  you  shall  see  for  yourself." 

So  we  set  out  for  one  of  the  Sunday  evening 
receptions  of  the  Muses  Club,  a  function  for 
which  most  Londoners  have  a  mighty  respect, 
owing  mainly  to  the  fact  that  one  of  the 
founders  of  the  club  is  no  less  a  personage 
than  His  Royal  Highness,  the  Prince  of  Wales, 
and  partly  to  the  difficulty  with  which  invita- 
tions are  obtained.  It  was  in  the  smoking- 
room  of  this  institution  that  Sir  Henry  Irving 
administered  his  famous  rebuke  to  a  certain 
sybaritish  rival  tragedian  who  spells  his  particu- 
lar ART  always  with  capital  letters. 


i86       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

Sir  Henry  one  afternoon  was  smoking  a 
quiet  pipe  while  slowly  absorbing  a  mug  of  ale. 
The  few  members  present,  respecting  the  great 
man's  meditations,  were  •  silent.  Presently  en- 
tered the  Sybarite,  his  mental  infirmity  aggra- 
vated by  a  too  liberal  indulgence  in  some  spirit- 
ous  compound.  Observing  his  great  rival  un- 
occupied, and  therefore  presumably  open  to 
conviction,  the  Sybarite  struck  a  poetic  attitude 
and  said : 

"  Oh,  the  degeneracy  of  these  times.  Oh, 
the  coarseness  of  the  popular  mind — the  rude- 
ness of  the  public  conception  of  ART  !  Why 
should  one  be  forced  to  go  on  casting  his  pearls 
— aj'e,  his  PEARLS — before  swine?  Pearls,  I 
say  Pearls."  Then  fixing  an  accusing  eye  on 
his  rival  he  repeated :  "  Pearls.  Did  you  hear 
me  say  PEARLS,  sirrah  ?  " 

"  Um,  uh,  eh,  ah,  pearls,  aye,  possibly  pearls, 
perhaps  pearls,  urn,  ah,"  grunted  Sir  Henry  re- 
flectively through  his  nose,  while  he  continued 
to  gaze  at  vacancy. 

"Swine,  aye,  swine.  Did  you  hear  me  re- 
mark SWINE?" 

"Um,  ah,  swine?  Aye,  no  doubt.  Swine, 
urn,  uh,  ah." 

"  Oh,  for  an  enlightened  public,  a  public  ca- 


How  the  Wits  Unbend  187 

pable  of  discriminating  between  the  false  and 
the  true,  between  the  rude  and  the  refined,  be- 
tween— er — between — er — between  buncombe 
and  art.  Art,  I  say  ART.  Sirrah,  did  you  hear 
me  say  ART  ?  " 

"  Um,  ah,  art  ?     Um,  ah." 

But  the  subtle  satire  of  the  interrogation 
point  was  lost  on  the  Sybarite,  who  went  on  : 

"  Oh,  for  an  opportunity  to  engrave  the  prin- 
ciples of  true  art  upon  the  white  page  of  a 
virgin  intellect !  Oh,  for  a  simple,  an  unspoiled 
public.  Aye,  a  public  uncorrupted  by  the 
sophistries  of  charlatans.  Charlatans,  I  say 
CHARLATANS.  Sirrah,  did  you  hear  me  remark, 

CHARLATANS  ?  " 

"Um,  ah,  charlatans,"  assented  Sir  Henry, 
fixing  his  meditative  glance  momentarily  on  the 
Sybarite,  who  was  still  unconscious  of  his  peril, 
though  a  dozen  club  members  who  had  gathered 
around  the  rivals  were  nudging  each  other  in 
ecstasy.  "  Uh,  um,  aye,  charlatans,  um,  ah,  by 
all  means." 

"  Oh,  for  some  primitive  public,  some  cluster 
of  fresh  unspoiled  minds  upon  which  to  graft 
the  beauteous  tree  of  ART.  Oh,  for  some 
island  washed  by  an  azure  sea  where  no  char- 
latan has  ever  left  his  insidious  footprint.  Aye, 


i88       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

an  island  where  the  tree  of  art  might  thrive  un- 
tranauieled  and  bear  its  golden  fruit.  Oh,  for 
an  island,  I  say  " — 

"  Um,  ah,  an  island,"  said  Sir  Henry,  rising, 
and  giving  the  Sybarite  a  familiar  pat  on  the 
shoulder.  "Go  to  Scilly,  my  young  friend. 
Um,  ah,  go  to  Scilly.  Go  to  Scilly  and  plant 
your  tree  of  art  among  the  cabbages."  And 
then  he  stalked  from  the  room. 

Some  of  my  American  readers  will  perhaps 
appreciate  the  explanation  that  the  Scilly  Is- 
lands, which  were  a  part  of  the  mainland  in 
the  time  of  King  Arthur  and  the  Knights  of 
the  Round  Table,  are  now  chiefly  inhabited  by 
market  gardeners  who  supply  London  with  its 
fresh  vegetables. 

The  palatial  home  of  the  Muses  Club  con- 
tains a  pretty  little  theatre  upon  the  toy  stage 
of  which,  as  the  American  Friend  and  I  en- 
tered, a  lady  of  uncertain  age,  whose  name, 
given  on  the  printed  programme,  was  utterly 
unknown  to  me,  was  singing  a  cheap  street 
ballad  in  a  cracked  voice.  I  gave  the  Ameri- 
can Friend  a  reproachful  glance.  He  only 
laughed,  and  ordered  a  bottle  of  champagne. 
The  place  was  thick  with  the  smoke  of  cigars. 
Every  one  was  in  evening  dress,  and  it  was  evi- 


How  the  Wits  Unbend  189 

dent  that  the  greater  part  of  the  audience  was 
familiar  with  the  usages  of  good  society.  The 
only  concession  to  Bohemianism  was  the  cigars 
and  the  tables  for  refreshments.  The  Earl  of 
Drippingeaves  bowed  to  me  from  the  opposite 
side  of  the  theatre ;  but  I  pretended  not  to 
recognize  him.  When  the  lady  with  the 
cracked  voice  had  been  followed  by  a  red-faced 
gentleman  with  no  voice  at  all,  a  monologuist 
who  could  not  remember  his  lines,  and  several 
more  of  the  most  dismal  failures  to  entertain  I 
had  ever  encountered,  I  turned  to  the  Ameri- 
can Friend  with  an  indignant  demand  for  an 
explanation. 

"  Oh,  this  is  merely  preliminary,"  he  said. 
"  This  programme  is  specially  arranged  for  the 
nobodies." 

"The  nobodies?" 

"  Yes,  for  people  whose  applications  for  invi- 
tations cannot  very  well  be  refused,  yet  who 
have  no  real  claim  on  the  Club's  hospitality." 

"  Where  do  we  come  in  ?  "  I  asked,  anxiously. 

"  We  are  among  the  elect,  my  dear.  Just  be 
patient  for  a  few  minutes  longer." 

The  entertainment  became  more  gruesome, 
if  possible,  as  it  proceeded ;  but  eacJi  number 
was  vigorously  applauded  by  the  "nobodies," 


190       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

who  followed  the  example  of  prominent  club 
members,  that  crafty  example  apparently  con- 
vincing them  of  the  error  of  their  own  judg- 
ment. When  the  ordeal  was  over  the  "no- 
bodies "  departed  in  high  spirits,  evidently 
under  the  impression  that  they  had  been  bona 
fide  guests  of  the  Muses  Club,  and,  accordingly, 
would  be  the  envy  ever  afterward  of  their  friends 
who  had  sought  that  honor  in  vain. 

The  President  of  the  club,  a  successful  libret- 
tist, who  had  maintained  a  solemn  and  pomp- 
ous demeanor  in  the  presence  of  the  nobodies, 
became  instantly  transformed  into  a  witty  and 
most  agreeable  companion.  He  placed  me  under 
his  personal  protection,  introducing  me  to  sev- 
eral ladies  and  gentlemen  occupying  high  posi- 
tions on  the  stage  and  in  the  fields  of  art  and 
literature,  and  finally  leading  the  way  to  the 
supper-room,  where  a  single  long  table  was 
presently  surrounded  by  a  score  of  guests,  all 
in  evening  dress,  but  all  having  shaken  off  the 
noli  me  tangere  aspect  which  had  rendered  their 
presence  so  chilling  in  the  theatre.  When  we 
sat  down  there  were  six  or  seven  places  still 
vacant.  When  the  champagne  corks  had  be- 
gun to  pop  one  of  the  vacant  places  was  quietly 
taken  by  a  little  man  with  a  sharp,  inquisitive 


How  the  Wits  Unbend  191 

nose,  hollow  cheeks,  deep-set  eyes,  and  a  smile 
that  illuminated  his  ugly  face  in  a  manner 
wonderful  to  behold.  He  was  almost  shabbily 
dressed  in  a  rough  sack  suit.  For  a  moment  I 
wondered  whether  his  presence  would  be  toler- 
ated. The  next  moment  my  wonder  took  an 
entirely  different  direction.  The  progress  of 
the  banquet  was  interrupted  by  what  seemed 
to  be  a  general  determination  to  do  the  little 
plain  man  honor.  The  President  left  his  seat 
and  went  over  to  shake  the  little  man's  hand 
warmly  and  begin  an  animated  conversation 
with  him.  Others  left  their  places  and  gath- 
ered about  his  chair.  A  celebrated  actress  play- 
fully pushed  macaroons  into  the  little  man's 
mouth  so  rapidly  that  he  was  unable  to  answer 
the  witty  questions  she  deluged  him  with. 

"  Who  is  the  ragamuffin  with  the  funny  face  ?  " 
I  asked,  addressing  the  American  Friend. 

"  That  is  a  London  celebrity,  my  dear,  whom 
you  may  only  meet  socially  when  you  are  your- 
self a  specially  honored  guest  of  the  Muses 
Club.  Once  the  Duchess  of  Edgecombe  sent 
her  carriage  for  him.  He  sent  back  word  that 
his  time  was  worth  a  guinea  a  minute." 

"  If  he  told  the  truth,"  said  I,  "  why  doesn't  he 
purchase  himself  a  respectable  suit  of  clothes  ?  " 


192       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  He  never  thinks  of  clothes.  There  are  good 
grounds  to  believe  that  he  sleeps  in  those  he  has 
on." 

"I  believe  it,  at  any  rate.  Look  at  his  fin- 
ger nails." 

"  He  lives  in  his  studio ;  he  is  a  famous  land- 
scape painter." 

"Has  he'never  heard  of  soap?" 
"  He  is  too  busy  to  think  of  soap." 
"  How  sunken  are  his  eyes  and  his  cheeks." 
"  He  sits  up  all  night  writing  sonnets  for 
the  publishers,  lyrics  for  opera  librettists ;  his 
cheeks  are  sunken  because  he  forgets  to  eat." 
"  What  an  expressive  face  he  has." 
"  There  is  no  better  pantomimist  in  London." 
"In  spite  of  his  ill-fitting  clothes  there  is  a 
grace  about  his  movements  that " — 

"He  is  the  best  male  dancer  in  London — a 
ballet  master  whose  authority  is  never  ques- 
tioned by  the  managers  who  can  afford  to  em- 
ploy him." 

"  His  speaking  voice  seems  musical ;  you  have 
only  to  add  that  he  is  the  greatest  tenor  in  Eu- 
rope to  bring  me  to  his  feet,"  said  I. 

"  If  Jean  De  Reszke  had  his  marvelous  power 
of  expressing  the  utmost  significance  of  the 
sentiment  to  which  his  music  is  set,  the  great 


How  the  Wits  Unbend  193 

tenor  would  be  incomparably  greater  than  he 
now  is.  This  little  man  is  absolute  master  of  all 
means  of  expression.  Abstract  ideals  of  beauty, 
of  which  every  imaginative  mind  is  conscious, 
find  different  forms  of  outward  manifestation. 
All  these  forms  were  known  to  savages.  The 
individual  whose  sense  of  sight  is  best  developed 
expresses  his  ideal  of  beauty  with  the  pencil, 
the  brush  or  the  chisel ;  the  imaginative  person 
whose  sense  of  hearing  is  especially  acute,  and 
whose  mind  is  orderty,  expresses  his  ideal  in 
the  harmony  of  sounds ;  and  so  throughout  the 
category  of  the  senses.  The  possession  of  a 
sensitive  palate  brings  into  being  a  great  cook, 
whom  kings  delight  to  honor.  The  cook's  ideal 
is,  in  the  abstract,  no  less  beautiful  than  that  of 
the  painter  or  the  composer.  The  abstract  ideal 
of  beauty  is  universal.  Occasionally  it  finds 
universal  expression.  I  have  no  doubt  that  the 
plain  little  man  over  there  has  a  palate  as  sensi- 
tive as  that  of  the  chef  of  the  Savoy  ;  and  that 
if  he  is  not  already  a  great  cook,  it  is  simply 
because  he  has  not  yet  discovered  his  palate." 

"  Thank  you,"  said  I ;  "  how  extremely  in- 
teresting. But,  listen — something  is  going  to 
happen." 

The  little  man  had  risen,  and,  surrounded  by 


194       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

an  admiring  group,  was  striking  a  series  of 
attitudes  for  the  enlightenment  of  the  actress. 
The  movements  of  his  body  seemed  as  intelli- 
gible as  a  spoken  language.  The  actress 
clapped  her  hands. 

"  You  are  right,  Geordie ;  you  are  always 
right."  And  she  fed  him  with  more  macaroons. 

"  Good  gracious  !  "  I  exclaimed ;  "  she  calls 
the  great  man,  '  Geordie !  ' " 

"  So  do  all  the  elect  at  the  Muses  Club  !  " 
said  the  American  Friend. 

"  Have  you  written  anything  more  that  is 
too  good  for  the  public,  Geordie  ?  "  the  actress 
was  saying  between  macaroons. 

"Nothing  can  be  too  good  for  the  public," 
said  the  little  man.  ;t  Some  things  good  in  con- 
ception lack  artistic  discretion  in  their  execu- 
tion. I  believe  I  have  in  mind  an  instance  or 
two,  which  I  might  " — 

"  Hear  !  Hear !  "  cried  a  dozen  enthusiastic 
voices. 

"  Do  you  mean  the  things  we  had  that  dis- 
pute about  in  your  studio  day  before  yester- 
day ?  "  asked  the  brilliant  young  composer  who 
sat  at  the  end  of  the  table  opposite  the  Presi- 
dent. 

"  Yes,"  answered  the  little  man ;  "  but  you 


How  the  Wits  Unbend  195 

were  mistaken.  It  depends  on  the  interpreta- 
tion. The  words  are  nothing ;  the  interpreta- 
tion in  voice  and  action  is  everything.  With- 
out proper  interpretation  the  public  will  see 
only  the  author's  indiscretion." 

"  Oh,  come,  now,  Geordie.  What  do  we 
care  for  the  public  here  ?  Let  the  public  go 
hang.  Ladies  and  gentlemen,  Geordie  and  I 
will  now  proceed  to  show  you  what  the  public 
misses,  not  owing  to  the  sterility  of  our  au- 
thors "— 

"  Hear !  Hear  !  "  said  a  trio  of  well-known 
song  writers  sitting  in  a  bunch. 

"  But  owing  to  the  lamentable  paucity  of  in- 
terpretative artists — present  company  of  course 
excepted,"  added  the  composer,  as  the  actress 
made  a  defiant  face  at  him.  "  Ladies  and  gen- 
tlemen, Geordie  will  now  interpret  for  you  that 
monument  of  artistic  indiscretion  called  *  The 
Interrupted  Serenade.' " 

Whereupon  the  composer  took  his  seat  at  the 
piano  and  struck  up  a  spirited  Spanish  martial 
air.  Instantly  the  whole  aspect  of  the  little 
man  was  transformed.  He  seemed  to  become 
many  inches  taller.  Pride  of  ancestry  was  in 
the  glance  of  his  haughty  eye.  No  one  saw  his 
stained  fingers,  his  shabby,  ill-fitting  clothes; 


196       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

they  saw  only  a  Spanish  Cavalier.  Presently 
the  music,  without  loosing  its  character  soft- 
ened into  a  succession  of  chords  which  seemed 
to  invite  declamation,  and  the  Cavalier  began 
to  recite  the  first  verse  of — 

THE  INTEEEUPTED  SEEENADE 

Don  Cervantes  Christobal 

Loved  Inez  of  Seville, 
And  Inez  loved  Don  Christobal, 

Yet  snubbed  him  with  a  will. 
For  Christobal,  in  brave  array, 

Each  night  his  lute  would  bring, 
And  'neath  her  window  he  would  play 

And  thus  would  try  to  sing : 

Here  the  piano  accompaniment  flowed  into 
the  familiar  measures  of  a  Spanish  serenade, 
the  composer  expertly  imitating  the  twanging 
of  guitar  strings.  The  attitude  of  the  Cavalier 
became  that  of  a  love-lorn  swain  standing  be- 
neath the  window  of  his  lady  love.  He  struck 
the  strings  of  his  imaginary  lute,  and,  suddenly 
twisting  his  countenance  into  an  appropriate, 
while  extremely  ludicrous,  expression,  sang  the 
refrain : 

Oh,  lul-lnl-lul-lady  fuf-fuf-fuf-fuf-fair, 

O-pup-pen  thy  window  to  me. 
Huh-heavy  with  perfume  the  mum-midnight  air, 

Fuf-full  is  mum-my  heart  of  thee. 


How  the  Wits  Unbend  197 

One  gul-gul-gul-ance  of  thy  bub-beauteous  face 

My  bosom  with  ju-joy  would  fill ; 
One  sight  of  thy  mum-mum-mum-mum-matchless  grace 

With  rapture  mum-my  soul  would  thrill. 

The  absurdity  of  the  travesty,  and  the  side- 
splitting manner  in  which  it  was  interpreted, 
threw  those  about  the  table  into  convulsions  of 
merriment.  But  the  composer  held  up  his  hand 
in  warning  that  the  climax  had  not  yet  been 
reached,  and  Geordie  began  the  recitation  of 
the  other  verse : 

Inez  of  Seville  at  length 

Bethought  her  of  a  plan 
To  stop  these  stutt'ring  serenades, 

And  to  her  window  ran. 
"I'll  mix  reproof  with  compliment," 

She  said,  and  then  she  sighed  — 
She  loved  the  Knight,  you  understand  — 

Then  threw  the  lattice  wide : 

Now  the  little  man  underwent  another  trans- 
formation. He  was  no  longer  the  Spanish 
Cavalier,  nor  the  stuttering  serenader;  but 
Inez  of  Seville  looking  down  from  her  casement 
and  singing  mischievously : 

Oh,  dud-dud-dud-dud-dud-dud-Don  Christobal, 

O-pup-pen  thine  ears  to  mum-me. 
Why  sus-sus-sus-sing  at  tut-tut-tut-all  ? 

Dud-dancing's  much  better  for  thee. 


198       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

Your  tut-tut-tut-tongue  it  is  tut-tut-tut-tied, 

Your  lul-lul-lul-legs  are  a  dream  ; 
Juat  dud-dud-dud-dance  for  thine  Inez  awhile, 

And  sus-sus-sus-see  how  it  will  seem ! 

Paying  no  attention  to  the  shrieks  of  laugh- 
ter from  those  who  surrounded  the  supper  table, 
the  little  man  broke  into  a  wild  dance  with  pan- 
tomimic adjuncts,  in  which  he  was  presently 
joined  by  the  actress.  Together,  while  the  com- 
poser continued  to  officiate  in  perfect  sympathy 
at  the  piano,  they  represented,  with  burlesque 
variations,  most  of  the  music-hall  specialties  at 
that  time  popular.  In  spite  of  his  extraordi- 
nary exertions  the  little  man  showed  abso- 
lutely no  evidence  of  fatigue.  The  only  inter- 
ruption of  his  novel  and  varied  performance 
was  when  the  actress  insisted  on  feeding  him 
ice  cream  with  a  large  spoon  in  order  to  dem- 
onstrate that  "  Geordie's  mouth  was  built  on 
the  same  patent  collapsable,  elastic,  generally 
adaptable,  plan  that  distinguished  his  recent 
invention  of  Universal  Christmas  Pantomime 
Scenery."  Upon  the  successful  conclusion  of 
this  demonstration,  the  composer,  who  had 
taken  upon  himself  the  office  of  master  of  cere- 
monies, rapped  for  order  and  said : 

"Geordie  will  now  give  an  imitation  of  a 


How  the  Wits  Unbend  199 

timid  young  man  dining  tite-d-tite  with  a  pretty 
girl  who  expects  to  be  kissed  after  dessert." 

"  Hear !  Hear !  "  I  found  myself  saying  with 
the  others. 

The  little  man  placed  a  single  chair  at  a  little 
distance  from  the  piano,  from  which  the  com- 
poser had  begun  to  extract  a  programme  of 
second-class  table  d'hote  music.  Then,  with  a 
startled  look  accompanied  by  many  evidences 
of  extreme  nervousness,  he  appeared  to  enter 
from  the  street  with  a  lady,  which  imaginary 
person  he  seated  in  an  imaginary  chair  which 
he  pushed  up  carefully  to  an  imaginary  table, 
and  then  seated  himself  opposite  to  her  in  the 
real  chair  already  mentioned.  No  further  de- 
scription is  necessary  to  indicate  the  manner  in 
which  this  extraordinary  person,  half  singing, 
half  reciting,  illuminated  the  two  verses  of  the 
song  called : 

PIT-A-PAT  I  PALPITATE 

Whene'er  Chlorinda  dines  with  me 

At  Signer  Tonti's  table  d'hote, 
From  soup  to  coffee  dimples  she 

Coy  meanings  -which  I,  trembling,  note ; 
For  when  the  menu  pleases  her, 

(Which  Tonti's  rarely  fails  to  do) 
My  woes  her  soft  emotions  stir  — 


2oo       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

And  then's  the  time  for  me  to  woo ! 
Alas !  uncertain  of  my  fate, 

Pit-a-pat  I  palpitate ! 
The  consomme  cools  on  my  plate  — 

Pit-a-pit  I  palpitate ! 
I  tremble  lest  I  am  too  late, 
I'm  in  a  very  nervous  state  — 

Pit-a-pat  I  palpitate! 

Pit-a-pat  I  palpitate ! 

The  band's  sweet  strains  fall  on  my  heart 

As  though  to  spur  my  lagging  zeal ; 
Chlorinda's  red  lips  gently  part, 

Her  bosom  heaves  in  mute  appeal. 
Yet  I  for  courage  pray  in  vain, 

Nor  can  my  scattered  wits  arrange ; 
The  waiter  comes  and  goes  again  — - 

I  pay  the  bill,  he  keeps  the  change. 
Alas !    Alack !  my  doleful  fate ! 

Pit-a-apat  I  palpitate ! 
Chlorinda's  brows  are  dark  with  hate  — 

Pit-a-pat  I  palpitate! 
Ob,  now  I  know  I  am  too  late. 
I'm  in  a  very  wretched  state  — 

Pit-a-pat  I  palpitate ! 

Pit-a-pat  I  palpitate ! 

As  may  be  imagined,  our  party  was  now  in  * 
very  merry  mood  verging  closely  on  the  hilari* 
ous.  Several  of  those  about  the  table  had  been 
crowned  by  their  companions  with  wreaths 
twined  from  the  handsome  floral  decorations. 
Geordie's  genius  suddenly  took  a  classical  turn. 


How  the  Wits  Unbend          201 

Dexterously  draping  his  lean  figure  in  a  table 
cloth  he  began  posing  as  a  Vestal  Virgin. 

"  Silence ! "  commanded  the  master  of  cere- 
monies. "  We  will  now  have  something  emi- 
nently worthy  of  the  occasion.  All  those  wear- 
ing wreaths  will  form  over  here  by  the  piano 
for  the  chorus.  Geordie  will  now  relate  how 
the  Ionian  Maid  explained — ahem — to  the — 
er — to  the  proper  authorities  how  she  came  to 
lose — ahem — to  lose  something  which  she  could 
never  hope  to  regain." 

"  Hear !  Hear !  "  cried  everybody,  while  the 
chorus  formed  as  directed,  the  composer  struck 
some  chords  of  appropriate  sylvan  simplicity, 
and  the  little  man  proceeded  to  interpret  with 
the  assistance  of  the  chorus : 

THE  IONIAN  MAID'S  EXCUSE 

Love  took  me  by  the  band  one  day 

And  led  me  o'er  tbe  flowery  plain  ; 
Oh,  merry  as  a  cbild  at  play, 

He  laughed,  nor  thought  of  age  nor  pain. 
Love,  youth  and  May  time ! 

Over  the  flow'ry  meads  we  go. 
Ah,  then  is  playtime  — 

Youth,  love  and  flowers  will  have  it  so! 

Love  laughed  away  my  prudent  fears ; 

He  crowned  me  with  a  wreath  of  flowers ; 
He  said  that  age  was  time  for  tears, 

And  bade  me  laugh  while  youth  was  oars. 


2O2       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

Love,  youth  and  Maytime  ! 

Over  the  flow'ry  meads  we  go. 
Ah,  then  is  playtime  — 

Love,  youth  and  flowers  will  have  it  so ! 

Finally  every  one  present,  save  the  American 
Friend  and  myself,  joined  in  the  refrain  of  this 
somewhat  suggestive  ditty,  forming  with  the 
chorus  and  accompanying  their  singing  with 
classical  Greek  poses  which  were,  of  course, 
perfectly  dignified  and  decorous. 

This  was  deemed  an  appropriate  conclusion  of 
the  ceremony  of  the  "  Unbending  of  the  Wits," 
as  the  American  Friend  termed  it.  A  few  min- 
utes later  we  were  all  departing,  after  I  had  re- 
ceived the  most  cordial  assurances  that "  London 
was  not  at  all  a  stupid  place  when  you  come  to 
penetrate  beneath  the  surface."  I  felt  that  I 
could  heartily  endorse  the  sentiment. 


CHAPTER  XV 

TOMMY  ATKINS   IN  THE  TOILS 

ONE  night  a  little  more  than  a  week  after 
Tommy  Atkins'  rash  acceptance  of  Captain 
Lively 's  invitation  to  a  late  supper  at  Hyde 
Park  Barracks,  I  noticed  that  presistent  person 
sitting  in  a  front  stall  bending  upon  myself 
and  my  understudy — Tommy  appearing  now  in 
the  small  part  which  utilized  her  talents  ordi- 
narily— looks  of  settled  gloom,  in  which  it 
seemed  to  me  there  was  a  suggestion  of  men- 
ace. Had  the  Captain  discovered  his  error? 
Was  he  able  at  last  to  distinguish  between  the 
genuine  article  and  its  imitation?  Was  he 
aware  that  he  had  been  lavishing  upon  the 
understudy  attentions  intended  for  the  prima 
donna?  If  so,  what  did  he  purpose  doing  about 
it?  I  felt  that  I,  as  well  as  Tommy,  could 
await  the  sequel  with  equanimity.  What  could 
Captain  Lively  consistently,  and  with  dignity 
becoming  his  station,  do  but  keep  his  own 
council  ? 

But  I  had  not  at  that  time  acquired  the  large 

203 


204       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

knowledge  respecting  the  typical  British  male 
character  which  I  now  possess.  A  brief  digres- 
sion will  enable  me  to  prepare  the  mind  of  my 
American  readers  to  receive  with  entire  con- 
fidence the  plain  statement  I  am  about  to  make 
of  Captain  Lively 's  subsequent  behavior. 

There  is  no  greater  fallacy  than  that  which 
pictures  the  average  Englishman  as  a  reckless 
spendthrift.  My  countrymen  are  too  apt  to 
form  their  judgment  upon  the  conduct  of  the 
exceptions — upon  the  dissipated  noblemen  who 
squander  their  substance  in  usurious  interest 
paid  to  Jew  money  lenders,  upon  men  at  the 
head  of  their  professions  who  ruin  themselves 
at  the  gaming  tables  of  Monte  Carlo,  and  upon 
those  Napoleons  of  finance  who  sink  brilliantly 
in  the  maelstrom  of  their  own  collapsed  enter- 
prises. These  are  exceptions,  and  exceedingly 
rare  ones  at  that.  The  average  Englishman  is 
a  monument  of  practical  sense  and  conduct. 
If  he  sees  that  you  are  a  gentleman — according 
to  the  English  standard  which  prescribes  that 
your  pocket  always  contains  a  sovereign  or  two 
wherewith  to  meet  promptly  the  small  obliga- 
tions which  constantly  stare  a  gentleman  in  the 
face  in  London,  not  to  speak  of  the  nimble  shill- 
ing with  which  to  tip  the  British  servitor — he 


Tommy  Atkins  in  the  Toils      205 

will  invite  you  to  his  club,  to  his  town  and  his 
country  house,  and  will  entertain  you  lavishly. 
But  if  you  should  find  yourself  short  of  funds, 
even  temporarily,  do  not  dream  of  confessing  it 
even  in  a  whisper  to  yourself.  Steal  silently 
away  on  your  last  shilling.  To  request  of  him 
the  temporary  loan  of  ten  pounds  would  be 
fatal.  The  temperature  of  the  Klondike  in 
January  is  balmy  to  that  with  which  he  would 
be  instantly  enveloped.  And  he  will  never 
thaw  to  you  again. 

Don't  believe  the  stories  of  those  who  declare 
that  Englishmen  are  reckless  investors.  They 
are  gamblers,  but  they  gamble  only  according 
to  their  means.  The  national  family  idol  of 
England  is  the  Fixed  Income.  Except  among 
the  laboring  and  the  poorest  classes  even  the 
children  have  fixed  incomes.  This  is  the  sys- 
tem :  We  will  say  that  the  head  of  a  family,  a 
country  property-holder,  has  a  rent  roll  which 
foots  up  twenty  thousand  pounds  annually. 
One  half  of  this  is  required  to  maintain  the 
family  and  meet  the  permanent  charges  of  the 
estate.  Half  of  the  remainder  will  be  invested 
safely,  say  in  British  consols,  or  in  real  estate, 
the  compounding  of  the  resulting  income  year 
after  year  forming  usually  funds  for  other  spe- 


206       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

cific  investments  which  are  made  in  the  names 
of  the  young  members  of  the  family,  who,  as 
they  become  old  enough  to  appreciate  the  ad- 
vantages of  an  independent  income,  however 
small,  are  initiated  into  the  mysteries  of  the 
system  and  proceed  to  draw  their  own  checks 
to  meet  their  personal  expenses.  As  they  grow 
older  and  these  expenses  increase  their  princi- 
pals are  augmented  by  legacies  left  them  by 
relatives,  which  are  one  of  the  delightful  and 
inevitable  consequences  of  the  operation  of  this 
system.  And  so,  from  generation  to  genera- 
tion, the  ball  keeps  rolling.  Every  member  of 
the  family,  uncles,  aunts,  cousins,  down  to  the 
poorest  relation,  has  a  fixed  income,  big  or  lit- 
tle, and  enjoys  the  esteem  of  British  society 
accordingly. 

In  our  financial  scheme  it  will  be  observed 
that  we  have  left  an  annual  surplus  of  five 
thousand  pounds.  Having  met,  as  we  have 
seen,  all  the  fixed  obligations  of  his  system,  the 
head  of  the  family  regards  this  surplus  from 
the  standpoint  of  the  prudent  gambler.  In  its 
absence  American  promoters  and  English  Na- 
poleons of  finance  would  perish  of  starvation  in 
London,  and  the  gaming  tables  of  Monte  Carlo 
would  not  know  the  color  of  British  gold.  The 


Tommy  Atkins  in  the  Toils       207 

possessor  of  these  five  thousand  pounds  is  will- 
ing to  risk  them  on  any  enterprise  that  holds 
forth  reasonable  inducements  of  large  gain. 
He  hopes  to  win,  but  he  is  prepared  to  lose. 
He  usually  loses,  of  course.  But  he  can  afford 
to,  and  that  is  the  reason  why  American  pro- 
moters continue  to  live  in  the  best  hotels  in  the 
British  metropolis. 

Practically  all  English  army  officers  are  bene- 
ficiaries of  the  system  I  have  described — a  fact 
which  will  tend  further  to  give  credence  to 
the  revelations  respecting  Captain  Lively  and 
Tommy  Atkins  with  which  Prue  regaled  me 
while  I  was  dressing  for  the  second  act. 

Prue  seemed  preoccupied.  She  laid  out  the 
wrong  stockings,  and  she  pricked  me  twice 
while  repairing  a  rent  in  my  bodice. 

"  Prue,"  I  said,  finally.  "  You  'have  some- 
thing on  your  mind." 

"  I  have,  indeed."     And  she  sighed. 

"  Is  the  rent  due  again  ?  "  I  asked,  with  trep- 
idation. 

"  The  rent  is  paid  a  month  in  advance."  And 
she  sighed  again. 

"  Prue,  you  are  homesick." 

"  And  you,"  retorted  Prue,  "  are  as  blind  as 
a  bat." 


208       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  Surely  you  don't  mean,"  I  began  in  alarm, 
"  that  Daffy  and  the  Liar  "— 

"  That  pair  of  idiots,  bah !  "  interrupted  my 
companion  with  an  expression  of  supreme  dis- 
dain. "  No,  I  don't  even  mean  Miss  Casino  and 
Lord  Dangerford  " — 

"  Countess  Pipedreme  and  Lord  Dangerford, 
is  you  please,"  I  interrupted  in  my  turn.  "  Have 
you  already  forgotten  the  little  comedy  at  the 
Ascot  races  of  which  I  told  you?" 

"  And  you  have  forgotten  the  quarrel  be- 
tween Lord  Dangerford  and  Captain  Lively 
at  the  Pall  Mall  Club,  which  was  more  than 
hinted  at  in  yesterday's  Gazette  ?  "  said  Prue. 

"  Not  guilty,  Prue,"  I  answered,  laughing. 
"  Tommy  Atkins,  not  I,  was  the  casus  belli 
You  know  that  as  well  as  I  do." 

"  And  you  know,"  croaked  Prue,  "  that 
Tommy  Atkins  doesn't  enter  into  the  matter 
at  all  except  as  your  double.  Trouble  is  com- 
ing out  of  it,  mark  my  word.  That  English 
upstart  in  the  chorus — Sloppy  Weather — has 
been  stirring  it  up  for  a  week  past." 

"Sloppy  Weather,"  I  laughed.  "Isn't  she 
the  absurd  creature  who  is  fined  regularly  each 
week  for  her  slipshod  way  of  dressing  ?  " 

"  She  deserves  it,  too." 


Tommy  Atkins  in  the  Toils       209 

"She  always  makes  the  same  comment  when 
she  opens  her  envelope  and  finds  her  salary 
seven  shillings  short :  *  I  consider  the  conduct 
of  the  manager  most  undignified.'  Is  that  the 
girl,  Prue  ?  " 

"  That's  the  girl.  Haven't  you  noticed  how 
popular  she  has  suddenly  become  with  the  other 
girls  in  the  company  ?  " 

"  No ;  is  that  possible  ?  " 

"And  how  they  are  all  giving  Tommy  Atkins 
the  cold  shoulder  ?  " 

"  No,  I  hadn't  observed  it." 

Prue  heaved  a  third  sigh,  longer  drawn  and 
more  ominous  than  either  of  the  others. 

"Well,  Prue?" 

"  It's  all  on  account  of  Tommy's  diamonds," 
snapped  my  companion. 

"You  don't  mean  that  Tommy  Atkins  is 
wearing  diamonds?  You  can't  mean  Tommy 
Atkins,  Prue?"  It  was  my  turn  to  become 
agitated. 

"  She's  covered  with  them." 

"Prue,"  I  said  with  energy,  "don't  you  go 
about  croaking  and  shaking  your  head  on 
Tommy  Atkins'  account.  Tommy's  all  right." 

"She    wears    diamonds    worth   a   thousand 


2io       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

pounds.  Hardly  a  girl  in  the  company  has 
spoken  to  her  for  a  week." 

"  They  are  jealous,"  said  I. 

"She  rides  in  Rotten  Row  every  morning 
with  Captain  Lively." 

"  That's  Tommy's  own  affair,  Prue." 

"Daffy  says  she  saw  her  driving  in  Hyde 
Park  in  a  brougham." 

"Well,  what  of  that,  so  long  as  it  isn't 
Tommy's  brougham  ?  " 

"Who  says  it  isn't  Tommy's  brougham?" 
croaked  Prue. 

"  I  do,"  I  replied,  stoutly. 

"  You  said  the  same  thing  about  Totsy  Wenn, 
who  drove  to  the  theatre  in  a  brougham  on  the 
third  night  after  our  opening,  who  left  the  com- 
pany the  next  day,  and  who,  if  half  the  stories 
about  her  may  be  believed,  is  mistress  of  one 
of  the  handsomest  apartments  in  the  West 
End." 

"Prue,"  said  I,  "once  for  all  let  me  tell  you 
that  Totsy  Wenn  and  Tommy  Atkins  are  two 
persons.  They  are  no  more  alike  than  night  is 
like  day." 

Prue  hesitated  a  moment  and  then  said: 

"  Of  course  that  may  be  all  a  mistake  about 
Tommy  Atkins'  flat  in  Victoria  Street." 


;  Three  of  her  former  bosom  friends." — Page  21 1 


Tommy  Atkins  in  the  Toils       211 

"Who  is  responsible  for  that  calumny?"  I 
demanded. 

"  Sloppy  Weather  didn't  exactly  say  it ;  but 
she  hinted  it." 

"  Sloppy  Weather  will  do  well  to  be  a  little 
careful  about  her  hints.  Tommy  Atkins  lives 
in  an  ordinary  boarding-house  in  Gower  Street." 

"  Are  you  sure  ?  " 

"  Absolutely.  I  called  on  her  there  this  after- 
noon." 

During  the  progress  of  the  second  act  I  had 
an  opportunity  to  verify  Prue's  remark  about 
Tommy's  diamonds,  and  also  about  the  chilly 
attitude  toward  her  maintained  by  most  of  the 
girls  in  the  chorus.  A  diamond  pendant  of 
dazzling  brillancy  nestled  in  the  hollow  of 
Tommy's  pretty  throat ;  at  least  half  a  dozen 
diamonds,  a  handsome  ruby  and  an  emerald  or 
two  blazed  on  her  fingers.  She  seemed  to  be 
in  a  very  pleasant  frame  of  mind.  Once  when 
her  back  was  turned  toward  the  audience  I  saw 
her  laugh  and  snap  her  fingers  in  the  faces  of 
Sloppy  Weather  and  three  of  her  former  bosom 
friends.  In  his  stall  just  beyond  the  footlights 
Captain  Lively  still  sat  plunged  in  his  gloomy 
reflections. 

The  storm  suddenly  broke  while  I  was  chang- 


212       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

ing  for  the  third  act.  Little  Bobby,  looking  pale 
and  startled,  thrust  her  head  into  my  dressing- 
room  and  said : 

"  Come  as  quickly  as  you  can.  Tommy  At- 
kins has  been  arrested." 

"  Tommy  ?— Arrested  ?  " 

Little  Bobby,  breathless,  nodded.  "  She's  a 
prisoner  in  her  dressing-room.  She  says  you 
can  clear  her." 

"Say  that  I  will  come  immediately.  Prue, 
hurry  up  with  my  third  act  dress." 

Two  minutes  later  I  was  admitted  to  Tommy's 
room.  It  was  a  large  room  shared  with  three 
other  girls,  who  had  received  hasty  instructions 
from  the  stage  manager  to  vacate  the  premises. 
This  functionary,  wearing  a  belligerent  look, 
was  in  the  midst  of  a  sarcastic  argument  with 
a  bailiff,  while  a  dingy  gentleman  in  black  with 
a  long  sallow  face  and  a  red  nose,  holding  a  silk 
hat  in  his  hand,  kept  repeating : 

"  Be  careful,  my  dear  sir.  Do  be  careful  I 
beg  of  you.  Under  our  laws  language  is  action- 
able no  less  than  the  overt  act.  Restrain  your- 
self, I  beg  of  you." 

Tommy  Atkins,  perfectly  composed,  sat  star- 
ing quizzically  at  the  court  officer  and  the  dingy 
gentleman. 


Tommy  Atkins  in  the  Toils       213 

"  What  is  the  meaning  of  this  ?  "  I  demanded 
in  my  most  indignant  tones. 

"  Gently,  softly,  my  dear  young  lady,"  began 
the  dingy  gentleman ;  "  everything  can  be  ar- 
ranged, I  assure  you." 

"And  who  may  you  be,  sir?"  I  asked. 

"  Waxeni — Fletcher  Q.  Waxem,  madam;  four 
seventy  Temple  Chambers;  plaintiff 's  attorney 
in  the  case  of  Captain  Gerald  Lively  against 
Caroline  Clarke,  alias  Tommy  Atkins,  for  ob- 
taining valuable  jewels  under  false  pretenses." 

"  Not  guilty,"  said  Tommy  with  emphasis. 

"  Certainly  not,"  said  I. 

"Very  good;  very  good  indeed,"  said  Mr. 
Waxem,  with  a  professional  smile  of  approval. 
"  Unfortunately,  however,  witnesses  here  pres- 
ent are  prepared  to  identify  property  and  swear 
to  finding  same  in  possession  and  on  the  person 
of  defendant.  Would  state  that  it  is  in  my  dis- 
cretion, on  surrender  of  property,  to  suppress 
service  of  warrant." 

"Do  you  mean,"  said  I,  "that  if  Tommy  At- 
kins gives  up  the  diamonds  " — 

"  I  won't  give  up  the  diamonds,"  said  Tommy, 
in  a  cool,  hard  voice. 

"Certainly  she  won't  give  up  the  diamonds," 
said  the  stage  manager,  adding  a  few  native 


214       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

American  expletives  which  caused  Mr.  Waxera 
to  hold  up  his  warning  finger  again. 

"  Certainly  we  will  not  give  up  the  diamonds," 
said  I.  "  Your  accusation  is  rubbish.  Do  your 
worst." 

Mr.  Waxem  looked  disappointed.  "Very 
serious  charge,"  he  said,  casting  a  solemn  look 
in  Tommy's  direction.  "  Evidence  conclusive. 
Sentence  of  the  court  in  all  probability  trans- 
portation." 

"  Rubbish !  "  exclaimed  Tommy.  "  You  tell 
your  precious  client  to  meet  me  in  the  Police 
Court  to-morrow  morning.  I'll  make  him  look 
like  tuppence  ha'penny.  I'm  ready,  Officer." 
And  Tommy,  throwing  a  long  cloak  over  her 
stage  costume,  exhibited  her  willingness  to  de- 
part at  once. 

The  lawyer  threw  open  the  door  and  mo- 
tioned to  the  officer.  I  thought  at  the  time 
that  he  was  bluffing  and  later  developments 
proved  that  I  was  not  mistaken. 

"Don't  you  be  so  keen,"  said  the  officer,  sul- 
lenly ;  "  I  ain't  satisfied  about  this  'ere  case." 

"  You  didn't  issue  the  warrant,"  sneered  the 
attorney. 

"  But  it's  in  my  discretion  to  serve  it  or  tear 
it  up,"  retorted  the  bailiff. 


Tommy  Atkins  in  the  Toils       215 

"You'd  better  not  let  your  discretion  run 
away  with  you.  Defendant  admits  she's  not 
Miss  Casino." 

"  What  of  that  ?  "  demanded  Tommy,  throw- 
ing off  her  cloak. 

"  Statement's  equivalent  to  admission  of  false 
pretenses,"  said  the  dingy  man. 

"  Rubbish,"  said  Tommy. 

The  door  had  been  left  open.  Little  Bobby, 
the  Comedienne,  Daffy,  and  Sloppy  Weather 
had  entered,  and  half  a  dozen  chorus  girls'  anx- 
ious faces  looked  in  over  their  shoulders.  The 
bailiff  glanced  again  at  the  warrant  which  he 
held  in  his  hand,  reflected  a  moment,  and  said 
to  Tommy : 

"  I  don't  want  to  serve  this  'ere  paper.  It's 
a  serious  matter  and  would  make  you  a  lot  of 
trouble  whichever  way  the  case  went.  My  ad- 
vice is  that  you  give  up  the  diamonds  to  Cap- 
tain Lively's  attorney." 

"Never,"  said  Tommy  with  angry  emphasis. 
Then  turning  to  the  group  in  the  door,  she 
said: 

"  Girls,  did  any  of  you  ever  see  me  wear  a 
diamond  until  a  week  ago  ?  " 

"  No,"  said  Little  Bobby.  The  others  shook 
their  heads. 


216       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"You  never  had  the  chance,"  said  Sloppy 
Weather,  spitefully. 

"  Shut  up,  you  cat,"  said  Daffy,  turning  sav- 
agely on  the  English  girl.  Plainly  the  tide  of 
public  opinion  back  of  the  scenes  was  turning 
in  Tommy's  favor. 

"  I  consider  your  language  most  undignified," 
said  Sloppy  Weather. 

To  the  manifest  alarm  of  the  attorney, 
Tommy  Atkins  was  removing  the  diamonds 
from  her  neck  and  her  ringers.  Presently, 
holding  the  glittering  heap  in  her  hand,  she 
said: 

"  Girls,  I  care  nothing  for  such  trinkets.  I 
never  did.  All  I  care  about  now  is  teaching 
Captain  Lively  a  lesson  that  he'll  remember — a 
lesson  that  all  his  dissipated  companions  will 
hear  of  and  take  to  heart.  Girls,  do  I  need  to 
explain  to  you  the  base  motive  which  prompted 
Captain  Gerald  Lively,  of  Her  Majesty's  Life 
Guards,  to  give  me  these  diamonds  ?  " 

w  No !  "  screamed  a  chorus  of  angry  voices. 

"  Do  you  believe  me  when  I  declare  on  my 
honor  that  I  accepted  them  without  any  sacri- 
fice of  my  self-respect?" 

"Yes  I" 


Tommy  Atkins  in  the  Toils       217 

"  Captain  Lively's  demand  for  the  return  of 
the  jewels  proves  that,  my  dear,"  said  I. 

"  Thank  you,"  said  Tommy,  and  I  saw  that 
there  were  tears  in  her  eyes.  Then  turning  to 
the  attorney  she  said: 

"  You  may  report  to  your  client  that  I  not 
only  refuse  to  give  up  the  diamonds,  but  that 
I  have  distributed  them  among  my  personal 
friends  in  the  company  as  souvenirs  of  one 
victory  over  our  common  enemy." 

Tommy  held  up  the  diamond  pendant  and 
smiled  at  me : 

"  Will  you  take  this,  dear  ?  " 

"No,  my  dear,"  said  I.  "You  forget  that  I 
am  your  accomplice." 

"  You'll  take  it,  won't  you,  dear?  "  Tommy 
offered  the  jewel  to  the  Comedienne. 

"  Indeed  I  will,  you  darling !  " 

The  two  girls  fell  into  each  other's  arms. 
As  the  glittering  bauble  changed  hands  the 
dingy  man  began  dancing  up  and  down  in  his 
excitement. 

"  Officer,"  he  fairly  screamed,  "  you  are  my 
witness.  The  defendant  is  disposing  of  the 
stolen  property  " 

"  Sir ! "  said  Tommy,  sternly.  "  Stolen  ?  Re- 
peat that  if  you  please  I " 


218       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

Whereupon  she  began  distributing  the  rings. 
The  attorney,  now  frantic,  produced  a  note- 
book and  scribbled  away  for  dear  life : 

"  The  diamond  pendant  to  girl  known  as  the 
Comddienne;  medium  height,  with  dark  hair 
and  eyes.  Keep  your  eyes  open,  Officer !  Ring 
set  with  two  large  diamonds  to  girl  known  as 
Little  Bobby  ;  curly  hair  and  brown  eyes.  Make 
a  note  of  it,  Officer !  Eing  set  with  rubies  to 
girl  known  as  Daffy ;  tall  with  haughty  expres- 
sion. Make  a  note  of  it,  Officer ;  you  are  my 
witness."  And  so  on  until  the  last  diamond 
had  been  given  away. 

"  Aren't  you  going  to  keep  one  for  yourself, 
dear  ?  "  said  I. 

"  I  need  no  souvenir,"  replied  Tommy ;  "  I've 
had  the  experience." 

"  Officer,"  said  the  dingy  man,  panting  with 
anger  and  the  effects  of  his  exertions,  "  I  really 
think  we  are  justified  in  placing  all  these  ladies 
under  arrest." 

"Gammon!"  exclaimed  the  bailiff,  bending 
upon  Tommy  a  glance  of  sincere  admiration. 

"  False  pretenses  admitted,  disposal  of  prop- 
erty in  question  aggravates  offence,"  said  the 
attorney. 

"  There  were  no  false  pretenses,"  said  I. 


Tommy  Atkins  in  the  Toils       219 

"  Certainly  not,"  assented  Tommy. 

"  What !  "  screamed  the  dingy  man." 

"  I  told  Captain  Lively  in  Miss  Casino's  pres- 
ence that  I  was  not  the  person  he  had  called  to 
see,"  said  Tommy. 

"I  told  Captain  Lively  in  Tommy  Atkins' 
presence  that  I  was  Miss  Casino,  the  person  he 
had  called  to  see ;  but  he  would  not  believe  it," 
said  I. 

"  Ah-a,  a  witness !  a  witness !  "  screamed  the 
dingy  man,  the  perspiration  rolling  down  his 
face. 

I  saw  Prue's  face  in  the  doorway. 

"Prue,"  said  I,  "tell  this  gentleman  what 
you  know  about  it." 

"On  the  night  that  Captain  Lively  forced 
his  way  upon  the  stage,  and  to  the  door  of  Miss 
Casino's  dressing-room,"  said  Prue,  with  evident 
enjoyment,  "  Tommy  Atkins  was  preparing  to 
go  on  as  Miss  Casino's  understudy.  In  spite 
of  their  explanations  Captain  Lively  insisted 
upon  extending  his  invitation  to  Tommy.  I 
was  in  the  room  all  the  time.  Miss  Casino 
even  followed  them  to  the  Captain's  carriage, 
still  assuring  him  of  his  mistake ;  but  he  paid 
no  attention  to  her." 


22O       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  Drop  it  ?  "  said  the  officer  to  the  attorney, 
pocketing  his  warrant. 

The  dingy  man  was  showing  his  teeth.  He 
turned  to  Tommy. 

"  On  what  grounds  do  you  claim  the  dia- 
monds?" 

"  On  the  ground  that  they  were  presented  to 
me  by  Captain  Lively." 

"  What  return  did  you  make  to  Captain 
Lively  for  his — er — his  extreme  generosity  ?  " 

"My  society,"  said  Tommy;  "my  society 
three  times  at  supper  after  the  performance, 
five  mornings  and  four  afternoons  in  Hyde 
Park,  and  one  Sunday  on  the  Thames  to  Wind- 
sor and  back." 

"Don't  you  think  that  your  society  comes 
rather  high  at  a  thousand  pounds'  worth  of  dia- 
monds and  rubies  ?  " 

"Not  when  Captain  Gerald  Lively  is  the 
other  party,"  retorted  Tommy. 

"  Drop  it !  look  'ere  now,  Waxem,  you  drop 
it,"  said  the  bailiff. 

"  Hold  on,"  said  the  attorney,  triumphantly, 
"there's  another  charge.  How  about  drawing 
a  deadly  weapon  on  Her  Majesty's  uniform  at 
Hyde  Park  Barracks  on  the — let  me  see  " — the 
attorney  consulted  his  note-book — "on  the  nine- 


Tommy  Atkins  in  the  Toils       221 

teenth  day  of  May,  Anno  Domini,  eighteen  hun- 
dred and  ninety-eight?  How  about  drawing  a 
deadly  weapon  on  Captain  Lively,  Miss — Miss 
Tommy  Atkins?" 

Tommy's  face  was  scarlet.  But  she  held  her 
head  high  and  answered : 

"  Girls,  you  will  understand.  Captain  Lively 
was  intoxicated.  ...  It  was  after  supper. 
I  found  myself  suddenly  alone  with  him.  .  .  . 
When  I  sought  to  leave  the  place  I  discovered 
that  the  door  was  locked.  .  .  .  Captain 
Lively  was  in  no  condition  to  listen  to  rea- 
son. ...  I  was  at  his  mercy.  ...  At 
the  last  moment  I  did  the  only  thing  left  for 
me  to  do.  I  drew  this."  And  like  a  flash 
Tommy  whipped  from  its  mysterious  place  of 
concealment  the  terribly  business-like  revolver 
with  which  she  had  illustrated  for  me  her  Mon- 
tana experiences. 

"  Drop  it !  "  growled  the  bailiff. 

The  dingy  man  gasped  once  or  twice,  threw 
a  venomous  look  about  the  circle  of  derisive 
faces,  and  silently  departed,  the  bailiff  follow- 
ing at  his  heels. 

A  minute  later  the  curtain  rose  on  the  third 
act.  Captain  Lively  had  evidently  heard  his 
emissary's  report.  His  stall  was  empty. 


CHAPTER  XVI 

COUNTESS    PIPEDREME   FORGETS    HERSELF 

LADY  Slasher  turned  her  fine  eyes  full  upon 
my  own.  A  lovely  smile  illuminated  her  kind 
face,  too  often  saddened  by  the  expression  that 
mirrored  her  almost  constant  reflections  upon 
the  social  prejudices  which  dwarf  the  souls  and 
bodies  of  humanity.  She  seized  both  my  hands 
and  said  in  her  impulsive  way : 

"  Oh,  my  dear,  how  your  words  thrill  me  I  " 

"  They  are  the  expression  of  thoughts  that 
thrill  me,"  I  answered. 

"  Keep  on  having  such  thoughts,"  said  Lady 
Slasher  with  enthusiasm.  "  Keep  on  express- 
ing them.  The  thought  and  its  expression 
strengthen  the  will.  The  human  will,  when 
fully  impressed  upon  the  consciousness  of  its 
possessor,  is  as  nearly  omnipotent  as  anything 
this  side  of  Heaven.  Do  you  not  remember 
what  Balzac  says  about  the  will?  Ah,  that 
splendid  intellect!  He  refuses  to  limit  its 
powers  to  the  spiritual  side  of  man  which  gave 
it  birth.  He  boldly  declares  the  will  to  be  a 
material  force.  My  dear,  only  think  of  it.  You 

222 


Countess  Pipedreme  Forgets  Herself  223 

will  to  shatter  stone  battlements  and  forthwith 
they  crumble  into  dust !  " 

"  But  how  long  it  must  take  to  develop  one's 
will  to  a  point  where  it  is  strong  enough  to  ac- 
complish anything,"  I  said,  feeling  lamentably 
weak  in  the  presence  of  this  remarkable  woman. 

"  You  must  give  it  practice — daily  practice  on 
the  small  obstructions  first,"  said  Lady  Slasher. 
"  Your  will  gained  in  power  a  hundred  fold  when 
you  poured  those  ardently  patriotic  words  into 
the  ear  of  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury  which  in- 
spired His  Lordship  to  make  the  significant 
comment  which  you  just  now  repeated  to  me. 
Remember  that  the  next  time  you  meet  His 
Lordship.  His  will  in  that  matter,  if  not  al- 
ready secretly  coincident  with  your  own,  is  at 
least  passive.  It  is  a  field  made  ready  for  your 
sowing.  Seed  time  is  as  at  hand,  my  dear." 

"But  how  can  we  wait  for  the  harvest?"  I 
exclaimed.  "  When  you,  a  weak  young  girl 
like  myself,  in  your  American  home,  looked  at 
the  plump,  sleek,  perfect  bodies  of  the  little 
pigs  in  your  father's  barnyard,  you  know  that 
it  would  be  years  and  years  before  you  could 
prevail  upon  men  and  women  to  give  the  same 
attention  to  the  development  and  perpetuation 
of  their  own  species  that  every  one  who  has  pigs 


224       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

gives  to  the  future  of  their  Berkshirea  and  their 
Poland  Chinas.  You  knew  that  your  mission 
would  require  years,  perhaps  generations  for  its 
accomplishment;  mine  must  be  accomplished 
immediately.  Already  the  Powers — England 
alone  excepted — are  secretly  offering  their  ships 
to  Spain." 

Lady  Slasher  smiled  encouragingly.  "The 
opportunity  finds  the  man,  why  not  the  woman  ? 
My  dear,  I  fully  believe  that  in  this  emergency 
you  are  the  woman,  and  that  the  opportunity  is 
at  hand.  You  shall  help  me  receive  this  after- 
noon. I  can  hardly  hope  for  so  much  honor  as 
the  presence  of  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury — but 
wait,  and  do  not  be  impatient." 

In  response  to  Lady  Slasher's  urgent  request 
I  had  arrived  an  hour  earlier  than  the  time 
named  in  the  invitations  to  her  "Anglo-Ameri- 
can Garden  Party,"  to  which  all  London  was 
bidden.  Her  brilliant  marriage  to  a  British  Peer 
had  by  no  means  obliterated  Lady  Slasher's  af- 
fection for  the  land  of  her  birth — no  more  than 
it  had  slackened  in  the  slightest  degree  her  zeal 
in  the  great  cause  which  has  made  her  lectures 
and  her  books  famous  throughout  America  and 
Europe.  Never  during  the  early  years  of  her 
journalistic  slavery  in  America  had  she  toiled 


Countess  Pipedreme  Forgets  Herself  225 

more  persistently  for  the  overthrow  of  the  fe- 
tishes of  society  than  she  now  toiled  in  her 
English  country  palace  convenient  to  London, 
surrounded  by  every  luxury  that  a  woman  of 
leisure  and  refinement  could  desire.  She  en- 
tertained lavishly,  but  it  was  perfectly  under- 
stood that  she  never  accepted  invitations  in  re- 
turn for  her  own  hospitality.  Naturally  her 
extreme  views  on  social  subjects  caused  her  to 
be  looked  at  askance  by  the  prudes  of  society, 
and  by  those  who  feel  themselves  lost  except 
when  anchored  fast  to  the  rock  of  convention- 
ality. It  was  only  the  knowledge  that  there 
was  no  danger  of  Lady  Slasher  ever  setting  her 
iconoclastic  feet  upon  their  own  hearth  stones 
that  emboldened  such  persons  to  visit  her  at 
all.  This  situation  was  already  so  familiar  to 
me  that  I  felt  confident  of  meeting  at  Lady 
Slasher's  garden  party  many  of  the  finest  folk 
in  England — her  wine  cellars  were  known  to  be 
inexhaustible. 

Lady  Slasher's  grounds  were  magnificent. 
Besides  the  natural  shade  furnished  by  fine 
old  spreading  oaks  there  were  canvas  shelters 
gayly  decked  out  with  red,  white  and  blue 
bunting  and  innumerable  flags  of  the  sister 
nations.  Tables  were  spread  everywhere,  and 


226       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

there  was  no  lack  of  comfortable  seats,  and 
snug  little  retreats  among  the  shrubbery  which 
seemed  to  have  been  provided  for  the  special 
encouragement  of  love-making.  Toward  the 
middle  of  the  afternoon,  when  my  duty  at 
Lady  Slasher's  side  in  helping  to  receive  the 
guests  had  been  fulfilled,  I  made  a  tour  of  the 
grounds,  accompanied  by  the  American  Friend, 
and  found  every  one  of  these  retreats  occupied. 
One  of  Lady  Slasher's  special  recommendations 
to  young  men  and  women  was  her  avowed  sym- 
pathy with  lovers.  But  I  fear  that  on  that 
afternoon  many  a  desperate  flirtation  was  born 
later  to  abuse  her  beneficence. 

One  of  the  surprises  the  afternoon  brought 
me  was  my  unexpected  encounter  with  Count- 
ess Pipedreme  and  the  Earl  of  Dnppingeaves 
conversing  earnestly  in  one  of  the  shady  nooks 
I  have  described.  The  Countess'  conduct  on 
observing  my  presence  was  no  less  surprising. 

"In  such  a  cause  my  purse  is  certainly  at 
your  disposal,"  she  said,  putting  her  handker- 
chief to  her  eyes.  "  Poor  woman,  how  I  pity 
her ! " 

Whereupon  the  Countess  gave  the  Earl  her 
hand  and  they  separated. 


Countess  Pipedreme  Forgets  Herself  227 

"  Angel  of  mercy,"  commented  the  American 
Friend  with  sarcasm. 

"The  idea  of  the  Earl  of  Drippingeaves  both- 
ering his  empty  head  about  the  sorrows  of  the 
poor,"  said  I. 

The  incident  was  speedily  driven  from  our 
minds  by  a  spectacle  of  superior  interest  which 
confronted  us  as  we  moved  toward  the  large 
oak  near  the  centre  of  the  grounds  which 
served  as  a  sort  of  sylvan  audience  chamber 
wherein  the  Queen  of  the  ceremonies  dispensed 
wisdom  to  all  comers.  The  group  which  sur- 
rounded Lady  Slasher  exhibited  signs  of  anima- 
tion rather  unusual  in  such  a  gathering.  True 
to  her  instinct  as  a  publicist,  Lady  Slasher  had 
locked  horns  in  an  argument  with  Mr.  Squibs 
of  the  Gazette.  The  Honorable  Mrs.  Pebble- 
stone, Lady  Dunstable  and  the  Duchess  of 
Edgecombe  were  in  the  front  rank  of  interested 
listeners.  I  think  I  have  already  mentioned 
that  Mr.  Squibs  enjoyed  a  social  position  rather 
unique  among  journalists,  excepting,  of  course, 
the  prominent  critics,  and  the  wealthy  publish- 
ers whose  consistent  defence  of  the  institution 
of  royalty  has  been  rewarded  by  their  admission 
to  that  borderland  of  aristocracy,  knighthood. 


228       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

Knowing  the  quality  of  Mr.  Squibs'  wit  we 
hastened  to  join  the  group. 

"  My  dear,"  whispered  Lady  Dunstable,  "  it's 
almost  shocking,  of  course,  but  so  interesting." 

"Between  the  pigs  and  the  babies,"  Mr. 
Squibs  was  saying,  "  I  admit  that  the  pigs  have 
the  better  start.  But  think  of  their  tragic 
end !  " 

"You  are  begging  the  question,"  retorted 
Lady  Slasher.  "My  comparison  was  limited 
to  the  fundamental  proposition  of  birth.  Birth 
is  something  that  is  thrust  upon  every  living 
thing.  The  being  that  profits  or  is  victimized 
by  the  fact  of  birth  has  no  voice  in  the  matter. 
The  human  victim,  who,  being  endowed  with 
intelligence,  will  live  to  appreciate  the  injustice 
heaped  upon  him,  perhaps  to  curse  those  who 
selfishly  brought  this  misery  upon  him.  The 
pig,  on  the  contrary,  remains  unconscious  of  his 
ideal  entrance  to  life.  Think  of  the  brutal  in- 
equality of  it !  Human  beings,  created  in  the 
image  of  God,  the  only  living  creatures  that  are 
denied  the  advantage  of  a  wholesome  and  nat- 
ural parentage ! " 

Mr.  Squibs  threw  up  his  hands  with  a  comical 
gesture.  "  I  give  it  up.  I  withdraw  my  babies 
from  the  argument.  The  little  pigs  have  it." 


Countess  Pipedreme  Forgets  Herself  229 

"  How  highly  improper,"  whispered  the  Hon- 
orable Mrs.  Pebblestone  to  me  as  she  moved 
eagerly  a  step  or  two  nearer  the  disputants. 

"  But  what  are  you  going  to  have  done  about 
it  ?  "  Mr.  Squibs  demanded. 

"  That's  it,  you  know,"  drawled  the  Earl  of 
Drippingeaves.  "  The  little  babies  can't  pick 
out  their  own  papas  and  mammas,  don't  you 
know,  haw,  haw,  haw." 

"  I  couldn't,"  said  Mr.  Squibs.  "  That's  the 
reason  I'm  not  a  Duke." 

"  What  nonsense,"  said  Countess  Pipedreme, 
haughtily.  She  had  captured  Lord  Dangerford 
somewhere  in  the  grounds  and  glued  herself  to 
his  side. 

"  Countess  Pipedreme  has  a  right  to  be  super- 
cilious," whispered  the  American  Friend  in  my 
ear,  "  being  probably  the  only  exception  pres- 
ent to  the  rule  just  laid  down." 

"  How  can  that  be  ?  "  I  asked,  innocently. 

"  Haven't  you  heard  how  she  happens  to  be 
a  Countess  ?  " 

"  No.  I  thought  the  mystery  had  never  been 
explained." 

"  It  never  has  been  until  this  moment.  You 
see  she  selected  her  own  parents.  That  action 
having  been  postponed  until  she  had  gained 


230       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

considerable  worldly  wisdom,  she  took  pains  to 
select  a  Count  for  a  father." 

"  Oh,"  I  laughed,  "  that  is  what  Teddy  meant 
when,  in  answer  to  my  inquiry  about  the  origin 
of  the  title  of  Countess  Pipedreme,  he  replied 
that  she  had  dreamt  it." 

But  Lady  Slasher  had  not  been  in  the  slight- 
est degree  ruffled  by  the  pleasantries  of  Mr. 
Squibs  and  the  Earl  of  Drippingeaves.  She 
smiled  benevolently  upon  them  and  said : 

"The  remedy  is  very  simple.  The  mothers 
of  the  future  hold  it  in  their  hands." 

"The  male,  not  the  female,  is  the  race," 
quoted  Mr.  Squibs,  triumphantly. 

"  Granted,"  was  Lady  Slasher's  instant  reply. 
"  If  it  is  a  race  of  drunkards,  of  imbeciles,  of  de- 
generates, of  physical  wrecks,  its  blood  be  upon 
the  head  of  the  father." 

"  Oh,  by  all  means,  bar  the  drunken,  degen- 
erate, imbecile  males,  but  how?"  demanded  the 
journalist. 

Lady  Slasher  fixed  her  brilliant  eyes  upon 
the  sympathetic  countenance  of  the  Duchess 
of  Edgecombe.  "By  educating  liberally  the 
temperate,  wholesome-minded,  clean-lived  fe- 
males," she  said,  with  conviction  in  her  tones. 


Countess  Pipedreme  Forgets  Herself  231 

"  Children  cannot  select  their  parents,  but  the 
mothers  may  select  the  fathers." 

"Oh!  Ah!  Dear  me!  The  very  idea!" 
Lady  Slasher  stood  serene  and  smiling  under 
the  storm  of  exclamations  which  the  group 
hurled  upon  her. 

"  I  repeat,"  she  said,  "  that  the  female  should 
be  allowed  to  select  her  mate." 

"  Oh,  come  now,  you  wouldn't  have  the 
women  do  the  proposing?"  said  the  Earl  of 
Drippingeaves,  aghast. 

"  Why  not  ?  She  would  never,  of  her  own 
free  will,  select  a  drunkard  or  a  libertine  to  be 
the  father  of  her  children.  Under  the  present 
system  she  accepts  them  because  she  is  ignorant, 
or  because  they  are  thrust  upon  her." 

"  You  can  never  educate  'em  up  to  it,"  said 
Mr.  Squibs,  shaking  his  head  violently.  "  The 
dear  creatures  have  been  pursued  since  the  very 
beginning,  and  they  like  it." 

"  It  is  ignorance,"  said  Lady  Slasher. 

"  It  is  gallantry,"  said  Mr.  Squibs.  "  What 
would  our  poetry  be  without  it  ?  " 

"Superstition,  superstition,  superstition,"  re- 
torted Lady  Slasher.  "  Why  did  Rochefoucault 
say :  '  Marriage  is  sometimes  convenient,  but 
never  delightful'?  Because  so  many  women 


232       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

are  led  so  unwillingly  to  the  altar.  Marriages 
engineered  by  men,  dominated  by  the  blind 
passion  of  the  moment,  are  not  well  assorted.  I 
will  quote  to  you  Lady  Mary  Wortley  Motagu, 
daughter  of  a  Duke,  beautiful,  accomplished, 
clear-headed,  fashionable,  in  reply  to  Rochefou- 
cault :  '  It  is  impossible  to  taste  the  delights 
of  love  in  perfection  but  in  a  well  assorted  mar- 
riage. A  fond  couple  attached  to  each  other 
by  mutual  affection,  are  two  lovers  who  live  hap- 
pily together.  Though  the  priest  pronounces 
certain  words,  though  the  lawyers  draw  up  cer- 
tain instruments,  yet  I  look  on  these  prepara- 
tives in  the  same  light  as  a  lover  considers  a 
rope  ladder  which  he  fastens  to  his  mistress' 
window:  If  they  can  but  live  together,  what 
does  it  signify  by  what  means  the  union  is  ac- 
complished? .  .  .  When  a  pair  who  enter- 
tain such  rational  sentiments  are  united  by  in- 
dissoluble bonds,  all  nature  smiles  upon  them. 

.  .  In  my  opinion  such  a  life  is  infinitely 
more  happy  and  more  voluptuous  than  the  most 
ravishing  and  best  regulated  gallantry.' " 

"  When  the  daughter  of  a  Duke  says  a  thing," 
said  Mr.  Squibs,  solemnly,  "it  is  indeed  time  to 
pause  and  reflect." 

"  But,"  objected  the  Earl  of  Drippingeaves, 


Countess  Pipedreme  Forgets  Herself  233 

"how  does  it  help  the  matter  to  have  women 
do  the  proposing?" 

"  Why,  that's  simple  enough,"  said  Mr.  Squibs. 
"  Women  are  so  keen.  A  woman  will  have  sense 
enough  to  select  a  husband  whom  she  can  fool 
into  believing  as  long  as  he  can  stand  on  his 
pegs  that  he  is  perpetually  climbing  into  her 
window  by  way  of  a  rope  ladder.  We're  such 
blooming  idiots,  you  know,  when  we're  well 
managed — by  a  woman." 

"  Still,  I  don't  see  where  the  blessed  babies 
come  in,"  objected  the  Earl. 

"Really,  how  indelicate,"  murmured  Lady 
Dun  stable,  putting  her  hand  behind  her  ear. 

Lady  Slasher  quoted  from  one  of  her  famous 
essays :  "  Women  are  growing  wiser.  .  .  . 
Rakes  and  profligates  of  all  descriptions  they 
will  reject.  They  will  refuse  to  join  themselves 
to  any  unless  sound  in  body,  mind  and  morals." 

"I  say,  you're  very  dense,  My  Lord,"  said 
Mr.  Squibs,  turning  to  the  Earl  of  Dripping- 
eaves.  "When  women  do  the  proposing  the 
Millennium  will  have  arrived ;  in  the  Millen- 
nium the  little  pigs  and  the  babies  will  start  at 
the  post  neck  and  neck." 

"  Bravo !  Hear,  hear !  "  said  a  voice  on  the 
outskirts  of  the  group  which  I  seemed  to  recog- 


234       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

nize.  I  turned  and  my  heart  leaped  into  my 
throat.  It  was  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury,  and  on 
his  arm  leaned  the  Prince. 

I  could  not  at  first  believe  the  evidence  of 
my  eyes,  it  seemed  so  highly  improbable  that 
the  Prince  of  Wales  would  confer  upon  Lady 
Slasher  an  honor  which  so  many  who  repre- 
sented the  nobility  in  their  own  right  had  been 
denied.  Then  I  reflected  that  this  was  to  all 
intents  and  purposes  a  public  gathering.  More 
than  two  thousand  persons  were  in  the  grounds 
— an  assemblage  hardly  less  democratic  than 
that  of  which  I  had  been  a  member  at  the 
Ascot  races.  There  was  a  great  stir  immedi- 
ately, but  I  noticed  that  the  assemblage  main- 
tained strictly  its  public  character.  No  one 
save  his  intimate  friends  spoke  to  the  Prince. 
His  Royal  Highness,  after  being  welcomed  by 
Lady  Slasher,  spoke  a  few  words  with  her,  and 
then  walked  about  the  grounds  with  the  Duch- 
ess of  Edgecombe,  the  crowd  keeping  at  a  re- 
spectful distance. 

"  Oh,  if  I  could  only  meet  him  !  "  I  said. 

"Who,  the  Prince?"  asked  the  American 
Friend. 

"  Oh,  no ;  of  course  I  don't  expect  that.  I 
mean  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury.  You  haven't 


Countess  Pipedreme  Forgets  Herself  235 

forgotten  what  he  said  that  night  at  the  chop 
house  where  we  met  the  man  who  knew 
Dickens?" 

"Hardly.  By  the  way,  it  does  look  as 
though  now  is  your  time  " — 

"  Look  !  "  I  exclaimed.  "  He  recognizes 
you ;  he  is  bowing." 

The  American  Friend  returned  the  Marquis 
of  Silsbury's  pleasant  salutation,  remarking  to 
me:  "He  hasn't  forgotten  you,  either.  See, 
he  is  coming  this  way." 

It  was  true.  The  Marquis  had  started  in 
our  direction;  but  Countess  Pipedreme,  in- 
spired by  her  unaccountable  animosity  toward 
me,  seemed  to  divine  His  Lordship's  intention. 
She  dragged  Lord  Dangerford  across  the 
Marquis'  path,  accosting  him  gayly  in  a  manner 
which  left  a  gallant  man  no  choice  but  to  listen 
to  her.  I  was  delighted  to  notice,  however, 
that  His  Lordship  was  not  to  be  balked  of  his 
purpose. 

"Come,"  said  the  American  Friend,  giving 
me  a  sly  look,  "  we  will  meet  him  half  way." 

"  No,  no,"  I  said,  feeling  that  something  un- 
pleasant was  about  to  happen.  "It  will  em- 
barrass Lord  Dangerford.  I  never  saw  him  BO 
agitated." 


236       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  What  has  he  to  be  agitated  about  ?  There 
is  no  reason  why  he  should  not  present  you  to 
the  Marquis.  The  Duchess  of  Edgecombe  has 
received  you.  Lady  Dunstable  is  your  avowed 
friend — what  the  deuce  !  " 

The  Countess  had  raised  her  shrill  voice  and 
was  saying :  "  You  meet  them  everywhere, 
these  stage  women,  My  Lord.  There's  no  keep- 
ing them  in  their  place." 

They  were  right  upon  us.  Lord  Danger- 
ford's  face  crimsoned  with  anger.  He  cast  a 
look  of  contempt  upon  the  Countess,  then  taking 
off  his  hat  and  bowing,  he  said : 

"My  Lord,  permit  me  to  present  a  most 
estimable  young  lady," — 

"  Arthur !  "  exclaimed  Countess  Pipedreme, 
stamping  her  foot  with  rage. 

/'Whom  I  respect  highly,"  went  on  His 
Lordship,  ignoring  the  Countess'  violent  pro- 
test, "  Miss  Casino." 

"Go  to  your  mistress,  then,"  hissed  the 
Countess,  her  face  livid  as  she  stared  at  me  in- 
solently and  drew  her  skirts  about  her.  "  At 
least  be  honest  with  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury 
— your  mistress  " — 

"  Countess,"  said  Lord  Dangerford,  huskily, 
"  you  forget  yourself." 


Countess  Pipedreme  Forgets  Herself  237 

The  Earl  of  Drippingeaves  was  passing. 

"My  Lord,"  said  Countess  Pipedreme,  "will 
you  give  me  your  arm?" 

The  Earl  gave  Lord  Dangerford  a  startled 
glance,  offered  his  arm  sheepishly  to  the  Count- 
ess who,  shrugging  her  shoulders  disdainfully, 
led  her  new  victim  to  a  distant  part  of  the 
grounds. 


CHAPTER  XVII 

THE  PRINCE  SAYS  :    "  HOW  DO  YOU  LIKE  ENG- 
LAND?" 

FOB  a  single  moment  I  wished  that  the  earth 
might  open  and  bury  me  forever.  I  felt  myself 
swaying,  felt  the  American  Friend's  grasp  on 
my  arm  tighten,  while  in  the  distance  I  seemed 
to  hear  some  one  saying  how  glad  he  was  to 
make  my  acquaintance.  I  was  not  sure  that 
this  sentiment  proceeded  from  the  Marquis  of 
Silsbury  until  I  found  him  bending  gallantly 
above  my  hand,  which  he  touched  to  his  lips 
with  charming  old-fashioned  grace. 

Lord  Dangerford  was  smiling,  but  very  pale. 
With  the  most  admirable  tact  and  delicacy 
these  kind-hearted  gentlemen — true  noblemen, 
both — gave  me  not  a  moment  for  reflection. 

"  Bless  me,  but  I  haven't  felt  so  peckish  in  a 
long  time,"  said  the  Marquis.  "  That  salad 
over  there  fairly  hypnotizes  me." 

"  Lady  Slasher's  champagne  is  not  to  be  de- 
spised,   either,"   said    Lord    Dangerford.     "I 
don't  see  why  we  should  allow  it  to  be  wasted 
altogether  on  a  mob  like  this." 
238 


"  How  Do  You  Like  England  •?  "    239 

So  they  laughingly  urged  me  toward  one  of 
the  large  refreshment  tables.  On  the  way  we 
picked  up  the  Honorable  Mrs.  Pebblestone, 
while  the  American  Friend  wandered  off  to  do 
missionary  work  among  some  newly  arrived  in- 
habitants of  the  United  States  who  had  not  yet 
conquered  their  surprise  at  the  strange  customs 
of  the  natives. 

Soon  the  Marquis  and  I  were  chattering 
away  as  though  we  had  known  each  other  for 
years,  with  Lord  Dangerford  and  the  Honorable 
Mrs.  Pebblestone  chiming  in  here  and  there 
with  a  laughing  comment.  I  burned  to  broach 
the  subject  that  was  next  my  heart.  Lady 
Slasher  was  smiling  upon  me  from  a  distance, 
and  nodding  significantly.  But  I  had  a  pre- 
sentiment that  something  was  shortly  to  happen 
that  would  open  the  subject  naturally.  I  was 
eager  to  open  diplomatic  negotiations  on  my 
country's  behalf,  but  I  was  restrained  by  a  de- 
sire to  miss  no  advantage  through  a  too  brusque 
and  undiplomatic  beginning. 

Presently,  while  we  continued  our  gay  con- 
versation, and  our  consumption  of  the  delicacies 
of  Lady  Slasher's  abundant  table,  there  was  a 
commotion  at  the  entrance  to  the  grounds.  The 
crowd  parted  with  looks  of  curiosity  and  a 


240       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

young  man,  looking  warm  and  dusty,  came  with 
rapid  strides  in  our  direction  carrying  a  port- 
folio under  his  arm.  The  laughing  counte- 
nance of  the  Marquis  settled  into  its  official  ex- 
pression of  gravity  as  he  took  the  portfolio  and 
said: 

"  Well,  Jamison  ?  " 

The  young  man  uttered  half  a  dozen  words 
in  a  low  voice. 

"  Will  you  excuse  me  ?  "  said  His  Lordship, 
with  a  smile.  "  It  is  a  dispatch  of  some  im- 
portance which  demands  an  immediate  reply. 
Do  not  go  " — I  was  rising  to  leave  the  table — 
"  I've  a  lot  of  questions  to  ask  you  yet." 

With  that  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury,  upon 
whose  shoulders  much  of  the  future  weal  or 
woe  of  England  rested,  rose  and  walked  toward 
a  deserted  portion  of  the  grounds,  conversing 
earnestly  with  the  messenger. 

This  incident,  which  seemed  of  such  trivial 
importance  on  its  face,  was  observed  with  evi- 
dences of  extraordinary  interest  by  the  English 
portion  of  the  assemblage.  The  foreigners  paid 
only  passing  attention  to  it,  but  Her  Majesty's 
subjects,  gathering  into  groups,  appeared  to  be 
discussing  it  with  a  gravity  bordering  upon 
anxiety.  Mr.  Squibs  came  up  drawing  a  note* 


"How  Do  You  Like  England?"    241 

book  from  his  pocket.  He  asked  a  dozen  ques- 
tions all  in  a  breath,  glancing  at  me  almost 
pleadingly. 

"  You  were  here  when  the  messenger  arrived. 
What  did  His  Lordship  say  ?  What  did  he  do  ? 
Where  is  he  now?  What  did  the  messenger 
say  ?  What  did  he  do  ?  Where  did  he  go  ? 
Has  he  gone  yet  ?  " 

"No.  Yes.  No.  We  don't  know.  We 
wouldn't  tell  if  we  did,"  laughed  the  Honorable 
Mrs.  Pebblestone  in  the  journalist's  face.  "  One 
would  imagine  you  had  been  taking  lessons 
from  the  Yankees,  Mr.  Squibs." 

"  In  my  opinion  that's  what  we'll  all  be  do- 
ing presently,"  said  the  journalist. 

"Be  patient,"  said  I;  "the  Marquis  has 
withdrawn  with  the  messenger  for  a  few  min- 
utes to  answer  an  important  dispatch.  He'll  be 
back  presently." 

"  An  important  dispatch  ? "  repeated  Mr. 
Squibs.  "Ah,  I  thought  as  much.  I'd  lay  a 
guinea  to  half  a  crown  it's  by  cable  from  Hong 
Kong." 

"  Hong  Kong  ?  "  I  said,  eagerly.  "  Isn't  that 
the  nearest  cable  communication  with  Manila  ?  " 

"  Yes ;  and  also  with  Great  Britain's  agents 
entrusted  with  the  duty  of  watching  Russia's 


242       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

secret  dickerings  with  Li  Hung  Chang,"  said 
the  journalist. 

"  Ah,  the  Marquis  will  not  be  back  as  soon  as 
we  expected,"  said  the  Honorable  Mrs.  Pebble- 
stone, with  her  glass  leveled  in  the  direction 
His  Lordship  had  taken  on  leaving  us. 

Every  one  in  our  neighborhood  seemed  to  be 
looking  in  the  same  direction — that  is,  all  the 
Englishmen.  But  there  was  nothing  more  re- 
markable to  be  seen  than  the  Prince  and  the 
Marquis  walking  about  together,  while  the  mes- 
senger followed  at  a  short  distance. 

"  I  win,"  said  Mr.  Squibs,  excitedly.  "  It's 
the  Chinese  frontier." 

"  Dear  me,"  said  I,  disappointed,  "  I  was  in 
hopes  it  was  the  Philippines." 

"  There's  no  hurry  about  the  Philippines,  with 
your  Dewey  still  on  the  bridge  of  his  flag- 
ship. We'll  look  into  that  matter  later — per- 
haps. But  the  Chinese  frontier  is  our  own  af- 
fair— and  it's  urgent." 

"Does  it  mean  war  between  England  and 
Russia  ?  "  I  asked,  hopefully. 

"  It  does  unless  Russia  keeps  her  hands  off." 

"  In  case  of  war  so  far  away  from  home,"  I  said, 
insinuatingly,  "  England  will  need  help,  won't 
she — more  battleships,  and  expert  gunners?" 


"  How  Do  You  Like  England  ?  "    243 

"  That's  the  idea,  exactly,"  said  Mr.  Squibs. 
"  If  we  go  to  war  with  Russia  on  the  Chinese 
frontier  question  there's  no  telling  what  may 
happen.  The  alliance  will  probably  go  to 
pieces,  and  there'll  be  the  devil  to  pay  gener- 
ally." 

"  Oh,  well,  don't  worry,"  said  I.  "  By  that 
time  we  will  have  whipped  Spain  and  will  come 
over  and  help  you  out." 

"I  say,"  said  Mr.  Squibs,  with  a  grin,  "you 
tell  that  to  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury." 

At  this  moment  His  Lordship  seemed  to  be 
noticing  with  annoyance  the  interest  his  move- 
ments had  created  in  the  minds  of  Lady  Slash- 
er's guests.  He  said  a  word  or  two  to  the 
Prince,  who  smiled,  and  both  joined  the  Duch- 
ess of  Edgecombe,  who  was  walking  with  Lord 
Dunstable.  After  a  short  conversation  Lord 
Dunstable  came  over  and  said  to  me  loudly 
enough  for  every  one  within  a  dozen  yards  to 
hear: 

"Miss  Casino,  Her  Grace,  the  Duchess  of 
Edgecombe  wishes  to  present  you  to  the 
Prince." 

Mr.  Squibs  put  up  his  note-book.  "  It  can't 
be  the  Chinese  frontier  after  all,"  he  said,  and 
walked  away,  evidently  much  relieved. 


244       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  It  is  the  Chinese  frontier,"  I  said  to  myself, 
"and  my  presentation  to  the  Prince  is  the 
Marquis  of  Silsbury's  cute  way  of  making  Lady 
Slasher's  guests  forget  all  about  his  dispatch." 

As  I  took  Lord  Dunstable's  arm  and  hastened 
to  obey  the  Duchess  of  Edgecombe's  flattering 
command  I  noticed  that  all  eyes  were  upon  me. 
The  Marquis  of  Silsbury's  dispatch  was  already 
forgotten. 

It  was  worth  all  I  had  suffered  that  after- 
noon to  see  among  the  envious  glances  turned 
upon  me  that  of  Countess  Pipedreme,  her 
enameled  features  twisted  into  an  expression 
of  mingled  hatred,  malice  and  consternation 
which  I  shall  never  forget. 

The  Duchess  of  Edgecombe  left  the  Prince's 
side,  and,  advancing  a  few  steps  to  meet  us, 
placed  her  arm  about  my  shoulders  as  though 
I  had  been  her  own  daughter.  I  caught  one 
more  glimpse  of  Countess  Pipedreme's  wrath- 
ful countenance  as  she  turned  and  quickly  left 
that  part  of  the  grounds.  Her  face  was  drawn 
and  haggard  ;  she  seemed  to  have  grown  years 
older. 

"My  dear,"  the  Duchess  was  saying,  "the 
Prince  has  heard  you  sing  at  the  theatre.  His 
Royal  Highness  admires  you  greatly.  But  his 


"The  Prince  had  heard  me  sing." — Page  244. 


"  How  Do  You  Like  England  ?  "    245 

mind  is  occupied  with  very  serious  matters  to- 
day, so  do  not  feel  hurt  if  he  seems  to  lack  the 
interest  in  you  which  I  assure  you  he  feels." 

The  Prince  smiled  and  held  out  his  hand  as 
the  Duchess  mentioned  my  name.  There  was 
just  then  another  surprised  movement  of  the 
crowd  at  the  entrance  to  the  grounds,  but  I 
was  too  perturbed  over  the  great  honor  being 
conferred  upon  me  to  notice  that  a  second  mes- 
senger was  approaching,  this  one  wearing  the 
Prince's  livery. 

"  Very  glad,  I'm  sure,"  said  His  Royal  High- 
ness. "How  do  you  like  England?" 

Before  I  could  command  my  scattered  wits 
to  make  an  intelligible  reply  to  this  important 
question,  the  Prince  had  bowed  his  apologies 
and  turned  to  receive  what  the  messenger  had 
brought. 

The  Marquis  of  Silsbury  offered  me  his  arm, 
as  much  as  to  say :  "  Shall  we  leave  His  Royal 
Highness  free  to  issue  his  commands?" 

As  by  an  inspiration  I  saw  that  the  time  was 
now  ripe  for  my  entrance  into  the  arena  of 
diplomacy.  I  took  the  Marquis'  arm,  and  as 
we  strolled  among  the  shrubbery  I  felt  my 
brain  clear  and  my  heart  beating  strong  and 
steadily — the  brain  and  heart  of  a  victor ! 


CHAPTER  XVIII 

MY  DIPLOMATIC   RELATIONS 

"  WELL,"  said  the  Marquis,  smiling  quiz- 
zically down  upon  me,  "  how  do  you  like  Eng- 
land? I  will  take  great  pleasure  in  reporting 
your  answer  to  His  Royal  Highness." 

"  I  think  I  answered  that  question,  with  more 
energy  than  courtesy,  perhaps,  upon  the  occa- 
sion of  our  first  meeting,  My  Lord." 

"  I  remember  perfectly.  You  find  it  difficult 
to  give  your  entire  confidence  to  a  nation  that 
does  not  appreciate  its  own  Dickens." 

"Since  then,"  I  hastened  to  reply,  "I've  been 
thinking  over  what  Your  Lordship  said." 

"Ah!  Your  memory,  then,  is  better  than 
my  own." 

"  Your  Lordship  made  quite  a  little  speech. 
It  contained  both  commendation  and  rebuke. 
I  remember  it  word  for  word.  You  said :  '  My 
dear  young  lady,  you  will  think  better  of  us. 
I  hope  to  live  to  see  the  day  when  America 
and  England  do  stand  shoulder  to  shoulder,  for 
civilization  and  humanity,  as  you  well  express 

246 


My  Diplomatic  Relations         247 

it,  against  the  rest  of  the  world.'  Then  came 
Your  Lordship's  rebuke  :  '  It  is  a  pity  that  you, 
who  have  such  clear  perceptions  of  what  is 
natural,  and  what  is  calculated  to  most  benefit 
humanity,  should  not  bend  your  talents  toward 
their  realization — instead  of  allowing  yourself 
to  become  incensed  over  small  differences  of 
temperament.' " 

"  Whew !    Did  I  say  all  that  ?  " 

"  Every  word  of  it." 

"And  you've  been  thinking  it  over?" 

"  It  has  never  been  out  of  my  mind." 

"  And  with  what  result? " 

"  Your  Lordship's  rebuke  struck  home.  Why 
shouldn't  I  love  England  ?  Isn't  she  of  my  own 
flesh  and  blood?" 

"  By  the  same  token,"  said  the  Marquis, 
"why  shouldn't  you  indulge  in  small  family 
quarrels  with  her — about  Dickens,  for  example  ? 
I  dare  say  you  have  little  differences  with  your 
own  sisters — perhaps,  even,  with  your  mother. 
Most  people  do." 

"  The  rebuke  was  just  and  I  have  profited  by 
it,"  I  said ;  then,  looking  the  Marquis  squarely 
in  the  eyes,  I  inquired,  pointedly :  "  Was  Your 
Lordship  equally  in  earnest  when  you  said  that 
you  hoped  to  live  to  see  the  day  when  England 


248       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

and  America  would  stand  shoulder  to  shoulder 
for  "— 

"  Softly,  softly,"  broke  in  the  Marquis  of 
Silsbury,  with  a  comically  apprehensive  glance 
at  a  party  of  guests  strolling  near.  "  Softly,  I 
beg  of  you.  Just  now  I  saw  you  being  inter- 
viewed by  Squibs  of  the  Gazette.  What  I  said 
was  not  for  publication." 

"  Why  not?  "  I  asked,  boldly. 

"  What  if  the  public  mind  is  not  yet  ripe  for 
that  sort  of  talk  ?  Seventy -six  and  Eighteen- 
fourteen  are  not  so  very  far  in  the  background, 
you  know.  Who  among  us  has  not  yet  for- 
gotten and  forgiven  ?  That  is  the  question." 

"  Small  family  quarrels,  Your  Lordship." 

The  Marquis  threw  up  his  hands  with  an- 
other comical  gesture  as  I  quoted  from  his  own 
lips. 

"We  have  forgotten — we,  the  disobedient 
children;  it  is  unworthy  of  you,  the  parent,  not 
to  forgive." 

"  Come,  now,"  said  His  Lordship,  stopping 
short  and  looking  down  upon  me  reflectively, 
"  would  you  have  England  and  America  enter 
into  a  treaty  of  alliance  ?  " 

"  No,"  I  answered,  with  emphasis. 

"No?" 


My  Diplomatic  Relations         249 

"  Certainly  not." 

"  Dear  me,  dear  me,"  said  His  Lordship,  look- 
ing quite  perplexed.  "We  have  commercial 
treaties,  a  treaty  on  the  fisheries  question  " — 

"  Father  and  son  may  contract  to  exchange 
the  product  of  their  labor,"  I  interrupted  with 
warmth ;  "  but  whoever  heard  of  father  and  son 
signing  an  agreement  to  defend  each  other's  life 
and  property  ?  " 

"  Good,"  said  the  Marquis,  frankly.  "  Exactly 
the  argument  I've  used  all  along." 

"In  the  present  instance,"  I  continued,  elo- 
quently, quite  forgetting  that  I  was  talking  to 
the  craftiest  statesman  in  Europe,  "  the  life  and 
property  of  the  father  is  in  greater  need  of  de- 
fence than  those  of  the  son.  America's  only 
entanglement  is  with  Spain.  Who  doubts  what 
the  result  will  be  ?  England,  on  the  contrary,  on 
whose  possessions  the  sun  never  sets,  is  threat- 
ened everywhere.  She  is  threatened  even  by 
those  whom  she  had  compelled  to  bind  them- 
selves to  her  in  writing.  These  documents 
would  be  the  first  to  turn  to  ashes  in  the  con- 
flagration which  will  result  from  the  first  match 
accidentally  ignited — or,"  I  added  as  His  Lord- 
ship's messenger  showed  his  face  for  an  instant 
as  though  to  determine  whether  he  was  wanted, 


250       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  when  Russia  actually  enters  China  by  the  back 
door  she  has  opened  at  such  vast  expense." 

His  Lordship  gave  me  a  queer  look.  "  Haven't 
you  missed  your  vocation,  Miss  Casino  ?  Really, 
the  stage  is  not  worthy  of  such  talents  as  yours." 

"  How  else  would  I  have  been  able  to  meet 
Your  Lordship  ?  "  I  retorted. 

The  Marquis  reflected  a  moment  and  then 
said: 

"And  do  you  really  think  our  lusty  son, 
America,  would  hasten  to  his  parent's,  Eng- 
land's, defence  in  her  hour  of  need  ?  " 

"  Why  not  ?  It  would  be  a  natural  and  filial 
act — particularly  as  the  parent  would  have 
made  in  the  meantime  overtures  for  a  reconcil- 
iation." 

"  Overtures  ?  What's  that  ?  "  demanded  His 
Lordship,  turning  upon  me  sharply. 

"  Of  course,"  I  answered,  composedly,  "  in  all 
family  quarrels  it  is  the  place  of  the  elder  to 
first  hold  out  the  hand  of  peace." 

His  Lordship  doffed  his  hat  and  made  me  a 
low  bow.  "  My  dear  young  lady,  your  argu- 
ment for  your  side  of  the  general  proposition  is 
complete.  It  is  unanswerable.  If  you  can  dis- 
pose of  the  details  as  readily,  as  convincingly, 
you've  a  better  head  for  statecraft  than  any  of 


My  Diplomatic  Relations          251 

us.  Proceed ;  I  listen  with  the  deepest  inter- 
est, I  assure  you." 

"  I  am  very  grateful,  My  Lord.  I  had  not 
hoped  to  interest  you ;  only,  perhaps,  to  acci- 
dentally let  fall  a  word  that  would  suggest  to 
Your  Lordship  the  natural  and  logical  course 
for  England  to  pursue  in  her  relations  with  the 
United  States  from  this  on.  A  child  might  do 
that.  The  simplest  way  is  the  best,  for  you  are 
dealing,  as  you  have  just  admitted,  not  with 
the  representatives  of  the  people,  but  with  the 
people  direct.  Have  you  any  doubt  that  Your 
Lordship  and  the  President  of  the  United  States 
are  of  the  same  mind  concerning  the  matter?" 

"  What  desperate  advantage  do  you  purpose 
taking  of  me  if  I  make  that  important  admis- 
sion ?  "  demanded  the  Marquis. 

"Then  we  are  agreed  on  that  point,"  I  went 
on,  calmly.  "  Now  as  to  the  people.  Possibly 
Your  Lordship  may  not  be  aware  that  the  peo- 
ple of  the  United  States  are  bursting  with 
pride  over  the  recent  achievements  of  their 
brave  sailors  ?  " 

"I  can  understand  that  that  must  be  so." 

"That  we  are  dying  to  have  our  courage 
and  our  strength  acknowledged  and  proclaimed 
everywhere  ?  " 


252       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"  That  is  natural." 

"  And  that  especially  we  thirst  for  that  recog- 
nition which  is  the  sweetest  of  all — parental  ap- 
proval. We  want  the  people  of  England  to 
say :  '  Bully  boys !  We're  proud  of  you  ! '  " 

"  From  all  accounts  that  is  exactly  what  the 
people  of  England  are  saying,"  admitted  the 
Marquis  of  Silsbury. 

"  Then  there's  nothing  more  for  me  to  say," 
said  I. 

"Eh?  What's  that?"  The  Marquis  planted 
his  feet  solidly  in  the  path  and  confronted  me. 

"  Your  Lordship  is  the  voice  of  the  people," 
I  said.  "  Now  we  are  agreed  what  that  voice 
is,  all  Your  Lordship  has  to  do  is  to  make  it 
heard." 

"  But  the  provocation — the  shadow  of  an  ex- 
cuse " — 

"  If  an  honest  desire  to  bestow  praise  where 
praise  is  due  is  not  excuse  enough,"  I  inter- 
rupted, "  there  is  the  practical  provocation  of 
self-interest.  The  bad  news  you  have  just  re- 
ceived cannot  long  be  kept  from  the  public, 
and"— 

"Bad  news?"  repeated  His  Lordship,  with 
an  innocent  expression  :  "what  bad  news?" 

"  The  news  from  Hong  Kong  your  messenger 


My  Diplomatic  Relations          253 

brought  a  little  while  ago,  about  Russian  ag- 
gressions in  China  " — 

"  What  a  lovely  day  it  is,"  said  the  Marquis. 

"  All  the  English  among  Lady  Slasher's  guests 
are  discussing  it,"  I  persisted ;  "  Mr.  Squibs  was 
sending  a  dispatch  to  the  Gazette  about  it  before 
your  messenger  had  been  here  five  minutes." 

I  thought  for  the  fraction  of  a  minute  that 
the  Marquis  looked  uneasy.  Presently  he  said, 
gravely : 

"  My  news  is  bad  for  you — bad  for  the  United 
States.  Austria  is  secretly  sending  large  sums 
of  money  to  Spain.  France  and  Germany  note 
her  action  with  approval.  There  is  a  persist- 
ent effort  to  compel  England  to  unite  with  the 
other  Powers  in  forcing  the  United  States  to 
end  the  war  with  Spain." 

"  My  Lord,"  I  said,  composedly,  though  the 
Marquis'  words  filled  me  with  dismay,  "the 
United  States  cannot  be  forced.  No  one  should 
know  that  better  than  Your  Lordship." 

The  Marquis  of  Silsbury  held  out  his  hand. 
"You  are  a  worthy  representative  of  your 
country,  my  child.  I  believe  that  you  are  dis- 
creet as  well  as  wise.  I  will  therefore  be  honest 
with  you.  It  was  the  Prince's  messenger  that 
brought  the  news  I  have  just  given  you.  As 


254       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

to  that  brought  by  my  own  messenger,  you  are 
right;  it  is  from  Hong  Kong;  the  Russians  are 
pushing  their  advantage  to  a  point  which  Eng- 
land cannot  tolerate." 

"And  the  Powers  have  received  the  same 
news,"  I  cried,  eagerly.  "  They  are  taking  ad- 
vantage of  England's  necessity  to  turn  her 
against  the  United  States  in  Spain's  behalf. 
Oh,  if  I  could  change  places  with  Your  Lord- 
ship for  five  minutes,  I  would,  without  touch- 
ing pen  to  paper,  without  performing  a  single 
official  act,  teach  Austria,  Germany,  France, 
and  the  rest  of  Europe  such  a  lesson  as  will 
keep  them  henceforth  well  out  of  the  range  of 
American  guns,  glad  to  be  permitted  to  manage 
their  own  affairs." 

"I  am  open  to  conviction,"  said  the  Marquis. 

"  Say  publicly  what  you  said  to  me  upon  the 
occasion  of  our  first  meeting,  and  which  I  re- 
peated to  Your  Lordship  a  moment  ago.  Say 
for  yourself  what  the  people  are  saying  all  over 
England.  Say  that  the  Anglo-Saxon  race  can- 
not be  divided  against  itself." 

"  When  and  where  will  I  find  a  natural  op- 
portunity to  say  such  a  thing?  " 

"  Now.  Here.  You  would  have  an  audience 
the  most  cosmopolitan  of  its  size  ever  assembled 


My  Diplomatic  Relations          255 

in  London.  To-morrow  morning  all  .the  world 
would  understand  that  the  British  Navy  stands 
guard  over  American  rights  among  nations ; 
and  that  the  new  great  sea  power  will  not 
prove  ungrateful  when  England  is  threatened 
in  the  East." 

Before  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury  could  reply 
the  Duchess  of  Edgecombe  had  rejoined  us. 

"My  Lord,"  said  the  Duchess,  "the  Prince 
begs  that  you  will  advise  him  respecting  the 
dispatch  he  wishes  to  return  by  the  messenger." 

"Pardon,  and — congratulations,"  said  the 
Marquis,  smiling  encouragingly  upon  me,  as  he 
departed  to  answer  the  summons  of  His  Royal 
Highness. 

The  Marquis  had  hardly  turned  his  back 
when  Mr.  Squibs  swooped  down  upon  us,  say- 
ing to  the  Duchess : 

"Begging  Your  Grace's  pardon,  between 
Royalty  and  Nobility  the  Press  is  being  sacri- 
ficed in  the  most  abominable  manner.  I  de- 
mand that  Miss  Casino  be  given  up  to  me  forth- 
with." 

"  Take  her,  if  she's  willing,"  laughed  the 
Duchess. 

Having  already  assigned  to  Mr.  Squibs,  in 
my  mind,  the  important  task  of  giving  publicity 


256       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

to  such  fruit  as  might  be  borne  by  my  diplo- 
matic relations,  I  welcomed  the  journalist's 
proposition.  Leaving  the  Duchess,  we  re- 
turned to  the  neighborhood  of  the  main  re- 
freshment table. 

By  this  time  the  agitation  of  the  English 
portion  of  Lady  Slasher's  guests  seemed  to 
have  been  communicated  to  all  the  others.  All 
eyes  were  turned  on  the  Prince  and  the  Mar- 
quis, who  walked  about,  conversing  earnestly. 

"Something  is  going  to  happen,"  said  Mr. 
Squibs;  "I  can  feel  it  coming.  What  were 
you  and  the  Marquis  talking  about  so  ear- 
nestly ?  " 

"  Our  conversation  was  strictly  confidential," 
I  said,  "  except  that  I  suggested  to  His  Lord- 
ship what  a  fine  thing  it  would  be  if  he  would 
make  a  speech." 

"I  say,  there's  an  idea,"  said  Mr.  Squibs, 
becoming  quite  excited.  "  Excuse  me  for  one 
moment." 

The  journalist  got  up  and  joined  a  group  of 
young  Englishmen,  to  whom  he  said  something 
which  seemed  to  please  them  mightily.  Then 
he  rejoined  me  and  said: 

"  That  was  a  good  stroke  of  business.  By 
jove  !  We  haven't  long  to  wait,  either.  The 


My  Diplomatic  Relations          257 

Prince  and  the  Marquis  are  coming  this  way. 
Ps-s-t,  ps-s-t !  "  The  journalist  seemed  to  be 
issuing  some  sort  of  command  to  his  fellow  con- 
spirators. They  responded  shortly  by  taking 
off  their  hats  and  shouting  : 

"  Long  live  the  Prince  of  Wales !  " 

The  Prince  bowed  and  smiled.  Instantly 
people  began  to  gather  from,  all  parts  of  the 
grounds. 

"  Marquis  of  Silsbury  !  "  shouted  the  young 
men.  "  Speech !  Speech  !  " 

Believing  that  the  psychological  moment  had 
arrived  I  began  clapping  my  hands  with  all  my 
might.  Mr.  Squibs  followed  suit.  The  Hon- 
orable Mrs.  Pebblestone,  raising  her  glass, 
glanced  at  the  gathering  multitude  and  began 
to  clap  her  hands  also.  Presently  the  hand 
clapping  became  general.  At  a  smiling  gesture 
from  the  Prince  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury  raised 
his  hat  and  bowed  to  the  crowd  where  it  was 
thickest. 

"  He's  going  to  do  it,"  said  Mr.  Squibs,  ex- 
citedly. "  What  the  deuce  have  I  done  with 
ray  note-book.  By  jove,  I've  lost  it  I  " 

This  calamity  seemed  to  paralyze  all  the 
journalist's  faculties.  But  the  sound  of  the 
Marquis'  voice  galvanized  them  into  instant 


258       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

action.  Mr.  Squibs,  with  a  muttered  word  of 
apology  to  me,  tore  open  his  white  waistcoat 
and  began  scribbling  little  curves,  dashes  and 
pot  hooks  like  mad  up  and  down  his  shirt 
front. 

Lightly  and  wittily,  yet  with  an  undercurrent 
of  earnestness  which  could  not  be  mistaken,  the 
Marquis  began  a  eulogy  of  the  Anglo-Saxon 
race.  Some  Americans  divined  what  was  com- 
ing and  began  cheering. 

"  It's  coming,"  said  Mr.  Squibs,  as  he  hastily 
sharpened  his  pencil. 

"  What  is  coming  ?  "  I  asked. 

"  The  Marquis'  long  contemplated  unofficial 
suggestion  of  a  tacit  alliance  between  England 
and  the  United  States.  I  was  right  about  the 
dispatch  after  all.  It  was  from  Hong  Kong.  It 
is  high  time  Russia,  and  the  rest  of  the  world 
should  know  where  England  stands.  Excuse 
me." 

The  cheering  having  subsided  the  Marquis 
resumed  and  Mr.  Squibs  went  on  decorating  his 
shirt  front.  The  interest  of  the  crowd  was  in- 
tense. The  Marquis  was  making  identically  the 
same  argument  I  had  used  a  few  minutes  before. 
It  seemed  to  me  wonderful  that  I  should 
actually  have  had  a  hand  in  bringing  this  thing 


My  Diplomatic  Relations          259 

about.  Every  moment  His  Lordship  was  inter- 
rupted by  applause  which  was  no  less  hearty  on 
the  part  of  the  English  than  of  the  Americans. 

"  By  jove  !  This  is  history,"  said  Mr.  Squibs, 
his  pencil  flying  faster  and  faster. 

I  shall  not  attempt  to  describe  the  enthusiasm 
with  which  Lady  Slasher's  guests  received  the 
Marquis'  peroration.  It  was  couched  in  almost 
the  exact  words  which,  at  our  first  accidental 
meeting,  had  launched  me  on  my  diplomatic 
career.  The  Americans  flung  their  hats  into 
the  air  and  shook  hands  with  the  English 
guests.  The  Prince  patted  the  Marquis  smil- 
ingly on  the  shoulder,  and  all  the  titled  person- 
ages present  deluged  him  with  congratulations. 

As  for  Mr.  Squibs,  we  saw  no  more  of  him 
that  day.  He  caught  the  first  train  for  London, 
and  long  before  the  Gazette's  presses  were  ready 
to  flood  London  with  the  great  news,  the  pot 
hooks  on  Mr.  Squibs'  shirt  front  had  been 
translated  into  cable  messages  that  were  in  the 
hands  of  half  the  editors  in  America  by  the 
time  Lady  Slasher's  guests  had  departed. 

Twelve  hours  later  all  the  world  knew  that 
England  and  the  United  States  understood 
each  other ;  that  the  enemies  of  one  might  ex- 
pect to  have  to  reckon  with  the  other ;  that 


260       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

there  would  be  no  outside  interference  in  our 
war  with  Spain. 

The  Marquis  of  Silsbury's  speech  is  already 
history,  though  history  is  silent  respecting  the 
part  I  played  in  the  matter.  Whether  or  not 
I  am  entitled  to  any  credit  for  the  part  I  played 
I  am  entirely  satisfied  to  leave  to  the  intelligent 
judgment  of  my  readers. 


CHAPTER  XIX 

I  DECIDE  NOT  TO   BECOME   A   MARCHIONESS 

PRUE  had  been  cross  with  me  all  the  even- 
ing. While  dressing  me  for  the  third  act  her 
conduct,  considering  her  position,  became  scan- 
dalous. Finally  I  was  compelled  to  have  it  out 
with  her. 

"  I  am  not  conscious  of  having  committed  any 
crime,"  I  said,  taking  the  brush  from  Prue's 
hand  and  proceeding  to  arrange  my  own  hair ; 
"my  conscience  is  clear;  really  I  don't  look 
upon  my  life  as  having  been  lived  in  vain.  If 
your  opinion  is  to  the  contrary,  for  heaven's 
sake  speak  up.  Don't  stand  about  glowering 
at  me  as  though  I  were  a  murderess." 

"If  this  keeps  up,"  said  my  companion, 
gloomily,  "we  shall  have  to  take  a  larger 
house." 

"If  what  keeps  up?" 

"  This  affair  with  Lord  Dangerford." 

"If  you  have  an  'affair'  with  Lord  Danger- 
ford,  Prue,  I'd  advise  you  to  drop  it.  If  you 
261 


262       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

mean  to  insinuate  that  I  have  an  affair  with 
anybody,  Lord  Dangerford  not  excepted,  you 
are  wasting  your  breath." 

"  Another  dray  load  of  African  plunder  came 
this  morning,"  growled  Prue.  "  There  is  a 
stack  of  heathen  fighting  tools,  spears  and  such 
like,  that  half  fills  the  dining-room.  There's  a 
rhinoceros  horn  in  the  front  hall  that  every- 
body falls  over,  an  umbrella  stand  made  out  of 
an  elephant's  foot  there's  no  place  for  except 
in  the  parlor,  not  to  mention  the  skins  of  wild 
animals  and  the  cooking  utensils  of  savages 
strewn  about  so  thick  that  you  can't  see  the 
carpet.  Either  we  must  take  a  larger  house  or 
have  an  auction  sale." 

"You  may  look  for  a  larger  house,  then," 
said  I,  "  and  let  us  hear  no  more  about  it.  I 
appreciate  these  attentions  on  the  part  of  Lord 
Dangerford  most  highly.  I  regard  them  in  the 
light  of  the  highest  tribute  which  London  has 
paid  to  my  qualities  as  an  artist.  Nothing  that 
Lord  Dangerford  has  sent  me  is  unworthy  of  a 
place  in  the  British  Museum." 

Whatever  rejoinder  Prue  had  in  her  mind 
was  denied  expression  by  the  explosive  entrance 
of  Tommy  Atkins,  who  said,  as  she  plunged 
head  foremost  into  the  room: 


Not  to  Become  a  Marchioness     263 

"Mr.  Squibs  has  great  news;  he  wants  to 
know  if  he  may  come  in  ?  " 

My  third  act  toilet  being  now  practically 
complete,  the  journalist  was  invited  to  enter. 

"Mr.  Squibs,"  I  said,  gayly,  "I  hope  you 
properly  appreciate  the  privilege  of  being  al- 
lowed to  call  upon  a  diplomatist  of  my  stand- 
ing in  her  dressing-room — a  privilege  which 
only  yourself,  the  American  Friend  and  Lord 
Dangerford  " — 

"  Speaking  of  Lord  Dangerford,"  interrupted 
Mr.  Squibs,  "  there  is  no  such  person.  The  old 
Marquis  of  Tidewater  died  a  week  ago.  The 
title  and  the  estates  have  descended  to  his 
grandson." 

"And  is  Countess  Pipedreme  already  a 
Marchioness  ?  "  I  enquired.  "  Or  will  she  wait 
until  after  the  funeral  before  seizing  her  prey  ?  " 

"  Good,"  laughed  the  journalist ;  "  then  I  am 
the  first  to  bring  you  the  news  after  all.  I  was 
half  afraid  some  one  else  had  already  had  that 
honor.  Countess  Pipedreme  is — ahem — is  no 
longer  in  society." 

"  What  do  you  mean  by  that?" 

"  It  appears  that  the  Countess  and  Danger- 
ford  had  some  sort  of  a  quarrel  at  Lady  Slash- 
er's Garden  Party,  in  which  Dangerford's 


264       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

guardian,  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury  figured, 
and"— 

"  The  Marquis  of  Silsbury  Lord  Dangerford's 
guardian  ?  "  I  exclaimed,  beginning  to  see  the 
solution  of  a  great  mystery. 

"  Yes.  His  Lordship  and  the  old  Marquis  of 
Tidewater — an  eccentric  old  fellow  who  buried 
himself  in  the  country  a  dozen  years  ago — were 
college  chums.  Tidewater  made  Silsbury  trus- 
tee of  his  estates,  and  executor  of  a  will  in  which 
there  was  some  sort  of  stipulation  respecting 
the  lady  Dangerford  should  select  for  his  wife. 
It  has  always  been  understood  that  Silsbury 
enjoyed  large  powers  in  this  respect,  and  that 
Countess  Pipedreme  had  convinced  him  of  the 
superiority  of  her  claims." 

"  Ah !  "  said  I,  more  light  breaking  in  upon 
me. 

"  The  Countess  always  took  particular  pains 
to  convince  Silsbury  that  she  was  the  only 
woman  Dangerford  had  ever  bothered  his  head 
about.  Until  you  came  upon  the  scene  at  Lady 
Slasher's  the  Marquis  had  never  seen  Danger- 
ford  assert  himself  with  respect  to  any  other 
woman.  Perhaps  you  noticed  something  ? 
There  was  talk  of  a  scene  in  which  you  fig- 
ured." 


Not  to  Become  a  Marchioness     265; 

I  felt  my  cheeks  burning,  BO  I  merely  nodded, 
and  Mr.  Squibs  went  on : 

"  At  any  rate,  the  Marquis  took  a  great  fancy 
to  you,  as  everybody  knows,  and  the  Countess 
had  tantrums  all  the  rest  of  the  afternoon.  Lon- 
don hasn't  seen  her  since." 

"  Will  London  be  able  to  survive  the  loss  of 
Countess  Pipedreme  ?  "  I  asked. 

"Probably,"  laughed  the  journalist,  "con- 
sidering that  the  Earl  of  Drippingeaves  " — 

"The  Earl  of  Drippingeaves  missing,  too? 
Then  I  was  not  mistaken  after  all." 

"  What  did  you  see  ?  What  have  you  heard? " 
demanded  Mr.  Squibs.  "The  Gazette's  infor- 
mation is  only  fragmentary,  as  yet." 

"Countess  Pipedreme  and  the  Earl  of  Drip- 
pingeaves got  lost  among  Lady  Slasher's  shrub- 
bery," I  said.  "Walking  with  the  American 
Friend,  I  came  upon  them  suddenly.  They 
were  much  confused." 

"  Then  our  correspondent  at  Havre  was  not 
mistaken,"  said  Mr.  Squibs,  with  satisfaction. 

"You  mean  that?"— 

"  Countess  Pipedreme  and  the  Earl  of  Drip- 
pingeaves have  eloped." 

"  Poor  Drippingeaves !  "  said  I. 


266       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

Whereupon  Mr.  Squibs,  much  elated,  took 
his  leave. 

As  Tommy  Atkins  and  I  left  my  room  to  be 
ready  for  the  rise  of  the  curtain  on  the  third 
act  we  nearly  ran  into  Lord  Dangerford — now 
the  young  Marquis  of  Tidewater — who  was 
standing  in  the  wings. 

"Good  evening,"  said  the  Marquis.  "The 
manager  said  I  might  bring  around  the  news. 
The  Marquis  of  Silsbury's  speech  at  Lady 
Slasher's  has  had  the  most  extraordinary  effect. 
There  is  no  more  talk  about  interference  be- 
tween the  United  States  and  Spain.  In  diplo- 
matic circles  it  is  taken  for  granted  that  Eng- 
land and  the  United  States,  in  this  affair  at 
least,  are  to  be  considered  as  one  nation." 

At  this  good  news  Tommy  Atkins  danced  a 
few  steps  to  the  accompaniment  of  swishing 
skirts,  winked  wickedly  at  His  Lordship,  and 
ran  away,  leaving  us  together  quite  alone. 

"There's  something  else  I've  been  wanting 
to  say  for  a  long  time,"  began  His  Lordship  in 
his  hesitating  way,  "only  I  couldn't  seem  to  find 
the  opportunity." 

"  And  I,  My  Lord,  I  feel  that  I  have  never 
properly  acknowledged  your  many  kindnesses. 
Believe  me,  my  gratitude  is  too  deep  for  words." 


"Winked  wickedly  at  His  Lordship." — Page  266. 


Not  to  Become  a  Marchioness     267 

"  On  the  contrary,  Miss  Casino,  the  obliga- 
tion is  all  on  my  side.  Before  I  met  you  I  had 
a  positive  distaste  for  society ;  I  cared  only  for 
my  guns  and  the  wild  life  of  the  jungle.  No^- 
I  feel  that  with  your  help  I  can  do  what  my 
late  guardian,  the  Marquis  of  Silsbury,  so  ear- 
nestly desires  me  to  do — remain  in  England,  look 
after  my  estates,  take  my  seat  in  parliament. 
Excuse  me  if  I  am  too  abrupt.  I  am  not  used 
to  expressing  my  thoughts  in  words.  Miss 
Casino,  I  have  called  to  beg  you  to  marry  me 
— to  ask  you  to  become  the  Marchioness  of 
Tidewater." 

So  completely  was  I  taken  by  surprise  that  I 
was  unable  for  a  moment  to  even  properly  ac- 
knowledge the  great  honor  bestowed  upon  me. 
I  could  think  of  myself  only  as  a  poor  singing 
girl,  standing  there  in  my  stage  clothes,  insig- 
nificant, almost  laughable.  So  without  think- 
ing, I  blurted  out : 

"  Do  I  look  like  a  Marchioness  ?  " 

His  Lordship  smiled  at  me  reproachfully. 

"  Many  a  Duchess  would  exchange  her  title 
for  your  beauty." 

Though  I  knew  that  I  must  send  His  Lord- 
ship away,  I  could  not  help  asking : 

"  But  what  of  Countess  Pipedreme?" 


268       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

"Poor  Countess!  I  fear  she  is  altogether 
lost.  But  I  beg  you  to  believe  that  it  is  not 
wholly  my  fault." 

"  My  Lord,"  I  said,  "  your  conduct  at  Lady 
Slasher's  was  noble.  I  shall  always  love  you 
for  it." 

No  one  was  near  us.  I  allowed  the  Marquis 
to  touch  my  hand  with  his  lips. 

"  I  owe  it  to  you,"  he  went  on,  "  to  explain 
my  relations  with  Countess  Pipedreme.  My 
youth  was  spent  mostly  in  the  country.  The 
Countess  was  the  only  woman  of  society  I  met. 
She  appealed  to  my  boyish  fancy.  My  grand- 
father was  pleased.  I  promised  to  marry  her. 
Except  for  our  quarrel  at  Lady  Slasher's — and 
its  sad  consequences  for  the  Countess  " — 

"  Do  not  reproach  yourself  on  Countess  Pipe- 
dreme's  account,"  I  interrupted;  "it  was  al- 
ready known  that  she  was  unworthy  of  you." 

"  So  I  have  heard.  Poor  Countess !"  Then 
His  Lordship  looked  at  me  with  real  trouble  in 
his  honest  eyes  and  asked : 

"  Am  I  to  blame  ?  Should  I  have  protected 
her  against " — 

"  My  Lord,"  I  hastened  to  say,  "  I  have  never 
known  you  to  do  anything,  never  heard  of  your 
doing  anything,  that  was  not  honest,  manly, 


Not  to  Become  a  Marchioness     269 

noble.  I  am  proud — I  shall  always  be  proud — 
to  be  your — friend." 

"  Nothing  more  ?  "  I  was  sure  His  Lordship 
lost  color  as  he  asked  the  question.  "  Do  you 
mean  that  you  are  going  to  send  me  back  to 
the  jungle  with  my  guns?  " 

"The  English  girls  are  lovely,"  I  said  with 
enthusiasm.  "  Those  in  your  own  station  in 
life  are  divinely  beautiful  and  charming.  You 
have  but  to  choose  among  them  " — 

The  curtain  was  up ;  my  cue  was  imminent. 
I  gave  the  Marquis  of  Tidewater  my  hand. 

"  Be  my  friend,"  I  said.  "  I  love  too  many 
to  think  of  marrying/* 

"  Too  many !  " 

"My  heart  is  full  of  them.  I  love  them.  I 
yearn  for  them.  I  dream  of  them.  They  wear 
the  blue  jackets  of  our  navy.  They  stand  be- 
hind our  guns  at  Manila,  at  Santiago.  I  adore 
them.  I  pray  for  them.  Oh,  My  Lord,  I  am 
hopelessly  American.  Forgive  me." 

His  Lordship's  face  was  now  quite  pale.  He 
touched  my  hand  and  turned  away. 

"  Good-bye." 

"  Good-bye."     And  he  was  gone. 

Then  came  my  cue,  from  the  orchestra,  and 
the  applause  with  which  these  generous  Lon- 


270       The  Casino  Girl  in  London 

doners  greeted  it  nightly.  As  I  responded  I 
fitted  the  inspiring  notes  to  their  words — the 
noblest  couplet  ever  penned  by  a  patriot — sing- 
ing in  my  heart : 

The  Star  Spangled  Banner,  oh,  long  may  it  wave 
O'er  the  Land  of  the  Free  and  the  Home  of  the  Brave ! 


THE  END. 


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RAMUNTCHO 

By  PIERRE  LOTI 


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Journal. 

"A  strangely  fascinating  romance  full  of  weird 
shadows  and  fanciful,  semi-poetic  imaginings." — 
Detroit  Free  Press. 

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life." — Commercial  Advertiser. 

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cago Record. 

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Dust  in   the   Balance 

By  GEORGE  KNIGHT 

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marked  by  passages  of  earnest  poetic  feeling." — 
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THE  MAN 
WHO  WAS  GOOD 

BY 
LEONARD    MERRICK 

AUTHOR    OF 

"  A  Daughter  of  the  Philistiees,"     "  One  Man's  Viewi." 

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1 '  Has  distinction  of  style  and  character,  dramatic 
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force  and  precision. " — New  York  Times. 

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Is  the  most  masterly  of  his  three  books." — Chicago 
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An  Unofficial  Patriot 

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' '  Remarkably  true  to  history. '  ^-Inter-Ocean ,  Chicago 

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